I am looking for some more experienced members to answer this question. I have been working hard on the R here, and there is responsiveness on the part of the H, but he insists that there is no attraction (no "in love" feelings), so we have no sex life. This is a relatively new development, as we had sex up to the time he told me his ILYBINILWY speech. Is this normal? How can you have sex one day and then have no attraction the next? Does the sex come back? How? Should I try to initiate or just sit back? As he is willing to work on the R, should I just content myself with that and hope that it will lead to reestablishing sex? Wouldn't having sex help create those "in love" feelings? HELP.
I would say try to initiate and see what happens. If he is willing to work on R, there is no hurt in trying.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
From all I've read sex is a mental thing. I'd try dressing sexy, acting sexy, hinting at it, flirting and see if that gets him thinking about it. I might also ask him what he finds sexy. What is the sexiest thing he can think of? While you're asking him these questions wear a low cut top (or tight sweater... whatever you think he likes...). You may have to entice him, but try not to make it too obvious. Whatever you think he likes or whatever he tells you he likes... try to do that. Also, do things that make you feel sexy as well. When you are gushing with sexuality he may find it difficult to resist you.
One more thing. I think any woman can be sexy. You don't have to have the perfect body or be beautiful. Sexy is an attitude.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
my H is back after a year of replay complete with the A with a cow 1/2 his age in his MLC. Hes been home 2 months...wants to be home...the ILY's pour out of his mouth ...he hugs, he kisses..we share the same bed, we cuddle and spoon..no intimacy. he told the C he was afraid to. I do not push. he knows Im ready....dont know what else to do.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
It may require patience and just working on friendship now. I think ILY's are a good sign (it took quite awhile for my husband to get there!). I still say, try to take extra care of yourself and do things that make you feel attractive. At the very least it will help you keep up your own PMA.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Being a guy with the roles reversed for my situation....patience, patience, patience is a my only course. We are just beginning our journey and while having intimate relations would be a brief show of attention and desire, I know that the real thing is worth waiting for.
But boy is it tough to keep the hormones at bay!!!
H: 33 (ME) WAW: 33 S: 10 D: 7 3/17/06 Wife left 10/4/06 D Final 9/30/07 XW states she wants to reconcile 10/7/07 XW starts process of moving back in
Was your H distant because there was OP on either of your parts? If there was then this may be a big factor in the time it may take. Is the Trust issue involved or is it just distance?
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
