I’ve been on the “We’re separated” forum for over a year now, with the last 10 months being on active duty with the Army ,and the last three of those in Iraq. Short recap: separated in September 06, volunteered to be activcted and go to Iraq. Drastic, but you’re all here and you may understand. I never regret being here.
Of course, I gave my W. general power of attorney because as you may know, bad things can a happen to good people in Iraq. Anyway, she continues to be short and angry, even a year later.
Here’s the bottom line: when we separated, I played the dutiful role of martyr, and agreed to move into a garage apartment with no stove 5 miles from my old $700K house while she and my three kids stayed there. I heard from my son that W. is now remodeling the basement (on my tax free salary, hazardous duty and separation pay).
I really feel that as soon as I get home, she will finally file. I strung it out as long as I can. I don’t want to go back to having my kids seeing me living in a garage apartment, but continue to be paralyzed by doing radical things that may push her off the cliff and file immediately.
What I want to do is to get a nice apartment and some furniture when I return, without feeling guilty. I have a good friend here who recommended I just go purchase about 20K worth of furniture and a new apartment when I return and not tell her anything? Any suggestions?
I don’t want to push her off a cliff, but I don’t want to live like a homeless vet when I return and she’s in my now $800K house with my kids. I feel guys get scre$ed all the time in this stuff.
Protecting yourself is not pushing her off a cliff. If she wants to leave, she will. If she is making major financial decisions for you that you don't like, is there something you can do to put a stop to that? My understanding is that power of attorney only takes affect when someone is incapacitated.
Just wanted to add...I appreciate all servicemen. Both of my xh's two brothers spent time overseas. It's not easy.
Thanks, az. My oldest D17 is in school in Utah. she was an out of control teen...way out of control. My W. and her would physically fight. It was awful for the whole family. Anyway, this school is about 8K a month...no kidding, but she's my little girl, and is super troubled, although much better now. I inquired about saving 1K a month here becuase it's a 10% interets rate for this paln in Iraq. she said it was tight at home because of D's school, which it is to a certain degree, but the whole re-doing of the basement has me thinking..how tight can it be?
Hi FLTC! I just want to say that not all guys get scr*wed in D. In fact, statistics say that divorced women and their children tend to lose far more than divorced men. However, it may be a whole kettle of other fish in your case. I think your W is playing you ... using your guilt over the kids, your good nature, and who knows what else. What does she have to be so angry and miserable about? Is she depressed? She is living in a beautiful house, acquiring money she didn't have to work for, in a country where women have freedom to do whatever they want, and still she and so many others like her, are unhappy?! Boggles my mind. Which is why I wonder if she is depressed.
You have to protect yourself, financially, and you can find a way to do so without impoverishing your family, I am sure. I live in a $300,000 house, and am very happy in it, for instance. To not protect yourself would be foolish and unnecessarily sacrificial. What message would that send your W, and your children?
Keep yer head down!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
