Well, GP and I had a minor tiff last night and the interesting thing to me about it was my "new" natural reaction to experiencing disappointment or dysfunction in relation to a man. The reaction I had to GP's behavior last night was pretty much the same reaction I had to a couple of instances of behavior I didn't appreciate from NG. Although, obviously, it isn't clear in an adult relationship who is who, let's say for the sake of my analogy that I am the dog owner and the man is the dog. When I was married to PAL my natural reaction was to take it personally when the dog misbehaved and cry or try to accomplish my powerwalk of life or enjoy a fun outing while dragging the dead snarly weight of the dog about or try to "get tough" in opposition to my usually wimpy nature and "train" the dog etc. and finally I just gave up and decided to drop the d*mn dog off at the pound. Anyways, nowadays I find myself not exactly doing what HJNTIY suggests and saying "NEXT!" which to my mind is just the equivalent of taking the dog back to the pound sooner rather than later. Instead, I find myself almost reflexively simply dropping the leash. It's not that I'm walking away from the dog, I'm just making it absolutely clear that the dog is free to walk away from me. I smile and say most courteously "Go on now, have your fun, you aren't tied to me. I'm just going to lie here on the park bench and take a little beauty nap in the sun. In fact, if you are feeling the urge to whine or cr*p, I would greatly prefer that you did it at a distance. So scoot along."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Of course, dropping the line "works" better in the context of a relationship with a man who says things to you like "Why were you doing internet dating? Why didn't you just go to the grocery store and let men follow you home?" 'cause that dog is only going to wander so far before thinking "Why in the f*ck did I leave that bone untended back on that park bench?" and will then feel compelled to call you at 7:30 AM on Sunday morning. However, the point that I might make that would be relevant to any situation is that confidence regardless of context is what allows a person to drop the line.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I think this comes under the heading of realizing that you can't make people do things so if they get resistant and pissy about it, it's best to drop the leash... AND when you do that, you realize that it wasn't all that important that they do what you wanted anyway.
(This applies in normal relations between people of good will who generally treat each other with civility. It is NOT an excuse for someone to abuse someone else or a reason to put up with abuse from someone. What is "abuse"? That is a good question.)
Just checking back in to say hi. I read your locked thread up to this point and wonder if you might satisfy your cow by doing something like making a wonderful meal to eat entirely with your hands to share with GP. Or even - make a meal that was never meant to eat with your hands (like pasta) and eat it that way anyway.
A tiff is a good thing. If there isn't one fairly early on then someone is hiding his or herself!
Well, apparently I am fairly motivated to resolve problems in a relationship with a man who says things to me like:
1) You talk too fast for me to understand sometimes but I find it rather charming. ( He actually also said that he wants to meet my sisters so he can hear us all talking fast together. Something which has pretty much been universally NOT appreciated by all men who have been affiliated with any of my sisters - lol )
2) I wish I had met you when you were 22 and I was 32 because I would have "stole" you right away from that punk*ss guy and we would have had 4 or 5 pretty little babies. (Yes, I realize that it is "wrong" on multiple levels for me to like this kind of comment but...)
3) You should consider yourself very lucky because at age 42 you have a body that would be great for just about any sport. (The great thing about this relationship is that even if it doesn't work out, I will have acquired the guidance of a semi-professional athlete as personal trainer for a while. Apparently, my ideal sport would be tennis if I was in possession of anything resembling eye-to-hand coordination.)
So, I'm going to go play hooky at his house today and he is going to use the whole "personal trainer" thing as an excuse to man handle my legs and then we're going to see a scary matinee which will be my excuse to woman handle his biceps and then there will probably be some sort of muscle handling free-for-all. Fun! Fun! Fun!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
LEASE stop second-guessing and judging yourself! There's nothing wrong with liking this statement.
Or are you making a pre-emptive strike against anyone here who might criticize you for liking it?
okay- lol.
Well, anyone here who is still remotely interested in my 2bx's brand of dysfunction will be nauseated and/or amused by the 4th hand news of him I recently acquired. As you may recall, he fled the state and is currently quite under-employed for a 43 year old male who theoretically still has a child to support. Anyways, my nosey-parker of a mother looked at a birthday card he sent to S19 and in it he said that he didn't have any money but he would send some when he did. He said that he was making a little extra money doing grunt work for a female carpenter he had befriended and he enclosed a picture of the two of them hugging. So...as many of us correctly predicted, it didn't take him too long to find another woman to take care of him. The truly dysfunctional thing in my mind is that he hadn't talked to his mother or me for several months but he just renewed civil/friendly contact with both of us recently. Like he decided he can forgive us for abandoning him because he found a new keeper. - Will somebody please tell me why I spent almost 20 years with that man? From now on it's nothing but Teddy Bears in leather jackets for me. I know what kind of man I like now. The kind that has giant river rocks for pectoral muscles but feeds me homemade chicken and bean soup after using those muscles on me. Of course, it's even better if he responds to my babbled "I like that you used the dark meat in the soup." with an absolutely deadpan "Yes, I am aware that you like the dark meat."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
