Nothing much going on. Just journaling and hoping for a miracle... Yesterday, I worked from home. I got a few things done around the house. It was obvious to me that wife expected me to have done more. She was very surly and grumpy. Although I know she was being passive-aggressive, I asked her, "You seem like you are angry. Is something bothering you?"
She replied that nothing is bothering her. Although I know this is not true, I am avoiding her this morning, trying to avoid her negative energy.
Update... she just came into the room (I am in bed), and said that she needs my help. I agreed to help, then she accusingly said, "Were you on the computer again? You're on that a lot, you know." True, but I ignored it and went to work.
It will be very interesting to see where she sleeps tonite. I suspect it will be on the couch. Every bed will be full (with guests); however, she needs to put on a good show for the family as the "woe is me" unhappy wife. It will be interesting!!! Gotta run... lots of cleaning to be done!!
I think all of our spouse wonder what we are doing on the computer so much. Little do they realize we are her because of them.
If it weren't for my network of friends here, I have no doubt that right now I would either be living alone or anybody living with me would be a living a hellish existence. So in that regard, the "therapy" of this board is a good investment of my time.
Originally Posted By: husband
stay strong dude full beds may be a turning point.....
husband
There will be no miracle tonite, or any time soon...
There will be no miracle tonite, or any time soon...
Thanks for the thought anyway... [/quote]
Mark, As much as you may not believe Ya gota stay positive "self fulfilling prophesy ya know. Please do as I have tried and expect the best but be prepared for the worst.
Manuel
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Do you want us to make the same offer to you as we did to Theo, (I think it was), some time ago....we could start posting you ladies underwear....that would give your W something to be grumpy about!!!!!
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
We entertained her family last night. As you know, some of them support her getting a divorce (creepy, huh?). And as much as I would I would like to win them over, I am fully aware that too much too soon is a really bad idea. So I was friendly, cordial, and a good host. I did not hover. Indeed, at times I kept my distance, especially as the conversation dragged through past friends & classmates that I did not (and never will) know.
Originally Posted By: husband
Quote:
There will be no miracle tonite, or any time soon...
Thanks for the thought anyway...
Mark, As much as you may not believe Ya gota stay positive "self fulfilling prophesy" ya know. Please do as I have tried and expect the best but be prepared for the worst.
As expected, she slept on the couch last night. Sorry husband, but I did not for a minute expect that she would crawl into bed with me. It's been about two months of her refusing to sleep in the same bed together. At this point, if she were to do so, it would be sending a clear message that, at this point, she cannot convey.
She needs as many nodding heads in her family to pat her on the back and tell her that a divorce would be a good thing. And when they see that she is sleeping on the couch, they will say, "Wow, she's really serious!"
Also, she is traveling on business this week. I am not sure when she is leaving/returning. It really doesn't matter because she lies to me about where she is going, when she will return, what she is going to do, and whom she will be seeing. She leaves when she leaves, and returns when she returns. However, I do know that she will be reunited with her boyfriend...
I'm headed to the gym for an early morning workout...
Last sentence reminds me of something that happened on Thursday afternoon. Remember, I returned from my business trip and announced that I was going to the gym. She then became very upset about my lack of contributions re: housework.
Fast-forward to my return from gym after being gone for a few hours. She said, "I thought you went to the gym."
Me: I did go Her: How come you aren't all sweaty Me: Um... I took a shower... Her: Oh, so you showered there? Me: Yeah, I ran for an hour on the treadmill. It gets kinda messy when I do that (in case you don't know, a person sweats more working out on a stationary machine because there is no wind to dry the sweat. It gets very messy... at least for me it does).
That was the end. Combine that with her Saturday comment that I spend an inordinate amount of time on my laptop, and I believe that she has convinced herself that I am having an affair of my own. I believe that she thought, rather the go to the gym, I went to see my lover for some "reunion sex" with my lover after having been gone on a business trip.
I see this as both good and bad. The good side is that she sees me GALing and detaching. The bad side is that it justifies both her affair and her desire to divorce.
I can anticipate your questions already.... Yes, I wear my wedding ring all the time, rarely removing it. No, I don't take any strange phone calls, and I don't sneak off to talk on my cell. No, she does not have access to any of my email accounts (nor do I have access to hers - at one time we were totally open). No, I don't go out alone very often (it's been several weeks). Yes, she does have access to the call log on my mobile phone (it's a company phone that locks itself, but it's not hard to figure out how to "crack" it).
It is indeed something she has fabricated out of nothing. I have never been unfaithful to her, and she knows it. IMO, in her mind, she wants me to have an affair.
I know, I know... I am not focusing on this!! Just commenting on an observation, that's all.
Now, if you will excuse me, I need to GAL... off to the gym to SWEAT!!!
That was the end. Combine that with her Saturday comment that I spend an inordinate amount of time on my laptop, and I believe that she has convinced herself that I am having an affair of my own. I believe that she thought, rather the go to the gym, I went to see my lover for some "reunion sex" with my lover after having been gone on a business trip.
I see this as both good and bad. The good side is that she sees me GALing and detaching. The bad side is that it justifies both her affair and her desire to divorce.
Hey Mark,
You’re not as smart as ya think "I can anticipate your questions already...."
Nope I was NOT thinking any of these questions. I too have found this part of Galing the "glass half empty or half full" syndrome. Detaching / galing is very interesting. Depending if the person sees the (glass half Full). "OMG Manuel / Mark do have a life. I guess they really don't need me. I better change my way's to get him back"
Or half empty) "OMG Manuel / Mark do have a life. They really don't need me. I might as well move on"
Somehow we need to find a common ground. One that says I need you but I'm not dependent on you. I think I have showed my W that I am no longer dependent on her so now I carefully need to show her she is still needed. Now be careful on the definition of need here. I mean it more as "wanted" not needed as “I can't live with out ya”.
Loved the joke
Husband
Last edited by husband; 10/14/0711:40 AM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Somehow we need to find a common ground. One that says I need you but I'm not dependent on you. I think I have showed my W that I am no longer dependent on her so now I carefully need to show her she is still needed. Now be careful on the definition of need here. I mean it more as "wanted" not needed as “I can't live with out ya”.
Wise words. Right now, she is waaaaay too focused on herself and getting what she wants and having things her way to see that I am getting on with things for my own benefit. I know, it takes time.
But, as I said in a private message to another DBer, my wife is behaving like there is no tomorrow because she knows that I am still willing to save the marriage. I am her safety net. Once she figures out that I have made the conscious act of detaching, that I believe that my happiness is not dependent in any way on her presence, her love, or her approval, only then will I be able to draw her back to me. I'm working on that.
