WTF is going on :-( Is this normal??

[goinginsanehere]

Hello everyone. I didn't think I would be posting so quickly again.
We are still together but I really want to eat a bullet. My wife has been back for 10 days now and the first 6 days were great. She was apologetic, loving, etc. But now the last 3 days or so have been a emotional terror. She's been questioning herself coming back now. She says it's the same old thing at home. She said there is nothing in the relationship and questions that she didn't give it enough time to be on her own. Remember SHE IS THE ONE that wanted to come home 10 days ago. She kissed me, hugged me, cried, said she loved me and was so sorry. She said I was her best friend and that I was the only one important to her, etc. We made love with so much emotion, etc and she "finished" during lovemaking. So now I feel I'm back to square one. How can she so openly be glad to be back home and telling me she loves me and holding hands (which she never does) to being cold and standoffish and questioning everything. She broke her apartment lease and even went back to a joint bank account and canceled her single acct. But now she has cold feet about dissolving our separation agreement. 7 days ago she couldn't wait to sign the papers to get rid of the separation agreement, now she wants to hold off and think about it? WTF is going on here????

[MariS]

goinginsanehere

First, it is GREAT to hear that your WAW chose to come back and has said the wonderfull things to you. YES, she IS going to question herself. Do not take it personally....listen to what she says and validate with out accusations. Give her the space and time, while you continue to DB, GAL and show that you have done a 180.

My basic stitch is that WAH-MLCer is physically at the home w/child and I, but still hangs on to his family's condo. The D is still filed, but I'm not served. He IS STILL in the MLCE tunnel and the alien continually raises it's ugly head spews forth venum. Every so often, the question is thrown out why are we doing this? Nothing has changed. I don't love you. Everyone say's it is your fault and the reason I am unhappy. OW and I traveled w/friends and she has more to offer.

UGH!!!!

This is a roller coaster ride, with no guarantee that it will end at the station with all passangers safe, or if it will derail.

Time will tell you what you need to know and will continue to give your the intuition and strength you need to gage each situation w/your W.

Keep a positive As If outlook...

Sending you PMA and Atta Boys.

:-)

The MLCer's are similiar to young children, we must hold our ground firmly, but with a gentle hand.

[cat03]

She's thinking with her emotions, not challenging the thoughts in her head. What if , what if ... they could kill you, those "what if..."

Could you guys see a M councelor? sometimes a third party is needed to show the MLCer his/her craziness.

Piecing is hard, perhaps she thought everything would solve itself by magic, that all would go according to HER idea of what an M should be, (we all watch too many movies, in real life things dont' work that way).

Piecing is 2 steps forward one step back. Don't try to convince her of anything, sadly, her issues were unresolved when she came back and she still needs to deal with them. How? maybe T on her own if not MC with you, perhaps.

[runningoutoftime]

Give her plenty of space and stop expecting things. She may have came back too early. In the book "Getting Back Together" there's an interesting take on this. My husband used to yo-yo and change his mind.

Here's another thought to consider. Perhaps you are wanting more connection and reassurance after all that has happened, and she's feeling smothered. Think if that applies to you. No matter where things go in your marriage, it's important to give space and work on YOU.