We have really nice steakhouses here, for sure although I am not a big eater, small portiins is my secret. I am in Canada again today, full day of mtgs.
As usual, spent a lot of time thinking on the plane reading Homer. There were sections in there that could have been written about me and W. She clearly knows I am there for her and the kids thus I think the "why do I want to bw with this loser", syndrome. I need to address that little concept immediately. I am no doormat and know I will go on and thrive without her, she just needs to understand that.
C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Yes I do to talk to the kids but I think tonight I will not ask how her day was or anything.
C
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
OK, I now I am not the consensus voice here - but still think differently on the whole anniversary thing. While I agree CVA, that pulling back more will probably be a good thing for your sitch - maybe you can start that tomorrow?
I may be wrong, but I sense a bit of you not wanting to say or do anything today on your anniversary towards her out of a little spite maybe? Which no one would blame you for feeling - but I just think whatever you do throughout this process you should be the bigger person and be able to look back and have no regrets.
Regardless of where you guys are right now, the 2 of you still shared a life together, love, laughter, 4 children (who does that these days!) and all of that is symbolized by this day where the 2 of you joined together as H & W - and I still think that it deserves some type of acknowledgement or respect.
Don't give her the opportunity to tell all her friends tomorrow -"you know, that a-hole CVA didn't even comment on our anniversary yesterday" and all her friends to be like - "Geez, he is an a-hole" - cuz you know it would happen!
Again, not saying you need say or do anything elaborate - just acknowledgement...
Don't give her the opportunity to tell all her friends tomorrow -"you know, that a-hole CVA didn't even comment on our anniversary yesterday" and all her friends to be like - "Geez, he is an a-hole" - cuz you know it would happen!
savingus,
Could she really say that if she herself has done the same exact thing? It would be very hypocritical of her. I would think having a card and/or comment prepared just in case SHE mentioned it would be okay, but otherwise I would just let sleeping dogs lie.
Hope you're doing well, CVA -- stay focused and looking at what is in your best interest and what will bring you closer to your goals. Keep considering the letter or talk and how to approach it. I think this will be a good step for both you and your W. Don't drag your feet on it for too long -- that's my opinion.
I think she very well could say that because in her opinion ( I am not saying that she is all correct, remember she has been abducted by aliens) she feels that all the faults in the marriage are CVA's fault. CVA is in the doghouse. She has told CVA she is not sure if she wants to be married to him anymore and CVA then says that he wants to do everything possible to save his marriage and show her how much he loves her - and then he doesn't acknowledge the anniversary. Not saying it is right, but it definately can happen b/c I have seen it happen. Chicks are mean!
Okay, but I still believe that CVA's W knows he still cares about her and wants this M to work. Knowing this, her not getting a card, gift, comment, etc, might be something that will a) show CVA's becoming less inclined to work on the M if she isn't, and b) tell her that she may need to be doing some thinking about which side of the fence she wants to be on. I think this is good for the sitch. If they reconcile and she brings this up and says how it hurt her, then CVA can always address his reasons for not doing it and explain how it was not malicious. It is her problem if she is a hypocrit about it -- not CVA's. He must do what he thinks is best for him in the long run and not the immediate. She will reflect in due time and realize that she shared the blame too if she herself didn't acknowledge the anniversary.
