After reading here I believe that my WAW is in MLC I have been posting a little in the 180 area but would love to hear from you folks. We have been separated since June, and she said that she was unhappy for at least 6 mos prior to that. I moved out of state for a new job in Sept. Communication was very poor and short, but now there are signs of improvement (see link above as to where we are now). I am so afraid that we are improving because she has given up, but the upcoming visit and recent - albeit very limited - banter might mean otherwise. I am trying so hard not to text her -- looking at my phone and waiting for her to contact me.
W has been looking for a job since early summer & just let me know that she has an interview. She also said that for some reason she is not overly excited and that she is stressed and trying to figure out things. I am really trying not to get too excited about her comment!
doa180, sounds promising but if it is MLC, there will be many rough days with glimpses of nice moments. Continue doing what you are doing if it is having a good response, adjusting what makes sense. There are far more better people in this forum than myself to help give recommendations. I just wanted to say hi, give encouragement and bump this up to the top so everyone will see it!
Have a wonderful day!
mmf
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Thanks! I am sure you are right about the rollercoaster. It is just so difficult to not get too excited by these signs. When they happened in the past I went back to my old ways and just pushed her away.
I wrote an email to her about what I was planning for the weekend when she/they are here but I deleted it. Even if it does not work out I am much stronger than I ever thought I could be.
Don't worry about any "mistakes". Avoid them but don't dwell on them when you make them (because you will make them).
The challenge is getting to the point where you can let her go to do whatever she feels she needs to do without shutting down completely, i.e. to lose love for her. Some people feel that is when you are over someone. I disagree. IMO, you can love someone and let them go, without losing your own self. You can have a life, focusing on other things. I believe this will enrich one's life tremendously.
I am still working on that.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I agree with what you say. I started with all of this thinking of it as a way to change her, but am coming around to the reality that I feel better about myself about the changes and that I can of course never change her.
And I have found that I do not love her any less but maybe even more because I do feel stronger about me.
I have a big question... Things are fairy positive right now and I don't want to upset the apple cart. W has been looking for a job in her state, and I met someone who asked about my W in my state. He is very interested in seeing her resume. I told her when I met this guy about a possible opportunity here -- and as you can expect it did not go well. He wants to have lunch with me next week and keeps pushing for her resume. I keep telling him that W is swamped with our 3 kids on her own right now and does not have tim eto get resume together. the kids told me what my weather was going to be like here so i know she has at least been thinking. I am guessing that if I bring up the resume again it would be a major backslide. Any comments?
I have a big question... Things are fairy positive right now and I don't want to upset the apple cart. W has been looking for a job in her state, and I met someone who asked about my W in my state. He is very interested in seeing her resume. I told her when I met this guy about a possible opportunity here -- and as you can expect it did not go well. He wants to have lunch with me next week and keeps pushing for her resume. I keep telling him that W is swamped with our 3 kids on her own right now and does not have tim eto get resume together. the kids told me what my weather was going to be like here so i know she has at least been thinking. I am guessing that if I bring up the resume again it would be a major backslide. Any comments?
You know your wife better than anyone here, just some of us know MLC behaviour pretty well.
An interest in the weather is a far cry from interest in looking for a job. Many reasons for checking your local weather, and while they are warm fuzzy reasons, the very least she is thinking of you in some form.
You already brought it up and 'it did not go well.'
Has something drastic changed between now and then?
As for you friend, tell him the truth. That right now she is not really interested, who knows what will happen in the next year or so.
Lying for the MLC spouse, even the white ones sets you on a path you don't want to walk down.
Quote:
When they happened in the past I went back to my old ways and just pushed her away.
A valuable lesson to learn. Glad you got it.
You mentioned the roller coaster.
If you keep both good and bad expectations to a minimum it is not so bad. You cannot get excited or hopeful at small things from her until they are consistent. You cannot worry about 'what if's' they will drive you crazy.
You get through this one day at a time. "Today is not the day you quit. And more than likely you won't quit tomorrow, but let's see what tomorrow brings." Repeat that every day.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Thanks. Deep down I know and understand what you are saying... i just want to "fix it" :-)
Nothing too drastic has changed. I guess the signs I see are her bringing up spending the weekend here when the kids visit and her comment about not being too excited about an interview where she lives. Saying she is stressed and trying to figure thuings out. It is very different for her to share this muych with me, let alone the message.
