'morning all. well, I woke up expecting grey skies, maybe some remnants of stray snow flurries on the ground, or at the very least, a bit of rain. instead, its sunny, sunny, sunny. cold, yes, but sunny. so now I feel guilty that I don't have anything more exciting planned for the kids today. somehow it feels almost wrong that I planned a down day. I suppose I could bundle them all up and head into boston to the science museum, or the aquarium, or the like. but honestly, well, not sure I really want to go that route. so thinking I may still plan for hanging out here. is that wrong? I mean, as long as they are having fun, does it really matter?
am dressed and ready to head to the gym in a bit, so will decide after.
am sooo happy I went thru the christmas stuff last night. good decision. I am almost looking forward to decorating now. granted, have a few more weeks to go before I do, but still, nice to not be hit in the face with this stuff then. will be easier for it to be a happy time.
here's something I need to decide on. since the first year H and I spent together, I have kept a christmas memories book. we bought it on a trip to VA and for 13 years I have filled it out faithfully every year....its been a fun record of our holidays together. In fact, I bought a second one just like it last year, for when this one finally runs out. now I'm wondering if I should continue on with the book I have been using, or should I start the new one this year. well, nothing that has to be decided now, just something to think about.
hope everyone has a good day. still having a few moments when I am just amazed that this is my reality. I've been going thru pictures on my hard drive, ordering prints finally of some, and I keep coming across ones of H that were during the affair but before I knew about it. You would think something somehow I would see a difference in him from pre-affair days, but there isn't any. he is H. the man I knew. I don't know what I expect to see, I mean, its not like a scarlet A will suddenly be etched on him or something, but I just can't believe how well he was able to pull this all off...the deception. just still being him, still looking like him.
there is a picture of him that was taken the day after valentines day. he looks soooo happy. and just the day before he sent 2 different women roses. nothing, no toll on him at all, he looked happier than I have seen him in a long time.
ahhh, well, not sure why I am even thinking like this. again, I don't know what I expect. I suppose having been fooled for so long, I guess I figured there had to be some sign, something in his face, something somehow. but there isn't. he's just that good at compartmentalizing, at deception. I need to remember that. I am still tempted to trust the man in so many things.
enough babbling. off to work out.
Last edited by morgan; 11/10/0701:49 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
what a great w/o! It felt sooo good, so glad I went. my s5 had a thrill and we ran into his teacher there. I knew she worked out there, but we are never there at the same time, so it was pretty funny. he was tickled.
I spent about 5 minutes thinking i would take the kids to a local farm, but have revised it and think we are going to revamp playrooms and go thru games and such, making way for any new toys santa might bring next month. maybe the farm tomorrow. I know, I know, h takes them to boston, lets them eat pizza and ice cream for dinner. I make them eat their veggies and reorganize. lol. well, we are having some fun, too, and will play lots of games and such, so don't feel too bad.
I just posted this question on donna's thread in response to something ot wrote there. am going to go ahead and pose it here, too:
this is what i am wondering about for my own situation. h has said he will be more generous with arbitration, but has yet to put any numbers in writing. he has said stuff to me off and on that sound great, but also tends to "forget" stuff later, so that's not worth much. I asked him recently to put whatever he was thinking of into writing and I'd consider arbitration, but haven't heard a thing from him since.
right now he says he won't file for divorce on me. I told him a couple of weeks ago that arbitration was off the table for me unless he came up with a proposal in writing that made it palatable. so we are at a huge impasse.
I guess my question is, do I go ahead and push for divorce, for arbitration, to take advantage of any generous instinct on his part? Or do I just sit back and let him approach me, one way or the other?
anyone?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
It is amazing how they present themselves to others when you know the real person they are. It is a double life they leading. I really wouldn't want to live that way myself. Honesty and truth to them is like raid to bugs, they scurry from it.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
hey Morgan. I think some evil selfish men are actually happy to have two women at once. I am joking about the evil comment. Yes, some men may be torn but they may also relish in the extra attention. It is not only a common fantasy, for some men it is just a way of life.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Yeah, I agree. I think getting that kind of attention may be an ego boost for some insecure men. I had no idea anyone would even be remotley attracted to my H! I was warned time and time again not to let myself go. To get out of the sweats and the ponytail and to lose weight and put on mascara. My H acted like none of this stuff mattered. I just cooked and tried to be a good mom. That was my love language. Not all that sex and affection stuff. I agree with the honeymoon expiring in the first five years, then we turned ur attention to the kids afer five years. Now at ten years, the honeymoon is really over! So H is addicted to his honeymoon feelings with OW. No kids, no marriage, no responsibilities. How shallow. Hijack over Morgan.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I think my H enjoyed the attention at first. However, I think my H got in over his head with two demanding strong willed women. OW just requires a little less effort. She doesn't expect him to be honest and faithful. She wins. Lucky her. Actually, who needs a man like that? Good riddance.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
hmmmm....how did my thread become the threesome thread? or rather, the benefits of threesomes over polygamy (excuse me, plural marriage)?
ahem. that aside, I think there are some valid points. h became very, very unhappy once I found out. he never struck me as unhappy prior to that. but then again, I'm not sure how much longer he could have kept it up. actually, by march, there were some rumblings of discontent, so guessing that was his limit. I really think the only reason I even found out/suspected was because he was ready for me to know. whether he realizes it or not, I think he wanted me to find out. and I am going to pretend that he never once fantasized about the 3 of us together, even though I know him well enough to know that yeah, the thought did cross his mind.
I've had a great day with the kids. I ended up pulling out our monorail...we bought it from wdw years ago, and usually set it up around the christmas tree. this year I'm going to set up daniel's train around it instead, so the kids and I set it up for them to play with in h's old office downstairs. they had sooo much fun with it. we have several buildings that go with it, but I only set up spaceship earth and the contemporary hotel. we'll see how well they treat it before I pull out the rest. still, a very fun thing to do.
I bought a new camcorder this week. just a cheapo compact vhs one. I don't have the time, energy, or interest to do the legwork into figuring out a better one right now. the bonus of the compact vhs one is I can play our old tapes from our previous camcorder (the one that broke in march). so the kids and I watched the tape from our trip to wdw last october...it was so fun. I am amazed at how much they remember, especially the twins, who were only 2.5. They remember little things that aren't on the tape or on pictures at all. shocking. this tape also had christmas on it, so we watched the whole thing. it was nice and cozy, but oh how weird it was to see H in it. we were soooo happy. it was the life I know, the one I still am stunned that is gone. even more shocking, is the fact that he was having an affair during it. seriously, not a sign that would tip me off. Its just H....just like he was and always had been.
that was our day, it flew, and now its not much longer till bedtime.
still missing h. not because of these walks down memory lane, but because well, I miss him. I miss chatting with him. oh how strong the pull is to start it up again! but I won't. I can't. it sucks, but I can't.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
