Plank removed from my eye, too late for WAW? 6

[Heimlich]

Seeing my girls hurt is killing me. If not for them, I'd feel well and truly detached. I don't know if my W has the caring, understanding, empathy, energy, emotional honesty and carnal desire that I need in a R. I think so, but I'm not 100% positive.

Puddle, I don't want to stay together for the girls, but, right now, while I do still love my W, I think it's worth trying FOR the girls.

All that other stuff was kindof jumbled and out of order.

Yeah, I know, stop. Hard to do when your six year old hides from you rather than leaping into your arms like she used to.

I kindof expected one or the other of them to act like that. Expectations have no bearing on the reality of having your heart lurch every time it happens though.

Anyway.

[chicki]

H,

I read something about you being in records management? What kind? I m in also but the medical type.

[Puddle]

((((Heim))))),

I can't imagine how hard it is with the girls. Of course you know it's not *you* she's hiding from, but that may not help one little bit. I'm so very sorry you're having to endure this, especially when it's not your choice.

But do you really know, deep down in your marrow, that laying any of that on W is not helping them, is in fact doing the opposite? Do you really believe it? If you do, then seeing them in pain will strengthen your resolve instead of melting it. If you don't, work on it. Since I haven't been there, I don't know how you can do that, but I'm going to need that advice myself soon, so help me out here.

Take care.

[Puddle]

Sorry, CVA, I meant your *spirit* is infiltrating the boards, through me. Hey, maybe I have my own pent-up libido? Of course you're still here, you CVA, all the time, in person.
/highjack

[Heimlich]

chicki, I edit a mag that covers ECM. Part of my coverage is records management issues. Fortunately, I just have to find people who know what they're talking about and much smarter than me rather than actually having to DO anything. Managing records is effing hard.

Puddle,
You're right. And OT is right. It's just harder than I imagined it would be. Kindof like dealing with everything else recently -- emotional spike, then back to a baseline. Trying to get back to baseline.

And, find that libido Either your WAH or a future man, will be very, very lucky. Not sure who would play you in the Lifetime movie (from your thread); I see you as the dark haired chick from sex in the city though. No reason why. (wasn't she also on Melrose Place?)

And, yes, Puddle, it's absolutely try, in this case, that lack of girth in a man is an absolutely GOOD thing. (CVA, bringing us all to the gutter, where I like to play )

BD

[Puddle]

Hey Heim!

Trying to get back to baseline.

Glad to hear it. How do you do that? (Again, I really want to know.)

And, find that libido Either your WAH or a future man, will be very, very lucky.

Oh yeah. That's one of my big goals. And I'll get there, and he'll be lucky!

Not sure who would play you in the Lifetime movie (from your thread); I see you as the dark haired chick from sex in the city though. No reason why. (wasn't she also on Melrose Place?)

Oh my. I hope you do go to the snowboarding thing. I don't see myself as her at all (in SATC, anyway). But I can't suggest an alternative.

And, yes, Puddle, it's absolutely try, in this case, that lack of girth in a man is an absolutely GOOD thing. (CVA, bringing us all to the gutter, where I like to play )

I don't get the "it's absolutely try" thing. Huh?

Take care, Heim.

[Heimlich]

it's absolutely try

That would be "true". Absolutely true,

TYping and watching MNF (in glorious HD) not conducive to proper spelling.

Baseline. Dunno. I just kindof turn my brain off and try not to think about it. Doesn't always work, but that's kindof the way I think about it (or not think about it, rather).

BD

[Heimlich]

Mini-note to self:

W actually asked me if I was OK last night (had been working since 6 and got stuck in traffic and didn't get back until 8 -- girls stayed with her last night, I brough their sleep stuff to them). I was just tired. First time since I moved out that she expressed any concern.

(I feel like CVA parsing his W's french fry comment from back in the summer).

BD

[savingus77]

Hi Heim,

I think it is great that your W is showing consideration towards you - but please make sure not to let that derail you from the detachment that you need. You need to fully accept that your R with her in any romantic or marital sense is over - at least for the short term.

[not an ex yet]

Hey Heim,
I understand how you feel about your girls. My kids refused to go to H apt this weekend and after he finally got them there to spend the night, S6 said he missed mommy and wanted to come home right away the next day. As much as I want to say, "see, they are hurting and it would be better if you would come home you selfish a$$!" I can't. No matter how much you think they don't and as much as they try to deny it, our S's do see the hurt in our children. You have to stop throwing it in her face! She doesn't want to see it and might be trying to ignore it for now, but believe me, at some point she will realize what she has done and the affect it has on your girls. Please, stop trying to guilt her. I can promise you it is definitely pushing her away. Of course you feel it is worth working on for your girls, you have said it, and said it again, and said it again...she knows! The more you say it the more she feels she has to deny it. What would you do if she said, "FINE, I will come back already but ONLY for the girls since you keep bringing it up." And then she came back with a ton of resentment towards you? Do you think that would benefit your girls?
You have got to let go of the OM questions also...you finally got an answer, so try to stop bringing it up. I know it is hard! Believe me, I have backslides all the time also.
Great job losing the weight. I wish I had your motivation...the scale is going the wrong way for me I'm sure that will not help my sitch at all! You seem to be a great guy, and you give people here so much support and great advice. She does seem to be softening just a little, but please don't take that tiny bit of hope and smother her with it.
Take care!