Hard to say mako. I know that must have been tough to hear that she was "transitioning". Not sure what that means but my WAW basically said the same thing tonight when she said that she needed to do some things "on her own". If you respond to the e-mail I would not recommend anything long. Your first initial thought of a thank you may even be sufficient. Most e-mails that have much detail about the R end up sending the wrong message. Just my thoughts based on my experience in the last two months. We have had horrible e-mail exchange on the R and I would go into the C office and tell him all about it. He basically said "don't do that any more". Good luck. Looks like a long path and journey. I hope she thinks about it while you give her space.
ME-30 WAW-28 T-12yrs M-5yrs no kids Bomb 10/1/07 S-10/1/07
You definitely need to stop pursuing her and respect her need for space. I had to learn this the hard way and ended going a month without really ever hearing from my W. I guess that was how long she needed before she could handle talking to or seeing me again. The time needed is different for everyone, so you may need to resign yourself to the fact that this could take a while.
If you respond to her email, you should only validate how she is feeling.
Peace, B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
She seems to expect that she'll just call me when she feels like it, the times that I've contacted her the past couple weeks she sometimes doesn't even respond. It's her world, I'm just playing a tiny part in it right now, and I don't get to play unless she wants me to, mostly just when she wants something. Guess that tells me there's no point to contact her?
Yes, you know this is right out of the book, mako.
You know what to do. You asked, should you respond? No. If she askes for space, give it to her. Maybe wait a day or two and respond with "Ok."
I also don't think "I may invite you from time to time" is going to work. That does not sound like space.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Thanks for the opinions all. I know, you all are right. Space is what she wants, space is what she'll get. I realize I haven't been giving enough of it to her...
Still mulling over if I will respond. I'll wait a day or so and see what I think. If I do it will simply be a one liner that I will accept her request for space or something like that. I may not even do that.
One of the hardest things in all this is simply letting go of someone you love. But I also understand that if this is ever going to succeed then that is what I really must do.
As I think I said above, the head often knows what's right, but the heart tries to tell you otherwise, it's time to start thinking with my head. Thanks again all for pushing me to the right answer.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
I have the same problem. I wear my emotions on my sleave and my heart gets in the way of my head all the time.
It is very difficult to do what we know we should do when everything in your heart is telling you that you should call her or something.
I am trying to tell myself that when we do not contact them we are just respecting their wishes and we are not doing "nothing". We are not giving up on the M but just respecting her wishes. I also tell myself that I might have had a part in failing our R but I will not fail the M. I will always seek reconciliation in whatever way that she will allow me to. Unfortunately they have all the decision making power in where the R goes right now.
ME-30 WAW-28 T-12yrs M-5yrs no kids Bomb 10/1/07 S-10/1/07
Well, I did respond. I just said thanks for everything that you said, and I will give you all the space that you need. So that's that. She can make contact again if she wishes, I think I am done for now.
Whether she uses this time for clearing her head out, personal reflection, and growth, or whether she sees it as just an opportunity to jump into the embrace of some OM, there's nothing I can do. She doesn't want anyhthing to do with me right now, so she can have that. She can still be a part of my life if she wants, at the end of the day I still want her back, but this is my life and I'm going to live it, with or without her. I've been dealing with a boatload of ups and downs lately, I think detachment is the answer right now.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
I know it is not an easy road to detach as I am having problems as well. We just have to tell ourselves that the WAW is going to do what she is going to do no matter what we say or do at this point. We need to figure out how to live without them as that is a possibility. In the mean time they just may miss us in the process and we may GAL that interests them as well. I hate the ups and downs and I am beginning to think that detach is the answer as well. Let me know how it goes.
ME-30 WAW-28 T-12yrs M-5yrs no kids Bomb 10/1/07 S-10/1/07
i think detachment is something that needs momentum. It is very difficult to take that first step but once you do so, you gotta keep going. Make plans outside of the R and keep planning so you have something constantly to look forward to.
