I'm still doing it

[SallyM]

wow on the recording. no more, okay? it is going to backfire on you eventually. you have the evidence you need, any more won't do you any good. trust me, btdt.

she sounds really needy, btw, and definitely threatened. gee, that won't get old after a while, will it? seriously, what fun is that?

[LL44]

How are you doing??

[shell-shocked]

Hi nephartiti (pc nerd here)

There are a number of different software programs that could be installed to record your keystrokes (i.e. everything you have typed) for later viewing. Some of them will even send your keystrokes to a specified email address so the person who installed the software does not have to return to the pc to view the keystrokes. These programs are sometimes referred to as "key loggers". There are also key loggers that are not installed as software but rather attach between your keyboard cable and the pc. All the keystrokes are stored on the physical device for later viewing. The advantage of the latter type of key logger is that the person does not have to install any software. Most key loggers are designed to be "stealthy" so that the user does not know they are installed. They don't show up when you select Start -> Programs or when you viewed installed software by selecting "Start -> Control Panel -> Add or Remove Programs".

In the pc security world there is a saying that "if you let someone touch your computer, it is no longer your computer". This means that if someone has physical access to your computer they can install whatever software they want. Even of the pc is password protected a person with the right know how (and this know how is readily available on the Internet) can bypass this security and install software.

If I was in your situation and I was worried about some type of spy software installed I would backup all my data files and email files to CDROM and have the pc software rebuilt from the operating system up. Then I would not allow anyone I didn't trust to physically access the pc. Unfortunately this is an easy task for a pc nerd but an onerous task for a non pc nerd. Maybe you can have someone help you with it. Just make sure you have all your important files backed up on CDROM before starting because everything will be lost on the pc once you rebuild.

Secondly I would not allow the use of the web cam. Disconnect it and don't reinstall the software for it if you rebuild the pc. By the way web cams usually require supporting software so I guess your H did install something on the pc after all.

Hope this helps.

[LL44]

Checking on you today. Shell shocked gives good advice. I would totally make your PC unaccessible to your H. No need, he doesn't live there anymore.

[nephartiti]

Thanks Shell Shocked. I had a geek squad tech here today to check on things. He didn't find anything besides the usual cookies you get here and there. So I feel a tad bit better. The web cam is history (yes he installed software for that). I changed the log on password, but I guess that will just slow him down a bit if he really wants in.

Do you think the scan Geek Squad did is sufficient. Should I still rebuild?

I appreciate the insight. Really do. Thanks a bunch.

[SallyM]

wow, neph, good for you for getting the geek squad there.

I'll be honest and say H does hop on the computer from time to time when he is here, mostly for itunes stuff, but occasionally he surfs the web a bit. I can't even imagine him installing keystroke software and stuff, although I suppose he could. I figure if he really goes that far, well, he's welcome to what he might find, I guess. as much as I would prefer to keep things private and such, the reality is I'm not doing anything wrong so I'm not going to sweat it.

[nephartiti]

Hi Morgan.

For me, because the way the finance stuff has gone, I didn't want him accessing my accounts, etc. Also, I don't want him here. This is my private space. What would I do if I couldn't feel safe talking here? Otherwise, I don't have anything to hide either.

[LL44]

I'm with morgan. If H wants to be rude and invade my privacy, let him see how hard I am working to keep our family together, he can have at it.

BUT....it seems your H is 'conspiring' with OW, that would make me so uncomfortable. Now that you have started with a clean slate (Geek Squad), I would lock your computer so he can't access it at all.

How is everyone, you and the kiddos?

[nephartiti]

I took the kids apple picking yesterday. We had so much fun!

H's # was on the caller ID, but he didn't leave a msg. Hmmmm. Didn't expect to hear from him. Anyway, I sent him some pics of the kids picking apples and feeding the animals.

Here is my current stance.

1. I'm still basically dark. I'm not calling him.
2. He seems to genuinely appreciate pics of the kids, so I will shoot some his way from time to time.
3. When there is contact, I will continue to act "As If"
4. I will continue to work on being detached and not react to his actions.

I have been thinking about what the phone calls and his behavior tell me. Also, I think I am dealing with a competitive OW. She seems to thrive on getting under my skin. He was a few hours late without calling. I didn't react, but I think she questioned him on it. He says, "No, not really. Well, she just said she hadn't heard from me." (which isn't true either, btw.) That would be consistent with all the other inconsiderate things. They just like to push my buttons. Also, I'm beginning to think that one reason he spends the day at school is to "protect" her from his "crazy" wife. She acts so afraid of me. If I was going to do something to her, it would have been done a long time ago.

So, I am going to take away their fun. No matter what, I am not going to react. I will stay calm and detached. That is not to say I will not protect myself by, for example, securing my PC, but I will do it without comment. I'm not here for their amusement. Also, I have to demonstrate that I no longer care what they are doing.

[my3sons]

Simple, but somewhat extreme safety measure:

Turn it off and/or unplug it from the internet. Depending on the software, he doesn't have to come in to your house again to look at your hard drive.