I feel that I want to write this to my W and the OM. I dried all the way to work, had to stop in a parking lot just to clear my head. I am angry beyond belief and totally not myself in any way.
I guess what I feel as a sorry sob is that perhaps I could not hear I am sorry and I feel so bad about what I or we did. I don't get it at all, so then I just trot along and pretend that everything is fine in a way. I am not saying that it will change anything, I guess I am hoping that it would make me feel a little better. My story is that the OM is part of our social club, and he was what one could call a friend of mine as well. The social gatherings are starting for the winter season so I saw him last night. Just a hello, was all, but I guess it triggered something in my subconcious or whatever.
I know that it is not fair or equal in any way, it just seems so odd, I just hoped that maybe he would have a little note where he just said I am so so sorry and I hope to get the same from my Wife but that is not happening.
Just feel very very lonely right now,
Thanks for listening, have a great weekend and if in Canada as I am, Happy Thanksgiving,
although I am not familiar with your stitch, Im sorry you are feeling this way. feelings will come on suddenly and then get better. Having it be a friend of yours makes it even more difficult.
This is a good place to be if you are feeling this way.
Take Care
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I feel your pain. I see OW all the time (our kids go to school together). We don't speak (she avoids me usually), but the after effects are always hard, no matter how I act when it happens.
Try to get through the day. Its so hard, isn't it?
Found out late July, and I figure it had been an EA for most of the year and the a PA from about May or so. I am with my W at home and I guess we are working on it. She does not talk or say anything as to how she is feeling which worries me. Just that she needs space and time alone and that her feelings for the OM are real and strong.
That is my stich in a short little nutshell. The OM is working on his marriage as well and we knew that there would be this incidental contact, just had no idea as to what the feelings or reactions would be. Hopefully will get easier as time goes by. I said that if I feel a little more secure about my situation and my marriage at home that it should be ok, so obviously I don't feel very secure based on my reaction and my emotions.
We have been trying to have a baby for the past 2 years, and when all this started we were doing artificial insemination. I know how much my wife wanted it and then she gave it all up in a way have her A. That obviously hurts as well so maybe I just need a shovel and have to bury it all.
Wow, you have an endured a lot.. Just going through trying to get pregnant is difficult and an A on top of it.
You can try and bury it, but don't keep it all inside.. come here to vent because you do need that. Its not good to keep it bottled up. Everyone needs something or someone to vent to.
Tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I said that if I feel a little more secure about my situation and my marriage at home that it should be ok, so obviously I don't feel very secure based on my reaction and my emotions
I feel this same way. H isn't sure he wants to work on our M at all, so being in limbo is very hard.
I think you are doing well. The emotions from the A (both yours and your W) take awhile to die down, I hear. Its just hard to go through it.
Scary feelings that is what worries me. I am usually a fairly stable and always looking for the silver lining type of guy. The fact is that had I seen him this morning I would have beaten him to a pulp with a totally uncontrolled rage, I know that and it scares me to no end. I slammed some doors, threw a few things and I just boiling inside. It is not me at all.
I will keep on venting and venting, and thanks for listening,
I broke a few things last weekend. Totally unlike me. I couldn't catch my breath, it scared me.
I just started reading "Not Just Friends" and love it. Its scary how right on the author is, about the cheating spouse AND the betrayed one. Try to find a copy. Its hard to read (reality right there on paper), but it is very helpful.
Might go and buy it then, I have some medication so I took that to calm me down, but I am definetly in another world at the moment. I will try to take it slowly and one moment at a time. Trying to keep myself busy and distracted but not easy.
We are not telling anyone, trying to keep it a secret so if we fix it all up, we will not have the baggage to haul around. Or as my doctor says that my W has a big albatross that she has to live with for the rest of her life. Anyhow, what I would love to be able to do is somehow get the message out there to anyone who might be considering infidelity how it is far worse than what seems like a little joy or escape at the moment.
We don't need advice not to cross a highway on foot, and many other things, but for some reason, and they might be selfish beyond human comprehension, people decide to have affairs and do other things that in the end hurt most everyone. I guess with crossing the highway, you can only do it once and then it is over, with affairs, you get hit by the cars over and over again.
maybe I should write a book, but chances are the people who should read it would not be the first ones to buy it.
Just my luck, not available at any Canadian store, maybe better since I might or should probably read something else, or maybe it helps me heal, who knows. Scary how many books there are on the subject and so sad to think of all the other people who are in this same situation.
