H told me recently that we are doing well at repairing our friendship. I don't know if this is good or bad since that is all he feels our R consists of at the moment.. maybe forever. Still on the fence although I've done my best to push a decision.
I need some opinions. He is leaving on a trip for two weeks. Should I go dark and give him space or should I do the friendly contact/messaging thing or a little of both?
I would go semi-dark. I would not contact him AT ALL unless he initiates the contact. Then, I would be friendly w/ him -- ask him if he's having a good time, etc., but DON'T ALWAYS respond right away or at all for maybe even a few days. This could backfire, you never know, but also, it may make him wonder what you're doing w/ your time. That's just my input.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Hi, I read your post earlier today and thought, hmmm, wonder what I would do since our sitches are similar. After thinking on it all afternoon, I would not go totally dark either. Semi-dark may be good. I know in my sitch my H would be contacting OW so, right or wrong, or regardless of the reasons, I would not want to go totally dark. Definitely ease up on the contact and let him call you.
He says he needs space to think things through while he's away. So, yes.. I think it's best if I don't call but let him contact me. Beside, I'm sure ow will be in constant (desparate) communication!
LO, I agree let him do the calling. When he calls just act as if. Feel him in on what's going on around house etc. Nothing mushy. In the meantime, eat what you want to eat, watch those movies you wanted to see, call up a friend and go do something fun...
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Hey, it's quite alright if OW wants to be desperate. In fact, it's good, especially if you aren't after he's said he needs his space. That's what is in favor in my sitch, I think, OW pursues too much.
How can I be even more disappointed in H than I was before?? Well, I am. I have a BIG HUGE problem with introducting kids to the affair partner. H's seemingly ended all interaction of this sort with my child (per my requests!); but, I've recently found evidence that H is frequently around ow's kids. This just sickens me. They are small children who's parents have just divorced so, I'm sure they are clinging to another male figure introduced into the household. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!!!!! Am I wrong to be this upset? I really feel sick about it. Not to mention him spending time with her children when he should be home with his own!
I feel your anger. When my W was still seeing the OG, she had taken the kids into the office one day when they were off. I found out that the OG was with the kids and playing with them. I flipped. Told her that is was completely irresponsible to be introducing them to him.
You definitely have a right to be angry. He listened when you expressed your anger about your kids seeing the OW. You should make the same point here.
