Hi just had a chat with son16, oh my goodness high principles, son 16 has standards and his dad just doesn't come anywhere near to sons standards - I've just been reminded of a few things and my goodness my H is not the man of the moment in sons eyes.
Just a little snippet - during the year B4 the bomb H failed to aknowledge any event, easter, mothers day, birthday, christmas. shortly after he dropped the INLY speech I asked him why he hadn't got me a present for the past 12 months, his answer was " IN this world, if you don't ask you don't get, you don't ask me for anything so you get nothing" I will remember those words for the rest of my days.
I do keep up with your threads! And Mickey, I do track your progress!
Angelica: My stepsons have beeen so disgusted with their dad for the longest time, and look down on his G/F (OW2). As you say, he brought them up within a very principled framework of behaviour and so they do expect him to live up to it, and feel very let down when he doesn't!
Blessings to all of you.
Jaybee xxx
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
My X also never wanted a divorce! and also said the kids are adults now and have their own lives to lead-(when do you stop being a parent?) well he was partly right because of his (and mine I hope) moral teachings they have chosen to have nothing to do with him or his OW -now wife.7 years on they are still leading their own lives and have done an amazing job and I am so proud of them. I admit to never understanding how this madness happened or how you just walkaway from one life and those in it and start a new one elsewhere. It is comforting to know that others do and say much the same. Even now many years on I still get the odd moment of what did I do to make this happen,deep down I know nothing I did could have prevented it. I think I told Barb on another thread that just recently he contacted me in regard to a friends death and also asked for one of his childrens address's as he would like to write??? I passed the request on but am not holding my breath. Good to see you post Jaybee I hope life is treating you kindly,your x seems to be as odd in his way as mine was-yours needing the contact mine doing a vanishing act. Oh well we all lived to tell the tale and make new lives for ourselves and our kids-in my case grown-ups.
yep, my H said all kinds if things like many of the people on this thread...
he takes very little responsibility for what has happened...blames me...maybe inside he knows it is his choices have put him where he is---maybe he cannot face that...I have no idea.
I wonder too if there is something I could have done to (1) stop this mess from happening, and/or (2) would it have happened no matter what? I tend to lean towards the there was nothing I could have done---this was probably always going to happen.
I wonder how my story will end and when it will end...I, luckily, have no children with my H therefore, if we should permanently part ways, then at least it WILL be permanent and I will have no need to contact him at all whatsoever.
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
I DON'T THING THERE IS ANYTHING WE COULD HAVE DONE TO STOP THIS MESS. MY H'S MOTHER DID THE SAME THING TO HER FAMILY AND DIED AT THE AGE OF 59 REGRETTING IT.
SO SAD
MY H IS A MACHO TYPE OF GUY AND I THINK THAT ATTRIBUTED TO ALL OF THIS. HE WAS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING NEW. HE ALWAYS WAS TRYING TO PROVE HIMSELF. HE SURE DID THAT. HE PROVED HE IS A JACKASS.
EVERYTHING HE USE TO BELIEVE IN SUCH AS INTEGRITY AND CHARACTER AND MORALS IS ALL GONE.
PEOPLE LAUGH AT HIM NOW. HE LOOKS SO SILLY DRIVING HIS JAGUAR CONVERTABLE WITH NO SHIRT ON AND HIS HAIR SPIKED UP. HE ALSO TREATS EVERYONE HORRIBLY AND ACTS SO ARROGANT.
PEOPLE FOR THE MOST PART DON'T LIKE HIM. EVERYONE USE TO LIKE HIM BEFORE BOMB.
I AM GOING TO THROW THIS OUT THERE. MY H ALWAYS PRIDED HIMSELF ON HIS SEXUAL ABILITY. AS HE GOT OLDER, HE DID NOT HAVE AS MUCH STAMINA AND STAYING POWER IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. I THINK INSTEAD OF JUST ACCEPTING THIS AS A FACT OF AGE, HE COULD NOT HANDLE IT.
I HOPE HE IS READING THIS (JUST KIDDING).
Me: 45 H: 43 Married: 19 years Dated 05 years Bomb: 11/06 OW - "I love her, but still want you as my friend"
Progress, what progress.....LOL. Right now it is almost a regression which is not a negative thing per se. I needed to find my way back to who I was at one time because of the destruction. Just where things are. I won't point fingers any more.
The anger is almost gone. It amazed me at the amount of anger that I had. But looking back over the years, I know why now. I am quietly attempting to take one day at a time. I am standing up for what I think and feel. I always did before but the r squelched that in the past. NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD.
I understand now, that this is why we did not get along. I stood strong and fought for things that I believed in. I will continue to do that. But now in a little more peaceful manner...like I did before.
Ai yi yi...my XH had that absence of responsibility thing when it came to the D big time...even well into the separation...he would forget himself and say how awful something was, and I'd suggest that it didn't have to be, and he would just sort of fade out of the conversation....
I think he has always been that way as far as responsibilities that he is going to shirk, or "assign" to me, but would like to pretend that he isn't. He has a certain strongly held image of himself (your high principles, jaybee), and whenever he was going to act in a way that contradicted the image, he would frame it as something he had no control over. Bleh. I didn't like it then and I still don't!
His other MLC common thread is the awful, awful childhood experience. And I have to still remind myself of that to have a chance at compassion.
I agree as well. I dont think I could have done anything to prevent this mess..I did try in the beginning, we did C and H only got worse.. I feel bad for h. He seems a mess to me and I dont know what others think of him..My friends dont say anything bad ,but what can someone think about this..Seems like a lot of people understand this midlife thing as most people have experienced wanting to leave there spouse at one time or another..But the difference is out H really left.. My H pays the bills and take the kids 4x a week..This is where his responsibility ends. and morals..I think they justify the affair and dating even though their still Married, they are seperated(moved out).My H has told a mutual friend Oh "we Split Up" sounds like it was a mutual choice peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
