IM she has caused so much damage that I do not want her back, I just couldn't do it anymore. she has no place to run back to. I have felt that way for some time and just have been trying to negotiate with her. That does not seem to be working so now the L will have to deal with that and I will step back from all of that. unlike her I do not have anyone else, how could you being in a messy sitch like this. I will wait until all this is done and then maybe, but I have standards for any new R, and since I am not a bar person that limits my options I guess to the produce section at the local grocery store.
w8ing anything that I want she wants. it is ok that the cottage is sold my new building plans calls for about twice the size and could be a retirement home of i wanted.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
let the spewing begin. W went through my gear bag that i use when staying at a friends when it is not my turn in the house. In the bag was a inventory list from out cottage that I wrote right after she used our JC session to tell me she wanted a D. She found the list and went nuts, two phone calls of nothing but screaming at me and how no good i was and how I couldn't be trusted. I think she got all the good ones from the script in there at some point. Of course anything I said wasn't even listened to, and wasn't valid anyway. Not the way I wanted to start my day. we even talked about our R and M which she told me was over and then blamed me. I mentioned that after her bomb that i had asked, begged and pleaded with her to go for MC and work things out and she refused. Then she tells me that she tried working on it for a long time, hello never knew there was a problem how about giving a guy a chance. nope no way not interested is what I got, open the door and get the hands slammed in it once again. doors closed, dead bolted, chained, and if someone will hand me a hammer and nails please. enough is enough!!
Then late this afternoon her finical planner called me to talk about a plan to free up cash for W to move out. so this guy gets my side of the sitch and realizes that I might be smarter than the average bear. we talk about several different options, and when we get done he comes back to my original option and tells me that it is the best option for the long term, no kidding. So he tells me that he will advise W to go along with my plan b/c it is the best option. Now that's going to go over like a you know what in you know where. we shall see how this plays out.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
I'll meet you near the onions! No, wait. They make me cry. How about the artichokes??/
Yes, it will go over like a lead balloon. If you could just somehow get her to have your ideas, life would be fab. I'm sure you husbands out there know how to do that. Many of us *ahem* trophy wives do! :-)))
bleh
Take care of you sweetie. Work out the anger and the aggression with vacuuming or kickboxing or bellydancing. Whatever works for you.
Friendly - okay - I don't know what NWOH looks like, but I do have the image of him bellydancing in my head now...I do believe he has his uniform on.....hmmmm.....
NWOH, you don't need me to tell you this, but you are trying to reason with someone who is unreasonable at this point in her life. My H went nuts (although didn't spew) when he found out that I had a meeting with a L...even though he told me that I should contact an attorney. You are trying to make her see some sense - it just isn't going to happen now. She is not in a place to do that.
When she is spewing at you, can you just say something to the effect of "let's talk later, now doesn't seem to be a good time". Why ruin your day?
I know, I know, easier said then done.
Hang in there. Try the belly dancing. Couldn't hurt. Might help!
Ok both of you, that was not a pretty sight, even with the uniform on. I'll stick to the mountain bike and hunting. F1 has a photo but I bet she can't find it.
w8ing unreasonable or irrational, now add in paranoid, can't talk reasonably, rationally or otherwise to them. Today she is moving out again but is angry and bitter. she found out that I may keep the house if i can afford it when everything is final. is now questioning the appraisal for the house and cottage. I also have a buyer for my fishing boat and asked her to get a price so it didn't look "fishy" and let me know. now she has a buyer for the boat too, or so she says.
A friend of mine told me when all this started that there will be stages to the D and this anger and bitterness is one of them. I didn't think it would get this bad.
I guess you can say that I am no longer DBing and need to protect myself and kids from this train wreck b/c she is full steam ahead with no one to catch her when she crashes.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
Yeppers, you are in full contact survival mode here. Actually, I am not saying the D is certain. I am saying the line is getting drawn and you need it to be the best solution possible for you and the kids. That should still be 'fair' in the opinion of anyone representing her legally or financially.
One day you will be glad you were fair. One day she should see that the plan was fair. It will never be what she wants. At this stage they want it all. They want you to feel the pain they are experiencing. You are not the sole source of her pain. She can't even put her own finger on that source. It will take months or years of suffering for her and those she brings into her life. She is in a transient stage of life she will one day look back on differently. Doesn't mean crap to you right now though, it is not your immediate concern.
You seem to have a solid grip on your view of assets and future plans. Don't let that get clouded, and your future will work itself out just fine. It may seem now like it will be different from what you always expected. But it will be ok.
Her's will certainly turn out different than she always expected. And it will be different than she is currently thinking. It will be sad. It seems so many of them are determined to be sad, and don't yet see that in their own mirror.
NWOH - I think that you can still DB and protect yourself. To me at this point in my "R", DBing is detaching, GAL, getting a PMA...stuff for me. And the biking and hunting are exactly that.
I know that there is more to DBing than the above...but in the MLC section of the book, the above is what is focused on.
NWOH - just checking back in. Been lurking rather than active and following your situation. Hang in there - I am in the same part of the woods. I would be interested in hearing more about the stages of D as my W is in the thickest of Fog. She keeps threating D but has not made her move.
Enjoy the hunting season - sorry my Bears upset your Pack. AKFLY
