Hey all -- starting my new thread after a Lindy Hopping weekend at the Sun Valley Jazz Festival!
What a blast! Had lots of fun dancing, mixed with a little me-time and a little drinking. Great music all weekend long too!
So, Dave and Heim...
Two of the girls that I was staying with and I ended up going to my W and BF's store to get our groceries as planned (since it was the logical and practical thing to do). At first I was pretty anxious, but after a few minutes I settled in and things were just natural. Then, low and behold, BF rounds the corner and has to ask us to let him and his stocking cart by. We made eye contact, but I'm not quite sure if he recognized me or not (though I'm fairly sure). Seriously, the first thought that entered my mind was, "Damn that guy is ugly!" lol Seeing him there actually boosted my confidence a bunch, simply because I know that, not only have I become a better person through all of this, but I'm much better looking than this guy. He had to come back by a minute later, and actually tapped me on the shoulder and VERY politely asked me if I could let him through again. Of course, I was very polite back and let him through, and just acted like seeing him was no big thing for me (and for the first time it really wasn't!). Of course it was also nice having two good looking young ladies with me too! They were pretty mind-boggled at what my W would be doing with that guy too, so that was nice to hear (I guess). They also joked around that they could be all over me if he or my W came into the picture, but I told them no and that I wasn't interested in playing that card, (as fun as it sounded!).
Didn't end up seeing my W at all, but I saw her car in the parking lot and knew she was there. I purposely made sure to never look toward the area of the store where she spends the majority of her time, and also kept my back to that area as we were going through the check out. We were in the store for a good 30 min. Definitely not as bad as I thought it was going to be, and I'm glad I didn't let our sitch dictate where I went shopping. I will not go out of my way to avoid her, even if the situation is awkward. We will have to be in these situations to fully heal from this experience, so it's probably better not to avoid them.
Again, don't know if BF realized it was me, and also don't know if W noticed me at all since I never looked in her direction. Didn't run into or see any of her coworkers that I knew either. This could've all went down and she doesn't even know about it! Kind of funny to think about that... Even if BF did recognize me, it's hard to say whether or not he will even mention it to W.
So, that's the story folks. I went down a new tunnel, and though I kind of avoided directly seeing my W, it was something new, and in reflection it was a necessary thing in terms of just living my life and doing what is practical. We'll just have to see if anything ever comes about as a result of it. Doubt it, but I'm monitoring the results for a little while nonetheless.
Hope everyone had a great weekend too -- take care!
As I've said before, you know how to GAL better than anyone! Sounds like a great weekend all around, & beginning it w/your shopping adventure was a good way to start.
The scene with the BF reminded me of 6'4" Nomo's handshake with OM, standing over the table with his wife sitting there.
The 2 all over you might have been a little over the top, although the mention of it prolly gave most of the male readers something to consider in their thoughts.
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what my W would be doing with that guy too, so that was nice to hear
It's fairly evident to me why your W was/is with him, as it's also somewhat easy to guess as to why they appear to have hit the rough road. Happens when you jump into a new R to fill a void/need of some kind, & find that it ultimately is a short term fix, something most of us are vulnerable to after a break-up. You've done a good job of avoiding that yourself, so you won't have to deal with the fall-out that almost always comes later.
Sounds like a great weekend all around, & beginning it w/your shopping adventure was a good way to start.
It was a good way to start the weekend. I was very glad I did it after the fact. It was a kind of a "breaking out of my fear" move, and I felt a lot more emotionally free as a result. Good stuff, really.
And yes, great weekend too! Had lots of fun with my friends -- actually quite a bit of flirty fun, but I kept it light and constantly maintained my boundary, even after my night of drinking ! Couldn't believe that one -- you know, with inhibitions depleted and all!
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The scene with the BF reminded me of 6'4" Nomo's handshake with OM, standing over the table with his wife sitting there.
Well, not quite. For one, I'm only 5'10" , and I'm really not sure if BF did recognize me. We've only been around each other 3 times, and I don't know how focused he ever was on me. Plus, he probably would've never expected me to do some shopping there. Hard to say, but at least I didn't feel like slugging him this time -- that's a first (detachment/acceptance?).
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The 2 all over you might have been a little over the top
Most definitely. I think they meant just being real flirty though (not climbing all over me like an Axe body spray commercial). Artificially spawning jealousy wasn't part of my motivation -- just wanted to be natural.
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It's fairly evident to me why your W was/is with him, as it's also somewhat easy to guess as to why they appear to have hit the rough road. Happens when you jump into a new R to fill a void/need of some kind, & find that it ultimately is a short term fix, something most of us are vulnerable to after a break-up.
You're right, Sunny -- I know you are. It is also how sweet he was early on (from what her friend has told me). However, I guess it surprises me that she's still with him. With such an apparently current grim R sitch with them, she would still rather stay there than ask me for help or come back and work on us. It is amazing to me, but then again I really don't know the extent of the pain I caused her. I know I was horrible in some aspects, but don't know HOW bad it hurt her (but it was obviously pretty bad for her to be living the way she's living and being content with it). I'm really curious as to how long she's going to continue this R. Who knows, maybe they'll fix it and be happy together (jeez! can I stop thinking about this crap?!).
Hey Nomo,
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Thanks for the update - you sound good!
Yeah, if I could stop thinking about W so much I'd be SO MUCH better! I seriously need to push thoughts about her out of my mind as soon as they show themselves. Unfortunately, I apparently revel in the obsession. Like drugs, I know it's bad for me, but it feels so good to not let go of it...
Heim,
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Glad you just did it and didn't go nuts at the sight of BF. And, c'mon, of course he recognized you.
I may never know if he did or not. Gotta try not to concern myself with it, as seducing as it is to think about.
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Too many comments about hopping and young women and dancing running through my head. Too many options, my brain's freezing up
LOL! Funny stuff, brotha. It probably sounds better than it was. I did enjoy the slow blues dancing though. Snug body-to-body, slow rhythmic dancing -- pulsing to the sensual beat of the music... Oh, sorry! Are you okay Heim? .
W and I are now officially alternating weekends with the kids. I will now be going downtown every other weekend for salsa dancing! Whew, talk about "caliente!" I'll also be holding poker night every other weekend now, too. My costume party is this Saturday, so I'm getting my house ready for that now. Gonna be an awesome time!
Wow, Sunny -- guess maybe I do know how to GAL like a mofo!
Wow, Sunny -- guess maybe I do know how to GAL like a mofo!
Man, I'll say! That is some serious light fun you've set up for yourself, and it even comes with holding cute members of the OS? That's impressive. Um, what kind of dancing is that again?
You sound great. Even if you're still obsessing about W, you're clearly able to stop thinking about OM, and that's pretty big.
Did you catch my idea of using the strategy you used on sop's posts to stop the brain going to those bad places? I'm still perfecting it, but it's pretty good!
That is some serious light fun you've set up for yourself, and it even comes with holding cute members of the OS? That's impressive. Um, what kind of dancing is that again?
That would be Blues dancing -- still working on getting good at it, but am enjoying the process!
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You sound great. Even if you're still obsessing about W, you're clearly able to stop thinking about OM, and that's pretty big.
Yeah, that is big. Once in a while the horrible thoughts sneak in, but it's more out of disgust because I know W can do so much better than him. I think I killed her self esteem of the years by belittling her during our many fights. Wish I could go back and do it all again with my changes intact, but can't, and the only thing I can do is forgive myself and let it go. I'm getting better at that, but it would be easier if W ever chose to tell me she forgives me. I know I've forgiven her for her past mistakes in our R/M, and have told her so. I may never hear it from her, and I'm going to have to accept that too.
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Did you catch my idea of using the strategy you used on sop's posts to stop the brain going to those bad places? I'm still perfecting it, but it's pretty good!
Would that be the jokes and recipes idea? Explain a little bit on how you apply it to not thinking about the WAS.
More updating to come -- just breaking up the posts.
! Couldn't believe that one -- you know, with inhibitions depleted and all! 
, and I'm really not sure if BF did recognize me. We've only been around each other 3 times, and I don't know how focused he ever was on me. Plus, he probably would've never expected me to do some shopping there. Hard to say, but at least I didn't feel like slugging him this time -- that's a first (detachment/acceptance?).
I'll also be holding poker night every other weekend now, too. My costume party is this Saturday, so I'm getting my house ready for that now. Gonna be an awesome time!
