CVA - thin PJ's & Massages

[Not Much Left]

Wow
Puddle, as I was reading what u wrote all I could think was, yes, you're right, yep, right again...and how you broke it down "Nomo style" was as Nomo put it "penetrating".

I think all I can think / feel right now is "lucky". Lucky to have people who have never met be willing to help me (although I have met Nomo and value that friendship greatly) and just lucky to be healthy, have 4 beautiful children and the overall great life I have had, have and will have.

Thank you for your kind and insightful thoughts.

C

[waw1978]

I can't help but feel for you CVA.

Its obvious your W does not have any clue how much you do for your family.

You know how I feel about this whole thing. Your W needs to pull up her stockings and make some decisions. A big wake up call is needed for her. Sounds like its coming and I really hope she figures out what her next step will be. We know what yours is, MC & saving your M. Hang in there. Keep DB'ing.

[alk24]

My suggestion is also to back off. Let her realize what it's like to be a single mom. Not as retaliation but as the reality of how a divorced woman with kids lives (which is what she still says she wants..right?). I suspect you will still be doing more than a lot of dads do (even the ones who are still MARRIED) so it won't be like she's got all of it on her own. Maybe my opinion isn't the best b/c I get NO support from my ex husband. He lives 30 mins away and has NEVER picked them up for sports practices, dr appts, etc. He gets them on his weekends and shows up for the glory (like when D14 got homecoming court he was the one who escorted her, but that's it he didn't help with anything else). He has watched them maybe 5 times in the past 8 years that we've been divorced when they've been sick, so I wouldn't have to take off work. So for those reasons maybe I'm a little biased when it comes to your situation.

[waw1978]

In case my post came across in the wrong way I didn't mean you should be punitive to your W.

I just agree that she doesn't have a firm grip on what life would be like if things do change. Plus she will get that "space" that WAS need to clear their heads.

But your working on it, in your own time.

[Not Much Left]

Thanks Ladies
I feel pretty selfish right now, about my posting, my life whatever. Called the home loan agent today after talking w/ Nomo this am. I need to take the next step. It is a big one, however, it needs to happen.

I have a thought to follow through on a note / email that my C suggested I writed. A different medium of communication. I may post it here if anyone is interested. I talked about writing this before but then decided against it. Nothing confrontational, just the facts about what I need to do so she understands without all the bitterness of Angry CVA trying to talk to her and Ws NON REACTION or I DONT KNOW which would send me over the edge.

I told Nomo this morning that I just dont understand / dont get it. "It" being "walls", "cant talk about it". Well F, your the one who raised your hand here and were bold enough the say Get Out. It is just such a copout not to say "I just dont know", "I cant talk about it".

Maybe people are really "wired" differently, but I dont think so different that such big decisions in life cant be talked about. Who is immature? Who is controlling?

Dont get me wrong, I get it that I dont control Her decisions, the fact that I am putting this much energy into this is mind boggling right now. The ONLY reason I am doing it is for the sliver of hope to save our family and spare our children a life that most certainly will be less secure and fulfilling and as a result damaging.

That's it. Made plans to go to dinner tomorrow and go Stalk, I mean talk to some hotties. Playing Golf Friday. Probably will go out Fri night to in order not to be here when SIL is here with her kids. It is too painful to be around my house while inlaws are here and everyone plays like it is all OK.

C

[Nomopo]

That's it. Made plans to go to dinner tomorrow and go Stalk, I mean talk to some hotties.

Awesome! Maybe I will see you out there. Where you headed??

[alk24]

GREAT idea. I hope you get moving on the house thing. You need some space of your own and if things do work out then you can use it as rental property or sell it. Have fun at the golf course! My H is a big golfer and was always trying to get me to go w him (before the bomb), so now one of my 180s is to hopefully get some clubs (PINK) and start attempting to play.

[Not Much Left]

Nomo, you are going out of town, did plans change?
Gonna do the sushi thing followed by the Wine Tasting Bar as suggested!

Golf is like drugs, "if I can just duplicate that one good shot per round...."

C

[Nomopo]

Out of town tomorrow. Double date tonight. Warming up at the tasting room.

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

I may post it here if anyone is interested.

Please do. I'll be interested to read it.

It is just such a copout not to say "I just dont know", "I cant talk about it".

I assume you meant it *is* a copout to say those things. I bet, though, that she's doesn't know and doesn't feel able to talk about it. I think the email is a good idea. It'll also give her a chance to gather her thoughts without pressure and respond.

Who is immature? Who is controlling?

Um, all of us? To an extent, anyway. Do you remember Hegel's master/slave? Who has the power? But the big question is, who has the strength (the internal as opposed to external power)? The master can't be a master without the slave, so who really has the control there?

Hee hee, pretty soon everyone's going to wonder how we got from "The Odyssey" to Hegel. This is going to be one well-read group.

the fact that I am putting this much energy into this is mind boggling right now. The ONLY reason I am doing it is for the sliver of hope to save our family and spare our children a life that most certainly will be less secure and fulfilling and as a result damaging.

Really? Is it all about the kids now? You're totally done with W, done with limbo, done with waiting to see which way she goes? If so, good for you, my friend. Or are you still mad? (48 hours.)

Made plans to go to dinner tomorrow and go Stalk, I mean talk to some hotties.

Hey CVA, when talking to a friend of mine today I told her a bit about your sitch, and she's interested! (Of course she's also married with four kids, so you'd be a houseful! )

Probably will go out Fri night to in order not to be here when SIL is here with her kids. It is too painful to be around my house while inlaws are here and everyone plays like it is all OK.

Ouch. Yeah, I get that. Good for you for getting out. The house movement sounds good, too. Are you going to send the email about that?

Take care.