We hear a lot about detaching on this sight. But what is "detachment" really???
Is is going dark? Is it going dim? Is it NC?
IMO, it's not any of those things. You can do those things and still not be detached. You can NOT do those things and be detached.
It's a very complicated concept to grasp I think.
I would like some input from those on here that have mastered the technique of emotional detachment to help out the newbies and some of the oldies that seem to have trouble with this concept.
Sweety !! I am so proud of you for starting this thread ! Now jot down your best detachment methods, for YOU are one of the best detachers around !!! I'll be eagerly reading !!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I didn't read anythign about detachment other than what was in the DB book. I am, however, an expert. Why? Because I just live my life and let others live their life. I am an expert because I take care of the things I have to take care of as I see fit and let others take care of their things as they see fit.
Detachment is one of those things that when you get there, you don’t need to even ask the question. You just are. It is not complicated. The complicated part is the emotions you have which keep you from detaching. That means you have not accepted your situation as it is. When you are detached, you have.
I looked at the resource you posted and it says it all. Actually, it says too much. Pick those things appropos to your situation and go with it. No sense driving yourself nuts.
Life is simple. Keep it simple. Move forward with your life.
I think that I am a work in progress regarding detachment. I am sharing with my children about the same concept while I am working on myself so they can hopefully learn from my mistakes and this can give them much more peace in their lives.
I think what helps me most of the time is remembering I am not in control. Reducing expectations on other people is also a huge change for me. When I get close to someone or care about someone, I have a tendency to put unrealistic expectations on them so when they "disappoint" it hits me like a sledgehammer. No matter how much I respect someone, I constantly remind myself not to make them an "idol" or a "god".
I focus only on myself and what I can do to be a better person. I don't mean that in a self-absorbed way, in fact, just the opposite. I am trying to become a person who does for other people without expecting anything in return. The goal is to enjoy simply helping others and being there for them.
As I said, I am a work in progress
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
To me, detaching is a frame of mind. It can manifest itself in many ways, depending on your sitch. It can be complete end of contact, minimal contact, or just a frame of mind that no matter what your H says or does, you will not be affected by it.
I have detached on many occasions from my H and I have to say, it REALLY worked for me. And everytime I went into detach mode, it killed my H, and it saved me.
Detachment is the decision to live YOUR life separate from what is going on with your H. I also would suggest that detachment means no physical contact. That will just confuse you even more.
It means removing yourself from the drama and finding your own peace.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
