Thoughts of OW Drive me Crazy!!

[theotherhalf]

Friday I did a really bad thing. Maybe. I knew it at the time but couldn't stop myself. I left work early because H had asked me if I had to work today and it made me little suspisious. Thought I'd come home early see what was going on. I drove down main street before I left town. OH! The HO or OW car was sitting right there. I parked right away. I wanted to see her (havent seen her in over 15 years). I wanted to maybe confront her. (knew it was bad but needed to). I waited and waited. Finally I drove through once more before going home. I pulled right up to her car as she was backing up. I followed her right on her bumper a few blocks. Then realizing that I could get into trouble I yelled at her out my window "f***ing skank" and went on home.

Was it right? No. Did I feel better? Maybe a little. Will it change anything? No, not for the good anyway.

I am having such a hard time letting go of thoughts of this OW. you all say to look inside yourself and find out who you are. To maybe look back and see who you were before H and M. Well back in the day I would have kicked this B****'s A** in a heart beat. No ifs ands or butts. So to now do nothing, did nothing to her the first time, it kills me. I want her to pay for all the hurt she has brought to my world now and in the past.

Sometimes I even wonder if in a sick way H may want me to fight for him, like I would have done in the beginning of our R. I just can't get these thoughts out of my head.

And the fact that I have gotten no reaction whats so ever from H to what I did Friday really makes me wonder. Maybe he isn't seeing her anymore but I am pretty sure that she told him. My mind is totally boggeled by this.

Any thoughts?...

[Amy]

I am in the same situation. It is hard. I have no idea what to do. My husband is "torn between two women". My husband is not back home but I know to get us back to that point I have to let her go. I sometimes think I am holding onto her more than he is.

[mkultra]

If he has not said anything to you it may be because he does not know, does not care, or will just think you are crazy. This event just may make him comfort her to make her feel more protected from you, the Big Bad Wolf. In this way, you must outshine her, not fight her. A guy who wants to be fought over before people date is one thing. Fighting for someone who is married, no. Those folks have already cheated in their heart. Don't attack OP. It is not about them. I remind myself that if it had not been OP#1 it would be OP#2 or some other generic available OP. There are not important. They are just available.

[theotherhalf]

This event just may make him comfort her to make her feel more protected from you, the Big Bad Wolf.

Yes I know, and kind of knew that in the back of my mind but couldn't help myself.

It is so unfair that this woman has hurt so many peoples lives and goes on doing it and is okay with it. She was my H OW over 15 years ago for a 2 night stand, split up her own family, left her kids, split up another family over a year ago, and here she is back again, this time destroying my life and my family.

I have been doing a great job at letting her alone. I haven't made any contact with her in almost 2 months. That was hard to do but I was doing it. Then seeing her car drove me right back at it. Could not help myself. But now I think that I'll be okay. I can let her alone for good. Unless! Unless H files for D to be with her. Than I don't know what I will do.

It is really driving me nuts wondering if H knows and why no reaction. Although no reaction may be good, it still doesn't make any sense. Kind of scary. I would pretty much bet the bank that he knows. I almost would that she called him right afterward but the fact that he asked me in to BIL's that night is really confusing.

I guess as usual, time will tell...

[theotherhalf]

I really don't get it. It's like the OW has come out of hiding.

OW lives in one town, H lives in town 15 miles away, I live on farm right in the middle.

I work in the town that OW lives in. It's like for all these months she was in total hiding. I never, ever seen her. And trust me I looked. She just was never around anywhere. Hell I've worked in that town 4 years, left 4 years, now back working there for 2 and never saw her anywhere ever.

Now in the last week I've seen her twice. Last Thursday she was at the vet at 3:00 in afternoon right across the street from my work. We have a huge picture window that looks directly at the vet's. She knows where I work and at what times. I don't get it. And it took all I have not to run over there and not rip her f***ing head off. But I did nothing. I waited till she left then I went home.

Some say they wonder if he broke it off and now she is baiting me to do something stupid to make me look bad.

Don't care. I am trying to pretend she doesn't exsist. Trying to believe those that say he's not seeing her anymore. And when I was at H's Friday night his phone was out in the open all night and was on. No calls. I wanted to go look in it after he went to sleep to check his recent calls. But I didn't.

"Let go and let God" right.

[theotherhalf]

I guess should tell that Thursday when I got home H was here and was really pi**ed about something. I asked why and he would not say. I kept asking him if I had done something and he just said nothing that he was tired and grouchy.

Bull, I think that she told him and he was p**ssed as hell at me for chasing her down.

Oh,well if he would have told me I would have denied it so probably good he didn't tell me.

Now I will leave her alone. And next day he seemed to be over it so guess it's okay.

[theotherhalf]

One day I say "I can do this, let it go" then the next I am losing it again.

H was here tonight while I was gone. He was asking where I was and what time my app was. Now I am really having a hard time keeping myself from calling him or going into town to drive by his place.

I wonder if he was asking because he has plans with OW and he needed to know where I was at what times.

SO HARD!!!