Anyone have any ideas? My wife has filed and wants to quit. We are currently separated and have a 3 year old child. I don't want to give up. I handed her some of the information from this website and Michele's video which if anyone is interested can be very eye opening. I love my wife but she is very angry at me which I don't understand and neither does anyone else that I talk to. How can I change her mind or help her understand that I want to work on it and fix our issues? She is a loving mother but is more interested in her work and our daughter than anything else.
Anyone have any ideas? My wife has filed and wants to quit. We are currently separated and have a 3 year old child. I don't want to give up. I handed her some of the information from this website and Michele's video which if anyone is interested can be very eye opening. I love my wife but she is very angry at me which I don't understand and neither does anyone else that I talk to. How can I change her mind or help her understand that I want to work on it and fix our issues? She is a loving mother but is more interested in her work and our daughter than anything else.
I'm kinda in the same position (no children), except my W hasn't filed yet. But she told me that she will be filing next month. We have been married for 6 months and she told me that she wanted out 3 months ago but we have only been together about 1.5 months since we were married. I love my W very much also and I do not want her to give up either. Try to keep your head up Chad, you will get some very good advise on this site.What video do you have? Im interested..
Chad, have you read Divorce Remedy yet? I am sorry for you and your 3 year old. There is always still a chance and I also wanted to file at one pint before changing my mind. Maybe you can agree to the divorce if she goes to Retro Weekend. You can let her know it will help facilitate the process to be more amicable if you go to the weekend. maybe even help you both be better parents. If she is angry with you then maybe you can do some 180s immediately to show that you care to improve your lives. Good luck. There is still hope for you even if she filed.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
The video is "Marriage Breakthrough". Look for it on this website. There is a link to Michele's products. It is only $100.00 but well worth more than that.
How can I change her mind or help her understand that I want to work on it and fix our issues?
Chad - sorry you're here. You're in the right place but I know this is hard.
Definitely read DR as soon as possible. And please, IMMEDIATELY stop trying to change her mind, fix her, make her mind up for her. All of that is out of your control, and the more you try to control or push her, the further AWAY you will push her.
It took a lot for her to walk away, I guarantee that, and she's probably really confused. Trying to make her see things your way only reinforces that she was right to walk away - you can't even empathize with her unhappiness, all you're doing is pushing your own agenda on her. It's totally normal, but it's not going to help you at all.
You cannot change her mind. SHE may change her mind if she sees someone and something that she wants to come back to, though. So work on yourself and on becoming the best "you" that you can be. It may work, it may not, but it's all you have control over.
As for convincing her that you want to work on the issues - does she have any reason to think you don't? My guess is she knows that you want to work on it - and you're probably driving her crazy bringing that fact up constantly. SHE doesn't want to work on it, though. At least not right now.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Chad, sorry to see you here. It's not over yet, there is still hope. My W told me she wanted a D 2 months ago. I agreed and even filed separation paperwork to keep her happy while I worked this program. We're still not out of the woods, my hearing is next month, but W is telling me she loves me now and talking like maybe there is a future for us. Point is, there is always hope.
Couple pieces of advice: read DR, read a bunch of posts around here to see what other people are doing that's working, and give her space. Any time you feel like talking to her, come here and post something instead. If you do talk to her, do not say anything negative. Come here to let that out. This will take time and will require a lot of discipline and self-control. The faster you can get a handle on that, the better off you'll be. Good luck
Hang in there. I think the best thing you can do is give her space as hard as it is. I know its hard because I am terrible at it. I often write letters and then just throw them away or someone suggested making a fake email and email them as if it were my H. This sounds insane but it worked because I was actually hitting the send button and letting my thoughts go. I still struggle daily and thank goodness where he is now he can not get incoming calls because it really helps me with the letting go. It is hard and I know it isn't easy for any of us but with time and space you have your best chance at healing.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
Thanks everyone. The thoughts have helped. Divorce Remedy has given me some inspiration and I am looking into ordering the entire book. I'm trying to give her space but it is tearing me apart that she doesn't want to work on this. I know deap down she still loves me but she has lost it somewhere between the late hours working and our child. They were always first and I always seemed to be the last thing in her mind or heart. We have lost our way and if she could just find the will to give it a try I know we can make it.
