I know what you are saying...but it doesn't seem real to me. If I was enough for my H...he would have never have turned to the skank...How could he have gone to someone the total opposite of me...no morals, no respect, evil,left her kids,bankrupt,hoe...
It is really hard not to believe that I am not good enough for H anymore. So easily replaced...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
It's so hard when you love and trust someone for so long. Then this happens. I felt so demeaned in reading his letters to that girl. Saying he had a bad marriage. But was acting like all was okay with us. We had went through rough patches before this. But at the time of this we were okay. He told her how sexy she was as she sent pictures. He told her he preferred blondes all his life. Not sure how he ended up with a brunette. ( that's the color of my hair) It's like I don;t trust him anymore. It's almost like I can't give my heart completly. But see my heart just feels there is more to this. There was evidence that leads me to believe it. He was calling a girl he use to work with. She called him to. But used *67. When someone uses *67 on his phone to call him it shows up as his number. But he called her, and right after she called him. The calls haven't happened now for like a month. But they may have both got wise.
I am just trying to do things that will make me happy right now. Make me feel better about myself. I am back in school at 36 years old. I have been taking some me time. Whether it is to shop or go get some breakfast or whatever. I have stopped pursuing my husband 100% I don't ask where he was, or anything else for that matter. I have let him initiate any contact. I am not rude or short at all. I make him lunches before work and nice things like that. But I don't initiate to much beyond that.
Lately he has seemed to warm up again. He gave me money last weekend and told me to spend in on myself. He was all happy when he saw what I bought. I love to buy crafts and that's what I did. Last night he came up and kissed me and just held me for a minute and looked at me. It was actually kind of akward.
But then he made up for it today when he got all pissy about something stupid. And told me I had the attention span of a 10 year old. Because I apparently didn't remember him telling me about his new work hours.
I have stopped pursuing my husband 100% I don't ask where he was, or anything else for that matter. I have let him initiate any contact. I am not rude or short at all. I make him lunches before work and nice things like that. But I don't initiate to much beyond that
Exactly what I am doing. Exactly. I don't make him lunch (he drinks meal replacement shakes), but I make sure the girls and he have a good meal ready while I am working, do his laundry with ours, etc. Other than that, he is on his own. I miss doing some of the things for him, and my heart wants to do them, but it can't be all fun and parties at the home he is tearing apart.
Let's hope it works!!!
I, too, struggle with what he told OW (bad marriage, I am cold, bitter, hard, etc) and what was going on in real life. That is a big betrayal for me. HUGS!
It's so hard when you love and trust someone for so long. Then this happens. I felt so demeaned in reading his letters to that girl. Saying he had a bad marriage. But was acting like all was okay with us. We had went through rough patches before this. But at the time of this we were okay. He told her how sexy she was as she sent pictures. He told her he preferred blondes all his life. Not sure how he ended up with a brunette. ( that's the color of my hair) It's like I don;t trust him anymore. It's almost like I can't give my heart completly. But see my heart just feels there is more to this. There was evidence that leads me to believe it. He was calling a girl he use to work with. She called him to. But used *67. When someone uses *67 on his phone to call him it shows up as his number. But he called her, and right after she called him. The calls haven't happened now for like a month. But they may have both got wise.
I don't know your whole situation, I just read this and it kind of struck me as him telling the OW what he thinks she wants to hear and not necessarily how he feels...if that makes any sense.
Yeah that is true. He could be only telling her what he thinks she wants to hear. It's so hard to not take it personal though. : (
LWB,
Then you know the pain. I feel he makes me out to be a monster to people. Oh well I guess he has to do something to try and justify this. That way if we split up people will think we had so many problems and I was mean.
Journaling,
Today I went and got my hair cut. Was feeling good about myself. I wanted to try something different so had length cut off. My husband just looked at me and gave me this look. I asked if he liked it and he said I don't like shorter hair. It is to my shoulders. I felt like saying ohh but the OW has shorter hair and you told her how sexy she was. But I didn't. I actually didn't react. Our daughter was nominated for a big award that she was receiving tonight. He went but might as well have not been there. He is just so distant and angry these days for the most part. It's like he couldn't wait to get out of there. That is so not like him. I almost feel like he wants out but feels trapped by the kid's. Deep down he don't want to be the bad guy and walk away. I think he tries to push to get me to leave. I may be wrong but that's how I feel anyway.
I almost feel like he wants out but feels trapped by the kid's. Deep down he don't want to be the bad guy and walk away. I think he tries to push to get me to leave. I may be wrong but that's how I feel anyway.
I'll one up you. H has said this to me "I am trapped because of our kids". All that you said above, I am living as well.
trying, I bet your hair looks beautiful. Similar again, H doesn't like short hair but OW cut her hair this summer and its above her chin. Mine is past my shoulders.
HUGS, I know how you felt when H gave you that uninterested look about your hair. Does not feel good.
I guess all that matters is that I like the hair. : ) I mean I care if he finds me attractive. But lately he hasn't paid any compliments. I did have like 5 compliments today where people told me how much younger I looked with my new hair. LOL I guess that's a plus.
My husband in a round about way told me the same thing. He said I have 8 years until the youngest turns 18. He kind of said it under his breath during an arguement. When I asked what he said he replied nothing. But I still heard it.
Tonight I even went to try and give him a passionate kiss bye. He tried to distract it in every way. He is just distant, distant, and more distant.UGH!
Trying- Just stopped in, and wanted to say a couple of things. First, I'm sure the hair looks great - who cares what H did or did not say, it's for YOU; Second, I think we can all relate to the uncertainty and doubt, and feel for you 100%. One thing I have learned through my experience - trust your gut. I felt like I've always had a good sense of people, situations, etc. I actually began doubting myself this summer because of my situation. To the point of going to counselling myself, to see where my confidence had went - I can't say the individual counselling did much for me, though. In the end, I learned that you should trust yourself - if something does not feel right, it probably isn't. Now, that's not saying *every* paranoid thought is correct, but the initial gut feeling has been in my case. How to act upon your instincts, well that is a whole separate question - but I will never doubt my 'senses' again. My W and I have our first MC session this afternoon. Initially I was very excited to get things rolling, but I still have all of the same doubts I had before, resentment, hurt, etc... Is she going through this for the right reasons. I guess I'm hoping the MC sessions will flush this out one way or another. I hate the thought of living in this land of doubt, I just want answers, I'm know you can relate. Take care, Chin up B
P.S. If you master that voodoo thing, I'd certainly pay top dollar for that handbook
