lester's house of pain

[lester]

Well, I've done little posts here and there so I thought it may be appropriate to start my own thread. When I was in Iraq I had a blog where I just laid it all out there (without operational detail, of course) about how I was feeling and thought. I think this new thread will be that for my new war. Right now, I feel very much like goinginsanehere. Used to feel even-keeled, but last weekend when wife and I had talked she seemed very much torn between me and OM but I think actions have to speak for themselves. She’s still in the house but after work goes upstairs and lays in bed until she falls asleep. Frank_D has slapped me around a bit about being too much of a doormat. I don’t know… it seems at one point or another we can all see ourselves that way.

So where’s it leave us? Do we push our spouses out the door? Demand devotion or divorce? I honestly don’t know the answer here. I think in my situation, the only thing she seems to respond to is the thought of me leaving her as evidenced by R talks (mostly initiated by her). I wish I had something positive to report but my Paxil hasn’t fully kicked in yet She looked up prepaid mobile last night so I think she’s steaming full ahead. I’m starting to think I should cut my losses here. I guess it’s hard to ask for advice here since you don’t know my wife and I day in and day out.

I’ve been thinking about the beginning of the relationship to try and find out what initially attracted her. I know this is going to sound odd but I really can’t figure it out. She’d say she liked my clothes, the way I walked and thought I’d be a good husband. She’s like a hurricane that just pulls into port and does whatever she wants… I know this isn’t the place to express these things but I think maybe I shouldn’t have married her. I guess it’s between waiting for her to choose and me dumping her. It’s patently unfair for her to even ask me to wait for her to make up her mind. I am a flippin human being with dignity.

Ohh well just venting for today. Maybe tomorrow will feel better.

[No_LRT_Yet]

Well lester,

I talked to my wife on Monday. I told her I was tired of just existing while I was waiting on her to decide if we were going to try or not. In simple words, she told me it was over. So if you ask her to decide, make sure you are prepared for the answer.

[Yoyowife]

Lester,
I'm glad to hear from you again. I was wondering what had happened to you.

You are a human with much dignity. Don't let her destroy that. You are a good person or you woudln't be here trying to save your marriage. She is the one with problems, we all have to realize that about our spouses.

Right now is the time to concentrate on you, because obviously you know that you can't change anything about her.

Take care of you and your children. Do things to make yourself and the kids happy. Stay out of her way and act as if. Save your sad moments for when you are alone.

Give the Paxil time. How long did the doctor say it would take to work? If it's past the amount of time he said, maybe you need to give him a call and perhaps try a stronger dose or something else.

Hang in there. Come on here to vent and get great advice from all of these wonderful people.

Yoyo

Yoyo

[RedHeadWife]

H and I are almost at 9 years. We have 3 boys.

I know sometimes I didn't really "like" him either, but D was never an option for me.

Are you honestly "checking out" or do you think you are just saying those things to somehow protect yourself & your feelings. So that maybe if she does choose OM and/or choose to leave, you can say "well, I didn't want her anyway"?

Just some thoughts.

[Yoyowife]

Well lester,

I talked to my wife on Monday. I told her I was tired of just existing while I was waiting on her to decide if we were going to try or not. In simple words, she told me it was over. So if you ask her to decide, make sure you are prepared for the answer.

That is so true. Don't ever ask anything you are not prepared to handle if the answer goes the other way. Patience, Patience, Patience.

[lester]

On the flip side how does one live their life in limbo? Does she not get that this is MY life as well, this is my CHILDREN's primary family, why is the decision all HERS then?

Well, frank_d gave me all this stuff about how to reattract your wife and what not. It was definately food for thought and I'm incorporating it into who I am. I mean I guess I just am starting to feel that maybe we weren't right for each other. She's the one who sought me out when we first met. Honestly, if I were dating she's not the typical personality I gravitate towards. I guess maybe fog affects us both and I'm only starting to see bad things, I don't know. She seems to be superficially trying at the M while didn't seem to think twice before delving into the A.

[lester]

I think I know the answer to my question is in my question. My kids deserve to have both parents. I think I know why she's looking at prepaid cell phones because I once looked at her phone record but haven't since. It's actually kind of funny since I moved past that that she's still paranoid.

[rysmom]

I am so sad I just found out my H gsve the ow a diamond ring some time in the past 11 mos. He moved back home a week ago after I gave him an ulitmatum but I think he still sees her. I feel like i going to lose mmind or get sick over this. today was not a good day.
m-44
h-49
s-13
m-19 years

[fightingirish]

I don't know your stitch, but im so sorry about that. That's terrible.

Keep trying to look at the positives, I know easier said then done.

Take care.

tal

[rysmom]

I know I have to look at the positives but I get so depressed that H doesnt call me when he finishes work, and he still goes to the gym where i think they use to meet. I know I should be grateful that hes home but he wont do anything to ease my mind to where he is after work .
My son is 13 and I feel so bad hes going through this. He will be scarred for life from this. I know I was when my parents D because of adultery, I felt like I would never trust anyone again.