Haven't posted in awhile. Taking a needed break. So, here it goes..............
Divorce will be final October 9th - I begin a basic construction class that same night.
IMP - I'm gonna actually take classes on how to do the things I've been doing
H is dating weirdo mom and it has come back to bite him even tho he won't look at it in reality
Her son is D8's class. He stood up in front of the class and told them that H and his mom are boyfriend and girlfriend and held up H's fireman's badge that he gave to the boy.
D8 had no idea. She was humiliated. She was soooooo sad. Teacher talked to me about it at the zoo field trip. Teacher told me I was doing amazingly well and that D8 is really a carefree and happy girl.
D8 than told me that this boy told her that H has spent the night at his house. I talked to H (calmly) about the school incident and he talked to D8....well, he lied to her.
H told D8 that he didn't spend the night. He was there talking to the mom and left for work at 6 PM and the boy had fallen asleep. When he got off at 6 AM, he went back to finish their convo. and the boy woke up. Just a misunderstanding, he said.
One of my boys said "Mom, that's just stupid. Why does he lie?"
So all kids went to his house Saturday night. He had "bimbo" over w/her older son. They played and ate and cooked smores
Kids were worried to tell me b/c they didn't want to hurt my feelings. I had a very honest conversation w/the boys. I told them that what H was doing was wrong and they said "Yes, it is". They said that he is not being a good example or dad right now. I agreed. I told them that it only hurts my feelings b/c I don't want them to see those choices and think they are ok. We talked for a few hours and it went well. I never said anything bad about H, but I did validate their angry feelings towards him. Told them that I was angry w/him too.
I also found out he is telling people or letting them believe that I am getting his whole paycheck from one of his jobs. So not true. He pays the mortgage and vehicle loans. I pay everything else and get nothing from him right now. I spent $150 on the boy's trumpets, $500 on school registration, $100 on clothes and on and on. He always has a medical bill that cancels out what he owes me for those things.
Once divorce is final, support will automatically come out of his checks. That is three weeks away. BUT,in our state, we have to take a class (court ordered) on how to handle children through divorce. If you don't take it, the divorce will not be finalized. I took mine in August and made sure he knew about it and gave him the paper to call and sign up. Last week I asked if he had...no. Yesterday I asked again....no. The last class available before finalization is this Wednesday and he still hasn't even called about it. I cannot do anything legally.
He is just pathetic. He is lost and broken. But, he is an ass too. I cannot turn my head on that one anylonger. I didn't want to believe he could do this to me. When he started including the kids, I faced more reality.
I am doing well. My D8 is going to a counselor this week. It's a long road, but I'm taking it one step at a time.
Thanks for your support.
Me-BS 38 X-WS 36 Separated 11/15/2006 Filed for D 8/1/2007 Divorce Final 12/21/2007 S13, S13 (twins), D9 Married 13 Yrs Together 20 Yrs
You know......this just sickens me inside. What or better yet, who the hell does he think he is?
It's one thing....you know, getting this divorce and us moving on, but to do that to your kids?? And why in the hell did that kid hold up his friggen badge......show n tell???? I am just going to pray that at the age of 8, they cannot fully understand the meanings of all this. The older ones I'm sure they get the whole ugliness.....God what a bastard! I'm sorry Bam, I don't usually like to call the spouse a name but in his case.....I cannot help it.
How in the world did you get your divorce to go so quickly??? Mine took exactly a year from date of filing.......eeesh. But for whatever it's worth....if divorce is a must, get it done quickly and not drag it out.
{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
I hope your stbx is sooooooooo happy now. Which of course he isn't, but he sure will try and convince you he is, too bad he's dragging the children into his pile of muck.
I wonder why they lie so much also. Whats the point right? The truth eventually reveals itself to us anyways. Or worse...to the inocent children. If your doing nothing wrong, no need to lie, and no need to teach the kids that it is acceptable to lie.
Enoy those classes!! Sounds like a fun evening to me!
{{{HUGS}}}
Jeanette
PS I wonder if you could call up and schedule that appt for him, then just tell him the time and date. He more than likely will not do it by his own li'l self.
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Hello, bam. Heard you called my name so I came in to see what was going on.
It's pretty cool that you are taking the construction class. Right now, I am taking a project management (PM) class. Going for another master's degree...maybe. What's interesting is that they had a different master's degree which would have helped me get certified in PM, but they added a new one. The new one interestingly has a concentration which I thought would be the way to go a few years back when I started taking IT classes. You never know what will happen in this life and the best thing to do is keep moving forward. You have done that. It pays off. You never know where life will take you so you just have to keep living it based on where you are today. Waiting isd for the birds.
Sorry to hear that you and your children have to put up with the nonsense. But if there is one thing I learned through all of my travails, it is that you can't do a d@mn thing about someone else. People chose their paths and they go with it, no matter how screwed up it may be.
Glad to hear you are doing well in spite of some of the difficulties. You show what a person can do, even in difficult times, when they put their mind to it.
Bam, I love you and I love your kids ! You are a great MOM !!! And a wonderful person !!! You have so much to offer someone, it's UNBELIEVABLE that your H is so selfabsorbed he can't see what he's letting go !!!!! He's missing his miracle !
They all are !
Like Jeanette says ....
Quote:
I hope your stbx is sooooooooo happy now.
well, as you know ....mine claims to be JUST that !!!
I cannot believe that hapiness lies in screwing a slut ! SORRY but that's exactly what I think !
Just goes to show how far off they are !!!!
Take care dear friend, You and I we're gonna make it !!!! And ONE day ....we will meet !!! xxxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Hi BamBam- I have missed you. Your stbx sounds like a real piece of work. As always, you seem to handle it all in stride and with grace and dignity. Especially at this point in time, you are far better than he deserves so keep your head held high. I know it shouldn't matter, but someday he will be kicking himself for being such an a$$.
You are taking a construction class? Are you trying to get your contractor's license? What is the class about? You sound like one very busy lady...you really are taking the GAL thing seriously!
I don't usually post to you but I do read your thread. I have to agree that your stbx is a real piece of work. I cannot believe he behaves this way with his children. And especially your D!!! To have the ow son in her class and he KNOWS it! OMG!!! I feel for her.
You have always handled yourself with the utmost dignity and respect. Bravo!!
Hi Bam- I just saw you posted to Cinder's thread. Thought I would come over here to say hi. We have missed you. Sorry to hear about your nephew's cancer. That is terrible. My 9 year old nephew just got diagnoised with muscular dystropy. It is so tragic especially when kids have to go through something like this. I will keep your nephew in my prayers.
I've been doing pretty well except I've just hit a bit of a bump in the road. This is a hell of a long journey...I am trying to keep my head up and keep plugging along...just wish the path wasn't quite so treacherous.
