MK's Last Thread Happy Halloween Everyone! The last of the trick or treaters are gone. Whew!
I had a major anxiety attack and had to call my SIL's mom to calm me down. I felt weird about having my H in my home all night for the Halloween festivities. It went well. We basically acted as if all night. It was exactly like being married all over again. he did the pumpkins while I did the costumes.
Then after he got tired and left I felt a real sense of detachment. Maybe after what has happened with neph and Morgan has made me realize how my H is in the same place, he acts like he regrets being a father but has not admitted it ....yet. It was a perfectly executed night and he was still not really there. No sentiment. Nada. It all felt kind of forced. Do you know what I mean?
I am done with him. How many times do I have to write it before it comes true. He was here but he was not here. then he left to be a lech somewhere else. That taints everything good he even attempts.
Last edited by mkultra; 11/01/0704:27 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
yep, husband, agree with you. eventually it will stick, when its right to. can't force it, even when logic and all signs point to it being so.
sorry about the anxiety attack, but glad you had some good support to talk to. and glad you were able to make it thru, I know how hard it must have been. my h is different...he is a great father and still acts like one. occasionally a bit sharp with them when I wouldn't be, but really, a loving/fun dad. so thankfully the kids do not have wind of his thoughts about having them. he does love them, they are so important to him, but he wishes he could still go back in time and change things. I'm sure not marrying me is one of those changes as well.
mk, we both survived october. and not only that, we didn't let our h's take the month away from us. it was hard, but we both went out and embraced things, we didn't crawl into a hole. we had our ups and downs, but we came out the other side.
hope you are doing okay today
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Aww mk I'm sorry that you had an anxiety attack. I've had a few and they are really awful. Glad you pulled yourself out of it. (my first one I didn't know what it was and actually ended up taking a little ambulance trip to the hospital, I thought I was dying!).
Morgan makes a great point that you both got through October AND you got through it having fun with your kids, going out and doing things for yourselves, etc. You both deserve a big pat on the back for that.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
MK's Last Thread I am done with him. How many times do I have to write it before it comes true.
As many times as it takes. Just one more chance, Just until next week, Just until after the holidays.
For me it goes on and on and on
Husband
This really made me smile because my six month time limit came and went. my paperwork still has not been filed. I close my eyes and I do not see H anymore. Yet, I do not file. I put it off another week. I am glad you know how that feels.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
My Has not paid child support for two months like he promised. he said he made a deal with my mother. Lies. She gave him one months severance and forwarded me two weeks wages. that is free and clear. he says he never bragged about giving me so much money. Lies. His mother, his aunt, his BFF, my BFF all said he bragged about paying two times more than he actally did. So he a cheat, a liar, and now he can add dead beat to the list. He says he does not have the money. OK I can accept that. But he is breaking his promise to support me until I teach full time next year. My mother advised to not make any personal pleas or attacks. to just say the mantra, "I need the money for the kids or I will come up short this month." She said not to question how he supports his OW or if he is on drugs or if he is paying rent or anything, just say the mantra. It is for D6 and S2. That is it. She is always right.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I guess I can break my anonimty rule, maybe. I also have a rule not to meet anyone from the Internet. I guess the world has changed inthis modern time of Match.com. geez, I know sooo many people doing that now. Or on Myspace. Times they are a changin'!
I would have no excuse since you all will be in my neckof the woods. but I dunno. I am pretty chicken sh##.
Last edited by mkultra; 11/03/0712:41 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
mk, I thought you knew for sure your h wasn't involved in drugs?
your mom is wise, though, about this. its support for his children. cut and dried. and what an ass for not stepping up. how dare he.
hmmmm...mk being tempted out of anonymity...hmmm. I know its scary, but helps to meet in a public place that you are familiar with if at all possible. that made it easier for me. I didn't know the restaurant we met at in boston, but I knew the area really well, and had my escape plan if they all turned out to be a bunch of internet freaks trolling for women in desperate straits.
the first time I met people in person that I knew online, it was a group of women (4 of us total) and was this summer. we had known each other online (used to write stories together) for 3 years when we finally decided to go ahead and meet. it was sooo much fun, and I had talked to them on the phone and e-mailed and chatted for so long that I just felt like I really knew them. my MIL was still afraid I'd be sold into white slavery, though, so I made sure to call her as soon as I arrived.
it can be freaky, but it can be wonderful, too. but then, I'm the queen of paranoia...I make sure things are very comfortable for me, and that I have an escape plan should things just seem off somehow. I know you'll understand that, although I'm sure others think I am nuts.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I called my H and left the nastiest voicemail. It was kind of hysterical pissed crying type.
I got into an arggument with my drunk mother. She began yelling at me because I 86ed a customer for beating up two men in the bar. Ever since then this boxer will stand at teh door and yell at me for not letting him in. He is not rich but he is kind of a popular trouble maker. I do not know him from Adam but thems the rules. Rules my mom broke behind my back. Luckily the bartenders all refused hiom service and backed me up. This guy kept threatening me and my mom would not kicjk him out so I left. The doormen followed me and saw me cry in the parking lot. I let them know that I am sensitive about verbal abuse and I cannot tolerate it from anyone, not my H, not my mom, not some bar bully.
After that, I got so upset I made the late night call to my H's cell.
"H, I hate you for this hell you have put me and my kids through. You are a cheat, and a whore, and a liar. I have to work your job to support your kids while you sleep at some bar tramp's bed. You are a cheat, and a whore, and a liar. I have to protect your Friggin kids alone each night while you protect some stranger you met in a bar and her family. They are disgusting. men who cheat and have a midlife crisis come out with their lives in ruin and commit suicide. If you kill yourself I will not take your kids to your f$#@in funeral. I will hate you till the day I die for what you have done to my daughter. I put her into therapy because she is telling her friends at school that her Daddy is dead and that he has lied to her since she was in her mommy's tummy. I hope you rot ,A##hole!"
I do not even know if I have a job to go back to. My H has not given me child support for two months. I cannot teach full time unless I change my contract next year. OMG. I hate my H for all of this. I thought I was blessed and now I feel screwed. I hate being dependent on anyone, my mom, my brother, my H. Ugh.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
