have accepted that this is probably over, and that I might have to find other women to date. But, even though things are tense and harsh right now between W and I, I still love her so very, very much, and if she and i managed to reconcile, it'd be amazing.
You're not ready to date yet, MN, and doing so this early in the game would be quite harmful to any hope at reconciliation.
Also, I just wanted to add that be careful of what you say about W, the R/M, B and B's W, etc, to mutual friends of you and your W. Any negative things are things you don't want to get back to W or B/B's W can easily spread through the grapevine. I learned this the hardway early on, so please just be very concious of what you say to people who will at some point talk to W. For me, I just quit talking about W COMPLETELY when around those friends, and the only time I do talk about her is when THEY bring her up. However, even then I try to keep things short, simple, and non-judgemental.
Keep reading and re-reading DR so it continues to stick more and more. Like Puddle said, you'll get better and better at doing what is necessary.
he's an internet troll who loves to stir up trouble and waste the time and effort of others who are trying to better themselves through DBing. Sad, but true.
I know I'm not ready to date yet - and that doing so would undermine how I think I feel about marriage..that it's a commitment, until the divorce is final. I'm missing the being physcially close to someone (not sex, just having my arm around her, even).
I'm in a very confused place right now about what I want. My W's being somewhat callous about some things, but in ways she has the right to be as angry and hurt as she is, considering my actions.
I'm also wondering if I want to continue to be with her. Again, tonight at our friend's. She and B were continuing their usual behavior, which was bordering on, if not outright flirting.
Ex: W was sitting in a chair, and B decided her wanted to sit in a chair. So he sits on/uses my W as a chair...not for 5 minutes, but he sat on her for like 20 minutes plus. I can't help but think that they might have been TRYING to get a rise out of me.
Or, there is something going on there; or, they're just too dense to realize that their relationship isn't approrpriate. I really think it's the third one, because they've justified their actions to eachother.
With all the stress this is causing me, I'm confused. I still love her, a LOT. Seeing her makes me happy, still. But right now I'm not sure if I LIKE who she is/how she's acting.
As for the friends I was talking with - they've been burned by B and B's wife's way of acting in groups, so I felt OK venting over a couple beers.
I'd like to add that, I left early by choice from that night.
We didn't end up gaming, because folks' schedules didn't work for that. So we just "hung out". I realized that I was becoming a bit negative (W and I had a short, tense convo about the car in the presence of others), and had made a couple snarky/snide comments.
I realized that, with how W and B were acting, and my own thought process was affecting me, that it would be best if I were to leave. So I called home to see if my roommates would be willing to stay up a bit later to hang out (just for fun) and I politely said my goodbyes to my friends and W.
While I was very unhappy with the feelings I was having and the way things were going socially that night, I feel good about myself for being able to choose to leave, rather than stay and be negative.
Yes, there is something going on and this B's wife is obtuse if she doesn't see it, either that or they have some sort of three-way thing. He's married, and that's inappropriate, even if she doesn't feel married.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
This is how they've acted for some time, which is what really is confusing.
I mean, she sometimes acts like that w/ her old high school friends who've moved to the Twin Cities as well - but they've known eachother since they were in 8th grade. That's different.
My W just seems/seemed so trustworthy. Not just in fidelity, but as a human being. But her flirtatious behavior with B is unacceptable. Alas, there's no way I can say or do anything about it w/o totally screwing things up for this going civilly.
Yes, I think you did well to leave. Perhaps ideally you would've changed your PMA manually and stayed and had fun, but that's a lot to ask. These are your times to show W you're changing and moving on with your own life, right?
You know, Heim told me once to imagine the absolute worst-case scenario, to help move through the fear. Can you do that? I'm not sure it would help, but imagine W making out with B at the gaming night. Sorry, that might have been too much (and it's extremely unlikely to get to that!), but if you can be prepared perhaps you can program your reactions ahead of time. Maybe you can agree (with yourself at least) to discuss property distribution only when you're alone?
