How did you tell your X that you filed?

[JMC]

I have reluctantly come to the conclusion that my M is all but done, and as a result would like to get the divorce completed before the end of the calendar year. It should be a simple division of assets and debt, and we have talked in the past about using one attorney to save costs. Hence, I will need to file.

I have contacted an attorney, but need to file the paperwork to get the ball rolling. I would like to alert my WAW that I plan to file some time this week if possible. My guess is that this would be the polite way to get things started. For those of you that did file, how did you do it....did you tell your WAS that you were going to file?

Thanks for any help!

[azhira]

Uh...xh and I went to the courthouse together...we printed out the papers off the internet, I filled them out, he signed. I had him 'served' at the counter, as he was already there.

Probably not the answer you were looking for.

I was giving xh what he wanted. We made it as clean and simple as possible. It was sadly easy.

[alamogirl]

Hi JMC,

I am sorry to hear about the demise of your marriage. I didn't file but I can tell you how my ex let me know. We were in the middle of marriage counseling, and my ex turned to me and told me that he was ready to file for divorce. He filed about a week after he told me. About a month and a half after he filed, I was served at my home. I'm glad I knew beforehand.

[JMC]

Thanks for your posts. Azhira, it sounds as if you did it yourselves. I have looked into that, but everyone tells me to then have an attorney look at it anyway, so I figure I may as well just get it done professionally.

Alamogirl - thanks for your kind words. I am thinking the same way as to letting her know beforehand. My stbx and I agreed that we would not have each other served.

I did not sleep well last night as I plan to call her today and hopefully arrange a meeting to get my cell phone off her plan (evidently it is better to have the plan originator sign the paperwork to alter a cell phone plan - this way I get to keep my # and save $ from having to start a new plan). Hopefully she will agree to meet and I will then be able to discuss the attorney and some financial issues. If not, I will simply discuss the divorce matter over the phone. My intention is to get this done before the end of the year and not have this nightmare continue into 2008.

[azhira]

Yes, actually, I did it. Worse than taxes. But...it only cost a total of $600 (for both of our filing fees), and were done in 90 days. Neither of us wanted to pay a lawyer.

I'll be honest. It really sucked. We never went to court. Getting that letter in the mail, with the judge's signature... It's not an experience I would care to repeat.

I will say this. I think this approach prevented a lot of animosity on both sides.

Of course, xh trusted me. (And I trusted him.) I can recall standing in front of the counter, getting the documents notarized, and the lady pointed out that xh had missed signing a page. She was startled when he didn't even read it...just leaned over and signed the page.

[JMC]

Worse than taxes.

Thanks for the laugh!

It really sucked.

I can imagine. I have been anxious all day, and, as previously indicated, did not sleep well.

I think this approach prevented a lot of animosity on both sides.

Of course, xh trusted me. (And I trusted him.)

My goal is to have no animosity as well, and while I can not trust her when it comes to OM, I do believe that she would be fair during the legal proceedings.

Thanks again for your input.

[alamogirl]

Hey JMC,

If your divorce is going to be quick and easy, I would definitely go the easiest route possible.

I can see where hiring a lawyer would create animosity. Since they are working for you and representing you, it will seem as if you are the one being abrupt and forward. I hired a piranha who was willing to do anything and everything for me. We wheeled and dealed, but I think I came out with the better end of the stick. Our case never went to court.

I know this sounds weird, but I requested to be served. My lawyer friend (not my lawyer) adviced me not to waive any rights to include being served. When my ex's lawyer called me to arrange a time for me to go to his office and sign the waiver, I informed him that I wanted to be served. Of course, his lawyer accused me of "stalling." In the end, do what is best for you. Every case is different.

Good luck to you.

All my best,
alamogirl

[JMC]

Thanks Alamogirl. She actually returned my call this am and we plan to meet this Sunday, at which time I hope to discuss this matter in more detail. I plan to present it to her in a way that will hopefully allow for the least amount of animosity.

I still can not believe we are in this position, but I firmly believe she is in classic MLC and I realize she has to proceed on her own journey.

I plan to act strong, GALing and act 'as if', for I would still like a reconciliation (many of my friends think I am nuts, but they are not in my shoes). I firmly believe that she will one day regret her actions.