Wow... sounds like you've really shaped up, hound!
And what you described as "we slid back a little", doesnt sound that way to me at all. It sounded like she was open with you in expressing her doubts... and you handled it in a good way. Sounds like a great step FORWARD to me!
keep doing what you're doing, guy.... and if the MC messes up the forward progress that you have seen... I say dont go to it again, 'cause sounds like you are doing way better without it, than with it
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
So, we have MC appt #2 in 45 minutes. Last night was another good night even with some comments from W about how this won't work and that she can't see herself with me. Plus, she told me early in the night that she did not want me to sleep there last night, but at bedtime asked me to stay with her. Why am I journaling this? Because I think that she is about to slam me in MC, we'll see but I am expecting there to be some backlash.
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
I was in fact not slammed, well not too much any way. It was a really great session that I think that we both walked away from with some clarity about our sitch, our M, and our possibilities. I will not go into great depth because I think that some of what was said should not be shared in this forum, however, I will say that when asked if she wanted to work on this M my wife replied "I don't know."
Why would that be significant? Well, simple, that is the first time in 2 months that the answer was not a quick and certain NO. The MC even commented on her answer!
Additionally, at the end of the session I brought up our living arrangement and the MC said that while she will not tell us how to live our lives she does think that if we are going to make this marriage work we need to be in the same house to work on our "lessons".
Additionally, she talked about some changes we need to make in our communication and understanding and I think that we both accepted that.
Long story short, in leaving the session I got a big ol kiss on the mouth and she told me what a great appointment that was and that she was looking forward to going again next week.
I think next week is when I will ask about Retro.
So no slamming, also it was not all peaches and cream either, but overall I think that W and I left a little closer to R than to D.
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
and I'm going to do something surprising... i'm going to suggest that you do NOT bring up retrouville.
It sounds like you and her are finally in a place where you can work with the MC you have, and maybe get a little closer together. You may have found something that "works".
Bringing up retrouville at this point, is more pressure on her. a LOT more. I think you may be better off just being patient, and seeing where your current MC can guide you both.
(you may or may not want to discuss privately with your MC, when and if you should bring it up, though. Since she has a better view of things than we do at this point, she would probably be the best impartial judge of that.)
Last edited by Dom R; 12/11/0708:52 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
been reading your about your situation and just wanted to say Im very happy for you. Gives hope to those of us just starting our journey to keep at it. Such a change from where your W such a short time ago.
One thing Ive been able to hold on to is not to believe the words of our spouses. We never know what they are thinking in our presence or in private...at least that is one of the things that keeps me from slipping.
Just a short time ago my spouse said he'd never leave us but he has so my hope is now that he says he doesn't want to be with me that tune can also change.
Dom - I think that you may be right about Retro. I will play that one by ear. I just want to enjoy the momentum that we have right now and continue to work hard on all of this. As I have said before, I am not sure if I am DB'ing or not, but at the end of the day doing what works is the same thing I guess.
AME - Thank you for your support. Please understand that other than some non-commitals my W has not verbally communicated that we are going to try to R. Again, I am reading all of my comments through her actions and piecing some of the comments that she has made.
But I will tell you that there were some revelations in MC today that I think pushed us a step or two further than we were before going in and that I am grateful for. I am not familiar with your stich, but I will try to catch up on it. I appreciate that my sitch could provide some hope, but I think that it would be premature to look too deeply into what I am going through.
I will say again for the record that I can not believe that she is still here. If roles had been reversed I am not sure that I would have stuck around for this long so I have a lot of work to do on Hound first. But I am hopefully that puppy love will prevail!
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
Well, I should play the lottery! I was right in that I was asked again to stay away from the house, not really in a bad way but more of a "can I have some time to think about all this" way.
She asked me last night if I would go back to where I had been staying because she needs to figure out if I am again manipulating her through my behavior changes. She said that I have been pretty crappy to her for so long that she is afraid that I may be running a scam on her right now. I think that is GREAT!!! The fact that she is wondering if I am genuine plays in my favor.
So this morning I called her as she asked, told her I missed and loved her to which she said I was smothering her. Hmmm... then though when I got to the house to take S7 to school I got a nice kiss and hug.
While it sucked to be out of the house last night, it's nice to have some more physical interaction with her and to hear that she is thinking about all of this. BTW, this morning I saw that she was reading the book suggested by the MC. Maybe tonight we will do some of the exercises.....
Me: 33 jacka** whom lied, stole, cheated, and basically treated DW like crap for years DW: 29 kind soul who gave too much to me over the relationship
S7 S4
M: 7yrs Bomb: 10/19 Seperated: 10/24
The worst reconciliation is better than the best divorce
