Not a lot going on last night. I thought H would go work out after he got home, as he typically does on Tuesdays, but he didn't. He started to change into his work out clothes, but then decided to stay home. I asked him about a deal that he was working on yesterday and he told me all about it, without snapping or being cold to me.
There's something not quite right in H's world right now. I'm trying not to pinpoint it because that will drive me crazy, but I can just tell. I believe that OW is still in his life, but there's something different. Again, last night, I kept catching H watching me. As I said in a previous post, H has been drinking a bit more now than he had been for a while. We haven't gotten our large Christmas tree out of storage yet, but H did pull out a small one that we have and put it up last night. H got on his email last night and I heard some music playing. I think I've mentioned before that I believe OW & H send each other songs through YouTube. BARF!! I just simply walked over to H and asked him what he was doing. He mumbled that he was just looking at his emails and then shut down the computer. Then he went to bed. After D3 fell asleep, I sat out in the living room by myself and had a really good cry. I knew H was asleep, so I was okay.
H laid close last night and then initiated intimacy. I made the mistake of trying to kiss him this morning when I left for work. He pulled away a bit. I got pissed and left for work. I guess I attempted to get close to quickly after intimacy. Need to take things slow again and back off for a while.
Goals for today.
-My boss and I had another talk today. I have to say that my plate at work is FULL. It always is. I have to catch up on some things, so that's a goal for today.
-Get that item on Ebay/Craig's List. It stared me in the face last night and I just didn't get it done.
-Keep reminding myself to back off and keep my chin up. I'm a good person and a good mom. I don't deserve this pain. I deserve to be happy and I'm going to be happy with myself today.
I have another C session today. I'll be interested to see what she has to say.
Well, on to work! Have a great day!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Definitely be HAPPY. PERIOD. I know I keep saying this, but it's true.
Hope you have a great day at work! & YOU'RE RIGHT - YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!
"GET BUSY LIVING OR GET BUSY DYING...."
And... for your viewing pleasure.... http://www.laughyourway.com/video/ Best video I've seen that helps define the difference between Men's & Women's thoughts.
Sue - Don't get sucked into his confused, messed up world. Of course he's mopey and contrary and disagreeable - that's all part of the MLC script.
Focus on YOU and not so much on him and what he's doing. When he comes out of the fog, make sure he is amazed at how much growth and joy you have experienced while he's been lost - if it helps, just imagine how attractive that will make you. But really, do it FOR YOURSELF!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Thank you! One of the big things that keeps me at all positive through this is you guys. And of course D3. She is my heart.
You mentioned on your first post to me that I need to just let God take things for me. Oh, I know I do. I've had every intention to start going back to church. Colds/flu and then being out of town for Thanksgiving have prevented that, but hopefully this weekend.
You asked if my H was a stand up guy before all this. Well, kind of. He had his moments of not so stand up behavior. I see two sides of him. I see this side that seems like he wants to stay and be the husband/father and then the side that just wants to go and be single. Not that he doesn't love D3 or doesn't love being her dad, but lately D3 definately has not been his top priority. I think part of H's problem is that he's never really been alone. He went from mom & dad's house to his first marriage, back to mom & dad's house, then with me. Yes, he's been single, but never alone. Never lived on his own, as I have. When things get bad, he's not the best at figuring how to handle them on his own. Often times I've had to just pick up and take care of things because when I try to talk to him, H will say......Well, what do you want me to do about it? and then just ignores it.
I can tell that it's been very hard on D3. She hasn't wanted to go to bed by herself. She keeps begging to snuggle with us and telling me that she doesn't want to be left alone in her room. She pushes us to show each other affection. It breaks my heart to think of her without him.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Thank you. I was typing to Stumped when your posts came in.
I'm trying to concentrate on me. I got some wonderful new clothes as an early Christmas present from my mom and a friend of mine gave me a new work out video to try.
I'm determined to get our Christmas tree up, especially for the sake of D3. She really wants to help decorate.
I need to get busy at work.
Thanks!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Don't get hung up on the kisses. If he is as confused as my W, then it is up to them to come closer. I also had the txting issue about songs early on in the A. Double BARF.
Again, the Pamar police are on the prowl - no looking or peeking!!!!
New clothes, we hot blooded males on the site want to here about the underwear LOL.
Hey Sue, I think you are right. Your H is going through something. Maybe he is feeling guilty, and realizing he isn't doing things right. I hope so.
Pamar, I was so ticked today, H got a free peep show (came upstairs when I was getting ready for work) and I was wearing all my new 'stuff'. He soooo doesn't deserve that.
Anger is common since it is happening with my wife as well. The anger is likley to protect them from whatever pain they are in. Being in conflict like that can be terribly stressful. I don't sympathise overmuch since they brought it on themselves.
But don't take the anger personally, they are just really at odds with themselves and their life.
Shirley Paige suggested that when people are having affairs there is a fantasy-reality dichotomy taking place, where the affair victim presents everything the unfaithful spouse despises about their life, while their other person is a dreamlike fantasy to them.
Our spouses see us as everything in their life they have to get away from, and they are deluded into thinking that their affairs are the solution.
I know it doesn't help, but it does help you realise what the anger is all about, spouses in affairs feel trapped and the affair is an escape, much like drinking or gambling, etc.
Each time they see you, the trap comes to the forefront and they get angry because they feel cornered.
Don't think they are angry at you, its the life that they feel is inadequate that they despise, and unfortunatley, they make us the housekeeper of this unpleasant world they want to break free of.
Anger is common, and the more you pressure them, the worse it gets.
I call them on lies too, I hate being lied to.
The thing that bugs me most is my wife does nice things with me to ease HER GUILT. She will clean the house, or make dinner, etc, not to be nice to me, but to help her feel better about her having her affair and feel like she's paying her dues or some sick thing like that.
Its really annoying becuase of this trick of hers i can't gauge where she's at on any given sunday. :P
Is she feeling warmer towards me, or is she plotting another visit and feels bad? I never can tell...grrrrrrr
