There and Back, # 9

[hiscott]

Morgan,

I'm glad for you that today is over. Sorry that you had to have any interaction with him at all. Sounds like to handled it with maturity and strength. He is a schmuck.

One day at a time

[jackw]

thinking about you!

[LooseThread]

Morgs, how bout acknowledging your inner child to help soothe the pain?

Pretend that you are two people. One is the parent and one is the child. The child is the one that your h needled today, the child is the one that is so upset. Your other part of you that is the parent should hug the child and tell her whatever you would tell a child of yours that has experienced pain. Tell her that you know it hurts but you love her and give her all the cuddles you can. I can't remember where I read it but it does help. My C also did this with me, it doesn't take away all the pain, but it does help you to realise that you have the ability to comfort yourself. You are an adult now adn to expect your parents to comfort you as they would have done when you were a kid is not necessarily going to work, you as an adult have to comfort your inner child. You have to love yourself. You don't need anyone else to love you (it'd be nice, but it's a want, not a need) because you love yourself enough to be the best you can be.

Chin up Missy. This too shall pass.

[mkultra]

OMG OMG OMG M organ, My post from yesterday did not get sent! Ugh. OK it is too late now. I wish I could have been here for you sooner. Did it really go that badly? It sounds like it went real badly? Like the way it played out in your worst case scenario head. All dramatic and him being insensitive and defensive. I am truly sorry. This too shall pass.

Morgan, do not give your H any more power in these sitches. Do not give him any ammunition to blow him and you up. Each time you remind him that he is supposed to love you, their natural reaction is to try to figure out why they do not EVEN IF THEY DO!!!

I know how you feel about it being our day and they making it just another sinful day with OP. That is sacriligious, right? How can these whores be with married men on their children's birthdays, or their wives' anniversaries, Mother's Day? They must really believe they are single again and we are just baby mommies from the past? So when did our Hs become fodder for Jerry Springer?

Can you start over tomorrow? No contact with hubbie unless you act totally as if. Don't apoligize or anything, just ACT as if. I imagine that my H is still nuts about me but just feels like he cannot have me so he has to be an a$$. His loss.

You can always remind your kids that they did come from a married couple who loved each other so much they made beautiful kids. Sometimes people grow so far apart and make each other so sad they do not live together. But ten years ago you had a big wedding in a pretty place, like a princess. Even Princess Diana got a divorce though. Remember you cannot guilt your H in this sitch.

[nephartiti]

Good morning, Morgan.

Wishing you a wonderfully beautiful day full of peace and inner warmth.

((HUGS))

[Reincarnated]

Morgan--
A new day begins, another gift for us. Another day to hear your children's laughter. Are you baking today? Taking a morning walk with the kids to collect leaves, acorns and pinecones? Hear the crunch of the leaves under your feet?
It is supposed to rain this afternoon. Get a cuddly blanket ready on the couch, make some hot chocolate with marshmellows and a pile books for you and the kids. Help the kids make a fort with the couch cushions, pull out some flashlights and have a "campout." Crayons and white paper, some masking tape and you can "hang" some pictures in the fort...

Makes me want to stay home and play...but we are all off to school.

Stay in the present, love yourself, be gentle....

{{{morgan}}}

[SallyM]

hey all,

thank you so much for all of your support! I watched the sox game and fell asleep early last night, then was up walking the house at around 3am, so am a bit bleary this morning.

unfortunately I did not hold back this morning when H called. was irritated and went off on him a bit. I know I shouldn't have, but I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling attacked and disrespected and having all bounderies crossed without thought by him. I ask so little of him, really, and as usual, give so much. I mean, c'mon folks, he wants me to be "normal" with him? normal would be a hell of a lot less empathetic, a hell of a lot less understanding, a hell of a lot less anything other than bitch. and yes, I did say that to him. I pointed out that he doesn't even want to talk about his life, he just wants me to tell him about mine.

I know, I know, none of that will get me what i want in the end. I don't even know what I want at this point, truth be told.

he had no idea he even upset me last night. the man is so freaking self-involved its not even funny.

anyway, I wasn't all that bad, but I did get a few things off of my chest. he apologized, said it wouldn't happen again, I didn't laugh, but I know that is worth the paper its printed on.

I really appreciate all the words of support and wisdom here. they mean a lot to me. I'm realizing how far away from DB-ing I have gotten. not that I expect it to even save my marriage at this point, but at least hopefully if we do divorce, it will be friendlier. I think I'm going to re-read it this weekend. I've been meaning to, but haven't. care, until you pointed it out, I forgot exactly why I'm not supposed to say these things to H...because they are so self-centered they only see their own pain/anger/hurt.

I have no plans for this weekend. I'm free to do whatever/whenever. haven't had one like that in a while. not a bad thing.

today is a new day. today is about morgan. I made it thru yesterday...I can make it thru anything. I'm standing at the top of this hill and have another one to start up soon, but for now, going to look out at the view ahead and decide on my own path.

eta, the sad thing is I think I could have diffused a lot last night if I had just asked how he was after he had asked how I was. I didn't. I don't ask anymore. I don't ask anything about him anymore. I thought that was the right thing to do...now am wondering.

[care]

eta, the sad thing is I think I could have diffused a lot last night if I had just asked how he was after he had asked how I was. I didn't. I don't ask anymore. I don't ask anything about him anymore. I thought that was the right thing to do...now am wondering.

M, It doesn't matter. Don't go through the 'could have, should have's'; it is just not worth it.
What is done, is done. Yesterday was a hard day, you made it through. Pick yourself off, dust yourself off, reread DB/DR and get back on the saddle.

Hope you do something special for yourself this weekend. you deserve it.

[SallyM]

thanks, care. you are right, of course. I need to get back in the saddle and stop the idiocy/madness.

what I really need to do is just back off right now. I sent him an e-mail this morning, saying I was sorry for this morning and that I didn't get much sleep last night and that I do understand that yesterday was hard for him, too.

I got this back:

Don’t be sorry…I deserve it. You’re right. I shouldn’t put you in that position and I won’t.

but there is nothing he can say to me right now. it all just hurts. it sucks. I've still got him/them on the brain.

wtf happened to us??? how did we get here???

okay, must stop spiral. will not talk to him again until I see him for the kid-swap today. I will still have a happy life with or without him. I won't turn into some mopey weepy person just because he has made this choice.

[Dom R]

But ten years ago you had a big wedding in a pretty place, like a princess. Even Princess Diana got a divorce though.

pretty marriage ceremonies, dont make for pretty marriages.
The "even" in "even pricess dianna", is kinda wierd to me.
Both she, and Charles, were not ready for marriage in the first place.

For morgan:

I know, I know, none of that will get me what i want in the end. I don't even know what I want at this point, truth be told.

If you decide you want a marriage with your H again, there's something you need to realize:
It's beyond "not getting you what you want".

every time you "lose it", or act demanding, you push him further away.

the sad thing is I think I could have diffused a lot last night if I had just asked how he was after he had asked how I was. I didn't. I don't ask anymore. I don't ask anything about him anymore. I thought that was the right thing to do...now am wondering.

My opinion is that you should have asked. Unless you are specifically and deliberately in "I dont want anything to do with you" mode... you should at least be polite, shouldnt you?

I think that being in half-and-half mode, is another "push him further away" thing.
If you tell him, "I dont want anything more to do with you until you stop having an affair", then it's clear to him why you are acting that way, and what he has to do to stop.
Otherwise, the best thing (judging from other folks) is to be nice to him.

Inbetween behaviour, i think perpetuates and reinforces you as not a nice person to return to.

It's not logical, or fair, to act nice to a person who is betraying you. But it seems like, by most accounts of recovered marriages, that is what is needed, for those who dont just "go dark".