I've been locked...My wife is back home but last night she told me everything she told me last Sunday is not true. She told me she loved me and wanted to come home. She said she hated to be on her own and the only person she wanted was me. Now 1 1/2 weeks later, ie last night, she said she needed me for support and was an emotional mess and only said those things because the OM had messed with her emotionally and I was the only one there but that she still has feelings for the OM. So basically I was deceived and lied too. She said she didn't mean to lie but she thought she wanted me but realizes she doesn't want me. She is going out with some more co-workers this Saturday. And she keeps adding more and more, now she says she is probably NOT coming home Saturday night at all and will probably stay with some of the people over night because they will probably be partying all night. WTF??? She is 44 yrs old, with children and grandchildren and now she wants to party like a 20yr old while I stay at home. She says she will do as she pleases, etc. I'm still in shock. She goes from being all over me being, kissing me, making love, saying she loves me last week, to this 360 change for no reason, and I'm suppose to act like it's ok, etc. I can't handle it, I'm sorry
GISH - if you can stomach it have you thought about getting her to move out again. You know she doesn't like being by herself. It did make her think about you and value you more. Could you get her to move out and tell her you will have your S9 and she can go do what she wants. OM we KNOW is not interested in commitment - he will fcuk her head up big time and spit her out.
If you want to stay married to her perhaps the best way is to let her see completely - no holes barred - what life is like without you. She will soon tire of it all and if she is living elsewhere you do not have to have the pain of watching it all play out. Stop enabling and supporting her. Throw her out.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Going, She is going to try on this new life and you have to let her. It is time for you to pull away from her and GAL. It is time you get out also. Reserve kicking her out for "shock and awe". You already know what effect her being on her own will produce. You need to start re-inventing yourself.
Saffie, I would use "no holes barred" to describe porn. I believe no holds barred is more appropriate.
Single - Ok 'kicking' her out might be a bit too dramatic but do you not think convincing her to leave might not help? It might mean that GISH is not having his nose rubbed in things as much AND she will get lonely quickly - GISH just has to let her stay lonely longer.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
My problem is I love my wife 100% regardless of what she does. I just feel so stupid and foolish for believing her 1 1/2 weeks ago. I know you aren't suppose to cry, etc but last night I couldn't help myself. I had to let it all out how badly and deceived I was feeling. I NEVER got angry or put her down, just told her how hurt I was being taken advantage of and a fool. I told her I love her, etc. It may not be DB princples but everyone has their breaking point. It's like someone tells you they love you and they want to work it out and then 2 seconds later without notice, they kick you in the stomach and say "oh by the way, I really didn't mean that". We've been intimate a few times too during the week and even that has been good and normal. I guess I keep struggling why the split personality of the whole thing. And I can understand her going out with some people, I have no problem with that, BUT why make it a STAY OVER, and not come back until Sunday morning. That's what hurts me so bad and she doesn't see that. Should I make plans to go out myself one night and leave her home by herself? Or would that backfire on me?
My problem is I love my wife 100% regardless of what she does. We've been intimate a few times too during the week and even that has been good and normal.
Going, I can feel your pain but....be thankful for this moment. Can't give good advice. I think I would just let it go for now. you do have her back in the house. I know the "sleep over" hurts. My W just had one herself. It was with her "girl freinds" but still I stayed awake all night wondering. Lest you two had a "moment togeather" It's been over a year for me.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Would you normally go out? Sound like you wouldn't from what you have said so why notBUT not because it is 'tit for tat' but because you want to go out and GAL.
I know this is hard - it hurts. People do backslide. You cannot control her you can only hope that she will want to stay for who you are/ want yourself to be. You need to work on YOU and doing things that make you feel good and fulfilled. Think of some things that you have not done but would like to do. Plan to do one of them - SOON.
You know you can do this and you are in for the long haul. There is obviously a connection between you and your W that many on here would be so pleased to have so let her see you at your best and build on that connection She sound very lost and confused at the moment - you need to make sure there is an obvious road that she will want to follow.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I believe no holds barred is more appropriate. 
