MK, I vote for fate and agree with Morgan. It was good to get it out, but probably won't help you any to send it. It will probably just complicate things. I have a feeling your H knows how much he has screwed up. He is just too deep and is in self-destruct mode. Plus, the path home isn't safe anymore. I am not judging you when I say that. It is just how these things seem to work. You have felt under attack for so long, you have to protect yourself. That doesn't allow for an open path.
Take care, MK.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
I am quite relieved. I guess I will just have to lay low and play nice. Status quo and being dark is good for now. I cannot control anyone but myself and hope for the best. My grandmother and mother had to deal with far worse sitches during their divorces. This should be ideal actually. I have two jobs, my eduacation, my health, my looks, my house, my kids, love and friends. I am thankful. I still feel love from my in laws so that is good. Yet I do feel pulled towards a divorce. I am not sure what it will solve. It just seems right.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
mk, you have sooo much going for you. you will be fine, I have no doubt, no matter what happens.
interesting question. what do you think divorce will solve?
This sounds weird but it will make it better for H to have a girlfriend. Is that the craziest thing you ever heard? I just think it is inaappropriate for a married man to move in so quickly with a practical stranger. At least get a divorce first and then move in. I know that this is how affairs operate. They are not like normal relationships. This is not like my H at all. He never even lived with a woman before we becme engaged. And he never cheated on anyone for he only had two girlfreinds and we were both like his best friends first. I am just sick and tired of the humiliation and gossip as it pertains to my job, my family, my kids at school. At least with a divorce he does not have to sneak around and be a creep. He can just be a single man who looks disgusting next to his girlfriend who looks like she could be his daugher.
Also Homer says to file. Date and file. Make the first strike and this will stop the divorce. Although I think that would have worked in the beginning but not now.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Breathe. She had a convo with our DJ the ONLY person in mYh's corner. This DJ, who truly cares for me and my H both, scolded me the other day for "being a b to my H and not letting him take the kids trick r treating." he totally defends my H and loves him a lot even though he knows he is having an affair and was verbally abusive. This DJ is an extremely non judgemental stoner-live and let live dude. My mom had lunch with DJ and he told her how unhappy my H was with his OW and that he was very depressed about seeing her. My Mom asked if he was going to dump her and the DJ said, probably.
My mom told me this story to see if I was prepared to go through with my divorce. She wants me to be sure so she advised I wait more than the six months. Wait until the tax year clears. She said there would be no point in divorcing a misreable man, only a man in LaLaLand because I would not get as much in the settlement. My Mom is all business but she knows I am all heart and that I will always love my H. Sigh.
Then she confided that there was much more to my H then she ever let on. That this affair was not the first. That many times she may have been drunk but that he took other women home and now she believes he was cheating many months before this affair. I think so too from the way the bartenders speakof him.
Last edited by mkultra; 10/27/0711:09 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Does that make it harder knowing that he philandered before he settled on a mistress? So, if the "source" is correct, the A is going down the tubes as we all knew it eventually would. That would explain H trying to feel you out.
Now the ball is in your court, dear MK. You just said you will always love your H. Do you love him enough to create that safe path home? Do you have enough in your love bank to sustain you through the next battle? Or are you ready to move on with your new life? You will be blessed no matter what you choose.
Your mother is a wise woman. I think your sitch needs more time. Things are changing. Wait til the dust settles before you make any real choices.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
mk, gossip and mini bombs. They can knock us down, but at least we don't stay down as long as we used to.
Your H. What are you going to do? Your 'six months' is up, right, that was your limit? I agree with your mom. If you truly aren't ready to be divorced, then you can wait a bit longer. Not to see if H comes back, but maybe to see if he can get to a better place, in order to focus on things more.
