just getting started here newly separated

[hillarylynn]

I'm new to this, and to the horrible state my marriage is in... 10 yr anniversary supposed to be coming in less than two weeks, but we're separated since 8/5/07 and there is OW, though she lives accross country... I can barely even write this it is still so shocking and raw. Amazing, though, what I've read... So much sounds just like my life.

I thought I had someone in it for the long haul, and ready to do the work together... D 4 yrs, S 16 yrs (mine that he has been raising, too), and now I don't even know where he plans on living. He's been staying down the street, but has been looking at aptartments, and i'm told it is none of my business... none of my business? Are you planning on taking my kids there???

I just need some support.
Thanks!
Hillary

[LL44]

Hi Hilary, so sorry about your situation but welcome. You will find support and comfort here.

I am so sorry about your H. Have you read DB or DR? If not, go buy them (or check them out) and read! You can't do anything right now, but what you can do is to: stop begging, pleading, pursuing, no crying, no relationship talk. Always be calm, even if you don't feel it inside! He is feeling cornered and smothered and those things (your reaction to things) will push him farther away.

If he does move out to an apartment, when things calm down a bit, suggest that you would like to help make a comfortable room for your kids there if he is planning on keeping them overnight. Tell him that you support him if he has to go, but that you of course want this marriage to work.

I am sure more seasoned posters can help more, but just wanted to say hi.

[theotherhalf]

Welcome to a place that hurts more than anything you'll ever go through. Welcome to a place that will really help you get through it all.

You can't do anything right now, but what you can do is to: stop begging, pleading, pursuing, no crying, no relationship talk. Always be calm, even if you don't feel it inside! He is feeling cornered and smothered and those things (your reaction to things) will push him farther away.

lwb's advice is the best anyone can give you. Many will tell you to take this time to work on YOU and what YOU want out of live. As that is good advice to it is not what your heart wants to hear. You will want to only hear what will help bring him back. But listen to them. They are right. Because there is NOTHING you can do to controll what he is doing or what he will do.

Take care of yourself and be strong. You will get through.

Time will tell...

[BryanS]

It sucks to see someone new in so far as people don't come here because their M's are great. I'm sorry for what you're going through, it is definitely not a good time.

You've gotten good advice so far, I don't have anything really to add. For the future, it would be beneficial to give some more details about your sitch and what precipitated it. No one will tell you what to do but they will be better able to sugget things to you if they understand a little better where you're coming from. God bless.