Job interview went well and looks like she'll have an offer. The job is in a department store in a mall so it doesnt pay much but its a start. She said something interesting to me as we were discussing the position. She said she hopes people dont ask about her personal life because she doesnt want her co-workers to know anything about her personal life. I then said maybe me and the kids could meet her for lunch and she said she didnt want us to come into the store because she didnt want her co-workers to know about her personal life. Am I reading too much into things in thinking that maybe she wants to give off the vibe to others that she's unmarried and available. Being married to an MLCer sure makes one think about things.
Me-46 Her-47 S-17 S-13 Married-20 year Bomb-5/14/07 DBing-Since July 07
I think she is more likely to be unsure of herself - give it a bit of time in the job and see what happens. She might not get it or if she does she might not like it or if she does she might relax and meet you for lunch.
I would go with the flow for the moment. Be supportive but at the same time look after you and work on you.
saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Lots of thoughts are going through my head. Looking back we never really discussed our problems that well. We sort of let things just slide. My fear is that if and when we ever get to the point where she feels good about us again will she be able to bring it up when in the past we havent always been good at discussing issues? As mentioned in my original post, early on I asked her if the separation dates we agreed upon were okay with her and she responded that she would get back to me in the next day or so. She never said a word. I guess its just part of the overall confusion. Thanks so much for listening.
Me-46 Her-47 S-17 S-13 Married-20 year Bomb-5/14/07 DBing-Since July 07
Lots of thoughts are going through my head. Looking back we never really discussed our problems that well. We sort of let things just slide. My fear is that if and when we ever get to the point where she feels good about us again will she be able to bring it up when in the past we havent always been good at discussing issues?
Down the road, if you reconcile, this can be a condition, that you actually talk about problems. Please RE-READ the down the road part.
Relizing that not talking about problems in the past might be a part of this is a good reason to actually do it in the future.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
She's going to accept a different job with less weekend hours so she can have "more family time". ALso said if the job doesnt work out she may focus on school. I know patience and support is key; however, I keep thinking I need to inititate R talk or it may never be discussed and things will stay stuck in neutral. Of course, three months ago, I never have thought things could ever as progressed to where they are now. I think I'm confused
Me-46 Her-47 S-17 S-13 Married-20 year Bomb-5/14/07 DBing-Since July 07
Seriously, neutral is better than backwards. We, humans (especially the males) feel we need to take the bull by the horns to get things accomplished. As you said, you didn't things could have progressed this far which doesn't sound neutral to me. While I can't know what is going on in her head, you do have to give her the freedom to find herself. It will take time and I am not talking about a few months. She is home. She is looking. You just need to be strong.
Again, don't feel the need to have a relationship talk. Take it from someone who tried that approach. It doesn't work. Besides, you really want your wife to bring the subject up. She is the one with the doubts.
Keep working on you. You are doing so well. I know the temptation is to do the R talk but if things are going well - which they seem to be - keep on DBing.
Her attitude re the job and wanting more family time is good - if she wanted out I would have thought she would pick a job that clashed with family time as much as possible. Keep thinking of the positives.
saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
