Lael, I feel are H's are telling us what's wrong, as their confusion continues they draw us picture that illustrates their needs, the only trouble is until they are ready to look at the picture there's no helping them out. I think if I asked my H to draw a picture illustrating his life as it is now, he would draw it in black and white, and to me it would illustrate a pretty miserable life, but he would see it as a vibrant, bright, picture.
Any tips out there on the DB board on how I can keep calm on the court hearing day, when I get nervous I am physically sick.
I will not of seen H for months yet I will have to sit with him and anyone else he chooses to bring with him. I don't know what to expect I don't know how I am going to react. Do I go dressed smart or do I wear my jeans which I feel comfortable in.
My eldest son wants to come with me to court, has anyone any advice for me, on how best to prepare for the day, I could do with a little input, thank you.
You've probably gone to court already. If you did, I hope it went well.
I wish I had some advice for you on staying calm. I know what you mean about getting physically sick. I also tend to ramble when I get upset, and court is no place to let it all out. I had a very good friend who went with me and told me that whenever I started to get nervous just to look her way, and she would calm me down. Fortunately I never had to face the judge, just my XH and his lawyer. I was afraid he would bring someone with him too, but he was alone. I'm guessing your H won't have the guts to bring anyone with him. They talk a good game, but they are really scared of anyone finding out exactly how they have been behaving.
My kids were both too young to even think about going with me, but if your son is mature enough, and it won't hurt him to be there, it might be good for you to have him with you. Otherwise, if you have a good friend see if they can go with you. It's a hard thing to face alone.
I would dress to the nines, it always boosts my confidence.
Had to submitt my financial disclosure to the court today in preparation for the court hearing which is a few weeks away.
Having never stepped foot in a court I didn't know what to expect, bit like airport check in, only no flight to a vacation.
what I did find interesting is, when you walk into the family court, there are plenty of different leaflets available, how mediation can help, how the process works, how to help your children cope with D.
I had a little laugh to myself, H has been in this place a few times, he obviously by passed all the leaflets mentioned above and went for the one printed " I want a Divorce".
I had to swear on the bible that everything in my statement was true, I didn't realise this, but it was not a problem, with a clear conscience I took the bible and swore the truth.
How on earth did H swear on the bible when he petitioned for D, he has lied before God, it got me to thinking that I really don't know who he is.
My H was a good man and now he isn't, and basically that is how it is, today has told me that his values are gone and for H to be able to act this way he must have lost his own self respect.
When i sit in court opposite him in a few weeks times, I will be looking at the shell of the man I loved, I say loved because I love the man that he was, not the man that he is now.
H has boken the vows he made for me, vows that he made before God, and now he has had God as his witness to his lies, I bit strong I know but this simply tells me this is not my H or the man who fathered my children.
Can anybody shed light onto what is happening here, I have a friend who up to two years ago was as close as a sister, but unfortunatly she chose to abuse this closeness and use me as an alibi to her affair, and when I refused to go along with her scheme she detached, we haven't spoken in over 2 years.
Her 1st A ended, I have just learnt that she is now having an A with her 1st love, a man who constantly hurt her by cheating and letting her down. why on earth she would want to attempt to rebuild a relationship with this man is beyond me, especially when it has been 20 years.
Today is one of those days where I wish I could run away, I'm not getting a break, work is 7 days a week in order to keep everything going & keep my head above water, just enough money to buy the most very basics, the legal fees are taking the majority of my income, I hope all this is worth it.
I'm building up to a crisis, I need to chill, I guess the positive point is I can recognise this, Just had a nice relaxing bath, glass of Bailey's with ice. Just got to print off some documents ready for tomorrow and then bed.
The pressure is on, the air is silent, the silence before the storm, I have a feeling the s**t is about to hit the fan, it is scary facing court, but I know I will get through it, my hairdresser is on standby so I atleast know my hair will be perfect on the day.
Any tips on staying calm welcome - can only drink a couple of bailey's before I feel sick, don't really like it, don't know how long it has been in the cupboard, might be why it makes me feel sick !! can't sit in the bath all the time, can't afford any retail therapy, so any other tips ????
jmw, I intend to get back to you later on, I am too indeed going through the court procedures so I do know how you feel and how it feels seeing xh after so long, thing is I am in a rust now but will get back to you, our stories are so similar and I am from the UK, just hold your head up and always remember you didn't start it all and you haven't done anything wrong, so let him be the one to hang his head with guilt etc, will be worth comparing our stories after the courts, I go back again on Monday. take care and hugs
this works for me and it cost nothing! Light a candle and place it so it's as near to your eye level as possible. Next just gaze/stare at it-focussing just on one part of the flame ie outer or inner bit. Gaze for as long as you can-your eyes may water the first time, but it is quite hard at first to do and requires all your concentration to keep focused therefore it empties yr mind of all the unwanted "stuff". Hope it helps best do it before the 2 Baileys tho (lol)
thanks, i'll give it a try, I used to love watching our flickering fire when we had a coal fire, I'll make sure I've not had a drink, I'd quite like to keep my eyelashes.
