CVA - Not sure I have figured anything out?

[Not Much Left]

Hey folks.

I have concluded I just dont get it and probably never will. Since after almost 8 mos of separation I have not return on investment, I am moving toward acceptance of not ever understanding my W and a high likelihood of Divorce. Sad for my kids mostly as I know I will be fine. I cannot speak for her. She is so closed off, it is impossible to read and that is what I do for a living for the most part (or used to anyway).

If this all turns around, fantastic, however, I have some new goals.

1. Get the House thing figure out in next 30-45 days
2. Do more to further some new endeavors at my company, focus.
3. Continue to workout and be in the best shape of my life.
4. Get a little more counseling to figure out if I will ever be able to control Angry CVA. Don't want to hurt anyone like I have apparently hurt my W, beyond repair it seems.
5. Focus on my kids in terms of the time I will be spending with them in the future which may be more limited. I will miss the "little moments" for sure, so have to be thoughtful about time with them.
6. Put a financial plan in place that incorporates a full split. Do not do it out of pity or spite, just what makes sense in terms of the commitment I have made morally to my W and certainly my kids.
7. Keep up a PMA if it kills me. Smile.
8. Take the High Road and Agree, always agree, I really like this one, it may help with #4. Disagreeing always lead to anger in my case.
9. Get out and make new friends.
10. DO NOT BE SELF CENTERED if life throws a curve at me, i.e. pain or whatever.

Those are my top 10. Other than crafting my "letter / email" to my W which may accelerate a D, I dont know, that is it.

C
11

[bar]

CVA you are so brave. These are brave goals -yes -and realistic too. Whatever else, be kind to yourself: as kind as you've been to me and countless others no doubt.

Bar xxx

[waw1978]

CVA

Do not be so hard on yourself. Its very hard to “get something” that another person is not sharing or explaining. Your W has made little to no efforts to indicate what she feels the issues are. You have been sort of groping around in the dark with a flashlight and a map but you have no idea if you have the right map. Who knows…you may be in Texas with a map from South Dakota. Isn’t really going to help much.

You have worked very hard with your C to make lasting changes now that you are aware of what you needed to improve on. You had the guts to face your issues head on and make progress.

I know the email to your W sounds daunting and it may head you towards D but it may not. Try to think of it as a 50/50. Either your W will make a move towards D or she will just make a move period! You do not deserve the holding pattern that you have been stalled in for so long.

I think your top 10 are in line with where you need to go to move forward in your life. You need to start thinking of you and what makes you happy.

[Heimlich]

More like we've all got blank maps of the world with directions written in hieroglyphics while standing on the bottom of the ocean.

Good goals, CVA. Give yourself a pat on the back for avoiding knee-jerk reactions and thinking through some logical, obtainalbe goals.

Way to go, Peyton.

[Not Much Left]

Thanks for the encouraging words Bar, WAW and H. Really appreciate it.

Everyone here needs a pat on the back for just being here and working through things unlike our WAS's. At least we are coherent enought to think about reaching out to those who might be helpful vs. those who will just say, yeah, your right, D!

C

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

I think your new goals sound great! The best thing is thinking them through; the hard part is doing them. You'll do fine. What's up with the email to W? Any more thoughts about being strung along?

Can't wait to hear how your evening with Nomo went! Got your butt pants on?

Take care.

[Not Much Left]

Night was fun, falling asleep. Butt pants, mmmm, mor like well fitted expensive jeans, nice [censored] and cool shoes (good breath, white teeth and smelled ok I think!)

[bar]

What have you been up to, CVA? Sounds like a lot of fun!

[Puddle]

Night was fun, falling asleep. Butt pants, mmmm, mor like well fitted expensive jeans, nice [censored] and cool shoes (good breath, white teeth and smelled ok I think!)

Okay, CVA, give! Tell us about it (when you wake up).

[Not Much Left]

Hey puddle, just posted on your thread. You and Sunny got a lot of airtime while we drank and talked! After a few drinks with a colleague, met w/ Nomo at a hole in the wall bar where we drank some more and he got his groupies to butter me up and tell me how great I am (Thanks Nomo!) Wonder how much he paid them, it must have been a lot!

So I snuck out around 11:45 while he gave me a hard time about leaving (had to wake up at 6 to get the kids to school). I had a really good time just being me without all this crap.

I am in "sunny willpower mode". Our respective WAS's seem to have no problem totally ignoring us so I am finally at a place where I can almost ignore her and not ask "how are u doing" which is more habit than anything else. So this morning I just showed up, said hi and bye and left.

Need lots of caffeine and off to play Golf! It is beautiful outside so looking forward to it.

C