Husband, Thanks for making me have a good chuckle. I think I messed up. Last night while we were sleeping, I was half asleep and got "frisky". My wife was asleep but started to respond but when we were finished, she was angry that I had woken her up. I know it was selfish for waking her up but my sexual urges clouded my logical thinking. I know it sounds like an excuse but I realize I was selfish but I'm so attracted to my wife that my sexual urges do get in the way. Here's what I emailed this morning: Just wanted to let you know that I know there is no excuse for waking you up at night. The timing of that is selfish on my part and I apologize. I realize that is something that still has to be worked on. I'm not making excuses, it's just that I have feelings for you that way and I am not perfect, I'm only human and I know I will make mistakes from time to time but I will work hard to learn from my mistakes and try to find a solution. I don't want to ignore things like I had in the past. I want to always take responsibility when I make a mistake and try to learn from it. With everything that has been going on, I just want to connect to you and feel closer and being intimate is one way that makes me feel that way. I know it has to be both ways and I'm sorry. My sex drive sometimes takes over my logical thinking and I need to work on that. I know it is selfish when I do that but I don't mean to be selfish, it's just the attraction and wanting to feel close to you that clouds my thinking. I know you need time to sort everything out and you are not ready for that yet and I am sorry but please just know it's done out of love and for wanting to share that with you. Please try to be patient as I try to work on that.
I will work hard to learn from my mistakes and try to find a solution.
Really? You keep doing the same sh!t over and over. What is it going to take for you to understand what you are doing? Why would you keep reminding her over and over of how you are falling short? Why must you apologize over and over and over...?
Here's something else to add. My W is over 10 days late with her period. I told her if something happened I would be there to support her. She told the OM about it and he was a total azz and cruel to her. He wants nothing to do with a child. He said I am a better man since I would be willing to bring up another man's child, if it turns out to be the case. We are thinking she is late because of stress. So she basically went off the wall about him and said she never wants to talk to him or see him. This was this morning. Now this afternoon she tells me that she had to call him to let him know that someone at work was trying to get him in trouble about something with the company truck. Freking amazing...She was worried I was mad that she talked to him again. This time I was good and was perfectly fine and told her it was fine she talked to him. But in reality I am pizzed. Am I wrong for being mad about this? Here is what she said in email. Remember I did NOT ever question her talking to him again. She brought it all up and I just smiled and went with it.
WIFE: please don't get mad about that. it is work related, nothing about personal stuff, but I don't think either of us deserve what k is doing in the office....... ME:No I'm not mad, I do understand..... WIFE:the reason I tell him is because he knows the whole deal here with K from the beginning...and if something happened we would just have a good laugh because what K did to me was wrong from the get go......I know that person has made me so mad, but that is personal stuff, this is all work related and I feel like I need to watch his back as much as my own....I would not want anyone to lose their job.....that is wrong. can you understand that? ME:Yes deary, I do understand, that's what I had said :-) You don't need to worry. You seem to think that I am mad about it but I'm seriously not.
Going, Have you set any goals for yourself? Have you given thought to a road trip? I'm wondering why you won't allow yourself to do things on your own?
Going, Ok. That is a start on getting your emotions under control. I can see why you are pissed. You need to detach and distance yourself a little. She needs to sense that there is a chance that she just might be losing you in the process of finding her. Can you do that?
GISH - Been reading your thread. I second what SingleAgain is saying. Also, you are letting yourself get stuck on W's roller coaster from hell. I know, I've been on it. GET OFF and stay off! Read the DR book for guidance.
People in affairs are insane drug addicts. Plus, it sounds like your W is also in MLC (like mine). The bottom line is they are F'ng crazy while the A lasts and are not responsible for what they say or do. They will lie, cheat and steal to get that next hit from the OP, just like any other addict. And they are totally oblivious of the feelings of their spouse, children and family. The only cure is time, which is on your side. However, in the meantime, every day will seem like a week and every week like a month. The only way to deal with that is to GAL as hard as you can. You need to get some space away from her to do this. Separation might be a good idea.
Anyway, I know what you're going through cause I'm still in it. Keep working. Things really do get better with time.
LL
M 63 W 40 M 4/91 S14/D9 bomb 7/6/07 D filed 8/3/07 final 2/4/08 thread
About this pregnancy issue. I thought OM was impotent How would your W be carrying his child in that case? Someone is being a bit circumspect with the truth here.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Good question Saffie, It took a lot of work to get him to that point and they were not able to use protection 100% of time because he kept losing "it" but he was able to complete the act a few times. But again it was difficult for him to get that way and easily lost it. So even "pre" has potential to get someone pregnant
How would your W be carrying his child in that case? Someone is being a bit circumspect with the truth here.