How would the LDW in your life (or you if you're the LDW always/often/occasionally) react if your partner created the following scenario (RJ, Mrs. cac, Corri in your LD days, I'm thinking of y'all and Mrs. hairdog, BB):
(from another message board) __________________
I am a 50 year old male-who has learned the secret to providing a great orgasm almost everytime- unfortuantely she comes so early that I don't, but that's another story.
"Honey, I'm home, let's screw," would get me tossed out on my ear. Instead, I start making love 24 hours before we climb into bed- by cleaning the house, preparing meals- arranging my kid's stuff including home work so my wife is well rested and relaxed and not stressed when we get into bed. I am somplimentary and considerate. Also, I am a massage master- taking great pride in my work, one massage lasted 4 hours and often my masages lead to orgasm. Lastly, I am an oral sex master, too. I keep my eyes and ears open as I give her oral sex....I listen for every little sound (was it good or not so good) and repeat the good. I watch her stomach rise and fall and watch for stomach muscles tensioning-...why?... did I do something right or wrong...again I make note of the good and do not repeat the not so good. I feel and interrupt every quiver, shudder, I listen for every breath, moan, and groan. I work to be best for her- there is so much more to oral sex than lapping away at her like a dog in a water bowl!
Frankly, I'm only okay looking at best- but I work so hard sexually. Further, I always shower first, shave very cleanly, brush my teath, pre-warm or pre-cool the room (depending on season) light candles including one scented, I work hard and get results. I trim and sand my nails, I sand my hands- sorry, no callouses during my magic massages. I trim (not shave) but trim my pubic and chest hair- I use just a hint of a nice cologne. I simply try to present what I have as best as possible and preform like a artist. To be honest, I am incredible- but only because of the work I put into pleasing her. She orgasms- everytime! In fact she even gets mad because I make her cum before we even get to intercourse. I am also a master at intercourse. I'm average in size- maybe even a bit smaller, but when you put your soul into your preformance ...it shows. Try something like this- it is foreplay- but keeps him more involved. I'll be in the missionary position, but up on my hands and toes with nothing touching except my penis. I use little mini strokes that only move the head in and out, maybe 1 1/2" strokes- NO OTHER CONTACT, after a couple minutes of that I go back to full plunges...the results- she cums first...I end up cumming by hand after (my own hands) while she kisses me. I haven't figured out the male O, but I've got the female one nailed- respect, service, dedication, comfort, attention to detail, little gifts occassionally, hard but pleasuarable work and lots of tender loving care.
Something else you guys might try is using the tip of his penis as a massager- After some full strokes to get slippery I just barely pull out and let her massge herself with my tip- she controls the pressure and speed- it feels good for me too!
Simply, she cums everytime because I am so great at this- but be clear- I am not bragging, nor am I great at it because I'm handsome, tall, or hung. I'm great at it because I react to her wants, hone my skills, practice, practice, and practice, and selflessly work my butt off to please her! I'm great at it because I put her needs first. Paying attention and consistantly delivering the efforts that brings her to orgasm virtually everytime makes me great at this game !
You know Lil, I had a negative reaction to this guy. I think it's because the post is so orgasm-directed, as if that's the whole point to lovemaking. It's all about performance... where is the vulnerability here?
I'll take my wacky, dysfunctional H any day over this sex master.
Sounds like the guy does all the romancing and work. All the woman has to do is show up or maybe not run away.
I end up cumming by hand after (my own hands) OK! WHY?
Something else you guys might try is using the tip of his penis as a massager- After some full strokes to get slippery I just barely pull out and let her massge herself with my tip- she controls the pressure and speed- it feels good for me too! That sounds like fun.
RJ, yes too one sided, one goal. Whewe does the we cum in?
Ok, I figure I'm Average Desire -- I love sex, but 2-3 times a week with lots of affection and tease in between is perfect -- and my response was "ick". What he's describing -- the whole scenario, not just the sex -- sounds really severely unbalanced, one sided, slavish, not like a mature adult relationship at all. Just because it favors (worships?) the female doesn't make it any less icky. IMHO.
Actually, upon re-reading, I guess it partly skeeves me out because he sounds like a total control freak. Even if it is geared toward his wife's pleasure, he's handling *everything*, from his description. Ick ick.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
This actually sounds made up. I'm not suggesting that *you* made it up, Lil, LOL, but it just sounds so far OUT THERE.
Some of that stuff (help around the house, romance, starting the lovemaking outside the bedroom, etc.) is nice, and of course, I'm all for the personal grooming, but there's something icky about this guy. Maybe it's just that I've never met any men like this (men aren't really like this, except for the soaps, are they?) and I'm not a very good princess.
I don't know.....it just sounds so one-sided....like he's her servant/slave instead of her husband. I'd rather be in an equal partnership.
Besides, who cares that she Os every time. I O every time with a lot less work than that!
My first thought was "wouldn't that get old for the guy after awhile?" That's a lot of work -- I can see every once in awhile, but not all the time. I just can't imagine a guy wouldn't get a little bored w/ all that after awhile.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I think it is generally sexier to concentrate on your own pleasure rather than your partner's if you do it in a way that is validating. It creates a better arousal feedback loop or something like that. You really can't go wrong with any statement that starts with "It really turns me on when..." or "I like it when ..." or "I wanna...". My current personal favorite is when GP says "Damn, baby. DAMN!". -lol
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
So the LDW's (not just the posters here but hypothetically the wives of the HD men) who complain that their partners don't put enough effort into sex wouldn't like this any more than their current sex-starved scenario?
I didn't find his extreme self-assurance that different from blackfoot's tone or even NOP's (no offense, NOP). He didn't say he was anything special EXCEPT that he pays attention when he MLs.
I liked his scenario. If I were his partner, I wouldn't want this every time, but the fact that he is capable of this kind of other-centeredness AT ALL would be wonderful. And the fact that I last had sex in January 2007 makes it look REALLY good to me.
The guy I refer to as my best-ever lover was a lot like this. (And yes, he was utterly fastidious as to personal grooming, even to shaving a second time in a day if sex was on the agenda). Both of us KNEW he would derive pleasure from our sex-- there was never any doubt about that... and so I could totally relax (sometimes) and let him just DO me. Haven't we occasionally said that that can be nice?
Didn't Miss IC refer the other day to a more emotionally centered O as a result of turning herself over to IC's pleasuring?
I guess I'm just so used to doing ALL the work that I wistfully look back on the guy who was very concerned with my pleasure.
Is it the fact that this guy seemed to say that he does this EVERY time that put people off? He said she comes every time... but I don't know whether this whole routine is played out every time.
Does anyone remember that fabulous scene in The Bridges of Madison County (a terrible book made into a quite good movie) where Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood are in the bathtub together, and her voice-over narration says, "That week he gave himself over entirely to my pleasure."
I took that to mean: NOT to the exclusion of his own pleasure, but I didn't have to worry or work so hard at it. Kind of like what Mojo was saying about the lingering fear that GP will put on the brakes and tell her to slow down.
So the LDW's (not just the posters here but hypothetically the wives of the HD men) who complain that their partners don't put enough effort into sex wouldn't like this any more than their current sex-starved scenario?
This type of pampering and total focus on my needs would be nice from time to time, but EVERY time? I don't think I'd like it. It would make the R feel too one-sided and I'd start to feel like I was taking advantage somehow. Yes, I've thought that cac could have done more of these things over the years (and still could), but this guy just seems over-the-top.
For me, a sugar fiend, it would be like having every kind of sweet I like at my disposal all the time. It would get kind of boring after a while. My favorite chocolate is a treat because I only eat it once in a while. So when I do eat it, it's fabulous.
... and so I could totally relax (sometimes) and let him just DO me. Haven't we occasionally said that that can be nice?
We do this. And sometimes I decide to O before I/C. And sometimes I O again during I/C. (I prefer to O during I/C.) So I don't get this statement from "the guy:"
unfortuantely she comes so early that I don't
Huh? Does he mean they don't O together??
And then this:
she cums first...I end up cumming by hand after (my own hands) while she kisses me. I haven't figured out the male O, but I've got the female one nailed- respect, service, dedication, comfort, attention to detail
Why does he O with his hands? Am I missing something? Why can't he O in her vagina?
I guess I'm just so used to doing ALL the work that I wistfully look back on the guy who was very concerned with my pleasure.
This must be frustrating. I've never felt that cac wasn't concerned with my pleasure. He's always taken more than enough time during sex. That has never been an issue.
Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood are in the bathtub together, and her voice-over narration says, "That week he gave himself over entirely to my pleasure."
I took that to mean: NOT to the exclusion of his own pleasure, but I didn't have to worry or work so hard at it. Kind of like what Mojo was saying about the lingering fear that GP will put on the brakes and tell her to slow down.
I never saw the movie. But you and Mojo, as HDs, have had completely different experiences than I (or other LDWs) have had. We're not concerned that our partners will put on the brakes and tell us to slow down. Technically I was sex-starved, but not in the same way that HDs are. I always could have sex whenever I wanted it, so I didn't feel starved at all. Problem was, I didn't want to have it that often.
I do have to work at it if I decide to have sex when I'm not yet feeling aroused. That's when I have to turn off my thinking brain and turn on my "sexual" brain, take off my mom hat and put on my wife hat, and sometimes it's hard to do. In the past it was more work than I was willing to do a lot of the time. But if I am aroused it is very easy. I never have to worry that cac isn't interested.
