Thought I read something in one of your posts about working things out with your WAW? If so, could you send me a link to your thread. Also mind taking a look at mine - Possible42 under "Divorced, But Not Done"
Thought I read something in one of your posts about working things out with your WAW? If so, could you send me a link to your thread. Also mind taking a look at mine - Possible42 under "Divorced, But Not Done"
Thanks,
Posssible42
Done. See your thread
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Okay! Friday = day off, which means it's a GAL day!
Friends are coming over a little later (one of them is going to forcibly cook and make me eat good food. I'm not complaining. ) so that's cool. They'll be here at 6pm or so.
In the meantime, I'm totally going to get out of the apartment. A quick work out at home or a bike ride, hitting a park, and maybe checking out some new clothes. Nothing big, but a new pair of cords would be a nice self-treat.
Then, I'm gonna write my essay for grad school.
Even the idea of getting my laundry in order is appealing. It's all washed/dried, but in two giant piles in the baskets.
The thing about my Tue, Wed, Thur, schedule that kills me is I can't make any progress on my life/day.
Awesome. Scratch the "work out at home", I just found the pile of guest passes to the gym that my wife and I were stockpiling (I quit my membership in July due to finances/not being able to use the gym for months due to surgery).
Just had a convo with W. I came home from the gym, and she was here picking up a few things (she tried to call me, but I had forgotten my cell phone at home).
After the "how're you?"/"OK" exchange, and a brief comment on the "Cats Fed? Yes/No" chart the roommate and I set-up, she said that she had been thinking about the next step in moving forward, and splitting up our stuff.
She said that people had told her the easiest way to do it was for each person to go in with a list of what they want, and if there were any overlapping items we could discuss/have someone mediate over them. The people, btw, were her mom specifically and then "a couple of others".
Her intention is to minimize legal and court fees over property.
I told her "OK. I'll think it over."
The only things I didn't just respond to noncomittally was when she mentioned looking into filing papers - what to file, etc.
I said (neutral/plainly polite tone): "Just so you know, I don't intend to share the filing costs, because quite frankly, this isn't something I want."
Her, after a pause: "Okay, I can respect that."
This was something of a 180, because I'm normally a chattier person, even when upset. She actually seemed a little unsure of what to say, or how to proceed when I just said "Ok" (in a "I acknowledge that you're speaking", tone not a "I agree" tone) rather than conversing with her.
When she left, she said "Ok, I guess that's about it. See you Sunday at work"
me,nodding: "See you Sunday."
She walked away some, then turned back and said "Bye" (I responded).
I'm not sure if this was the right course to take, but I felt somewhat confident in just giving her neutral acknowledgement, with the exception of the one statement. *sigh* She's trying to move forward so quickly on this, I want to try and slow the process up in some way.
I think you are doing a fine job, stalling. It appears that by your response she is taken aback, this is good. Keep working off these small positives. She is getting alot of "bad" advice, nice job rolling with the punches and 180.
It's hard to keep rolling with the punches though, y'know?
One of the biggest things that stings is that she's taken off her ring (off since 9/20). I know that means she thinks it's over. But the thing that keeps nagging at me is, does she think it means she's free to persue other guys (even if it's "just", flirting, kissing, it'd bother me alot)? Because we're done in her mind, it just has to be official?
I don't THINK she's that kind of person, but I also think that I could see her streching to justitify it, if she really wanted another guy. It's just on my mind 'cause she and some friends went to a low-key bar last night for a girl's night out. None of them are wild partiers, but I also don't know my wife's state of mind right now.
That kinda stuff won't help me, but it still hurts like mad to think about it. I do think that if she were jumping into the arms of another man right now, before our divorce was even final, I think I would just file myself.
heh. Which is why, "deep breaths, push away" is something I've been trying to do alot.
You sound just like me. My wife also is not wearing her ring. She told me about a month ago that she was going to give them back to me, now she doesn't know what she's going to do with them. I hope she doesn't pawn them off. I worked for three years in college to buy her the ring she wanted.
I'm like you in the way I don't think my wife is having a PA, maybe a EM but you're right about their state of mind right now.
There's nothing we can do about it so try not to worry.
Remember they are hurting too and I feel like they are wondering what we are doing also.
Me 27 W 26 M 4.5 years Together 7.5 years No Kids Seperated 8/14/07 D bomb 8/30/07
I haven't even asked her about why she stopped wearing it. I'm considering talking to her about her about it (asking why, mostly), but I don't know if that would seem like chasing/being desperate or what.
Mostly, I feel she should still wear it because she's still married in fact, if not in desire. She made a commitment to me, and until that divorce is finalized, I feel that we should both still wear our rings. Saying something like that would certainly backfire, though.
I also hope my W hasn't pawned the ring. We bought eachother our wedding bands, and they've got an inscription on the inside of the band, too. Hers reads "[my initials] to [her initials] 7-8-2006". So there's alot of sentiment there.
It's surprising just how much seeing that empty finger hurts, isn't it?
As for your sitch, I have no clue how I'd approach the getting the rings back angle. If you even wanted to. :\
) so that's cool. They'll be here at 6pm or so.