Okay, dug this thread out of the trash bin just so I could post semi-anonymously tonight.
H has been kinda crummy lately, has been off his antidepressants for at least 6 months (maybe longer). A couple of weeks ago (between concussion #1 and concussion #2, for those of you who have been following my "real" thread)he gave me the talk about how my weight issues (yes, I have put on about 40 lbs over my ideal weight despite dieting) and lack of athleticism (um, gee, maybe the thyroid and menopausal hormonal issues that caused the 40 lb weight gain have something to do with my fatigue???) are pissing him off. Oh, and by the way, he's not depressed, it's ALL MY FAULT HE'S UNHAPPY.
(I guess that's true, actually - I'm sure he WOULD be happy if I suddenly morphed into Gabrielle Reece!).
So, even though I recognize the twisted viewpoint my H has on everything at the moment, I'm bummed enough myself about my weight gain that I admit, I start to question myself. Am I really just such an unattractive fat middle-aged woman that H has a right to feel he got totally gypped in life????
So that's why I want to journal about this evening. I went to a little wine/munchies get-together with several other local doctors, with a couple brief presentations on asthma and on cardiac imaging. Very informal, about a dozen docs there, and hosted by a couple of female pharm reps that I like and know well.
Aside from the two lovely reps and the cute gal who runs the office that was hosting the event, I was the only woman there, the only female doc.
And you know what? I'm smart, funny, interesting, and I noticed how the men there went out of their way to talk to me. You can tell when a man is really enjoying your company, and they did! And two of them mentioned that they thought I was MUCH younger than I am (52). One guy even kept me there late so he could take me in the back and show me his ...etchings?...no, silly, his coronary CT angiograms.
Anyway - it was just nice, to have that validation that I'm not a hag, that intelligent men mostly find me attractive and interesting still.
Yes. 40 pounds is really not that much. I keep telling myself that. But it's true. I mean if at your ideal weight you looked really good, then 40 pounds, some of it going to the right areas, doesn't change your basic shape. At least, it didn't change mine. So I went up 2 sizes. That is like a 2 inch difference in the width of the clothes.
But what I was thinking today as I did my exercises in the pool, is are there women who are charming and beautiful in the 60's? And of course there are. So if woman can still be very attractive in their 60's, being a few years shy of that can't be too unattractive.
Yeah - Another uplifting moment. Went to a party with H over the weekend. Saw a friend who is in his early 60's, divorced. Nice guy, kinda average looking. He had a date with him - an athletic, cute blonde surgeon in her late thirties who seemed really into him.
When she had stepped out of the room, I said to him "gee, she seems like a keeper".
And he replied "Nah - she's TOO YOUNG for me"!!!!
Kinda nice to hear a guy say he'd RATHER date women closer to his own age, for once!!!
I do feel a calmness about myself that I just couldn't ever get when I was younger. There is something to be said for maturity. However, I do dread old age. I know women in their fifties who look close to 70. I look 10 years younger than I am. When I tell these women that yes, I graduated college the same year they did, they just stare at me in disbelief. Maybe I shouldn't mention it.
Funny thing, yesterday I got a card in the mail soliciting women over 50 who have lost interest in sex for a medical study. Boy did they send that to the wrong house! My husband and I laughed over it. I guess they use census data to target addresses. I like to think it was meant for the past owner of this house.
And you know what? I'm smart, funny, interesting, and I noticed how the men there went out of their way to talk to me. You can tell when a man is really enjoying your company, and they did! And two of them mentioned that they thought I was MUCH younger than I am (52). One guy even kept me there late so he could take me in the back and show me his ...etchings?...no, silly, his coronary CT angiograms.
You are fabulous and adorable.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Okay, dug this thread out of the trash bin just so I could post semi-anonymously tonight.
So, even though I recognize the twisted viewpoint my H has on everything at the moment, I'm bummed enough myself about my weight gain that I admit, I start to question myself. Am I really just such an unattractive fat middle-aged woman that H has a right to feel he got totally gypped in life???? E
I wonder this too. I am overweight, I know it. I lost 50 pounds when my DB diet started, no one could hardly notice! It's crept back on again. I don't FEEL fat and ugly. I am active and do everything I've always done. Many people compliment me and seek my advice and take me for who I am.
A lady I know went on the WW diet and lost over 30 pounds and she looks like a whole different person! It doesn't seem fair in so many ways.
Mostly I do know that if H is so unhappy in his life that he wants to blame me and my overweight thunder thighs as reasoning for his behavior I know that I know better. If it wasn't that it would be something different such as the way I cook, or pet the dog, or turn the key to start my truck.
You Do (E), live your life the best way you know how. Your H seems like a risk taker in many ways and you're a step behind him to pick him up. Does he resent you for that?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
WCW, Have you had your thyroid checked? I couldn't lose any weight until I got on meds for mine.
Sorry for the hijack, YDKM. It wouldn't matter what we looked like, our Hs aren't going to be happy with us while they're in MLC. They see us through sh*t colored glasses.
WCW, Have you had your thyroid checked? I couldn't lose any weight until I got on meds for mine.
Sorry for the hijack, YDKM. It wouldn't matter what we looked like, our Hs aren't going to be happy with us while they're in MLC. They see us through sh*t colored glasses.
It was a couple years ago and the tests they did (not all of them that that E says to do) turned out ok. Mostly I just over eat because I am usually in a rush and eat the wrong things. I am changing some bad habits once in a while and have dropped a few pounds again. Slow and steady, just like DBing.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
When my H had his affair almost 2 years ago, he lost a lot of weight to look good for her. His thinness did not appeal to me because I knew it was for her. Now that he's a happily married man, he's put the pounds back on. I look at him, and I know he has gained at least 30 pounds, and he's still the same person. The weight makes no difference at all. Actually, I like him better because I know that he is content and relaxed and not starving himself to look good for outside people. I can't imagine how 40 pounds on a spouse can possibly take away another person's happiness. I think that is a lot of BS.
