I am ordering DR right now. I will seek out Dr. Ellen's tapes also. Unfortunately, there isn't much of relationship outside of the business right now since I don't live with her and she doesn't want to do go out. I do have opportunities to talk with her, and we end up having pleasant conversations about volunteering, her softball team, and her cats.
I like the idea about asking for advise. I will have to get creative and come up with ways to ask for advice; outside of work advice so as not to stir up the hornets. I need to show a more sensitive side of myself, a recuring complaint, so I need to think of things that show as such . . .
Lol are you my brother? Sorry, I know you are in pain right now but my brother is a real go getter who is building his new law firm but has put his R to his wife on the back burner temporarily. Watch out. DBers see all now in other people's Rs!!!
Avoid all R talk. "Where is this relationship, separation, divorce going?" Keep conversation light and positive, great idea about sports and cats. Always be positive and do not offer advice as it may seem controlling. Show respect to all people. Listen twice as much as you speak. Two ears, one mouth. Work out. Try yoga. It will help calm and center you while you get more flexible. Remember why you fell in love and got married in the first place. Show her you are the same fun person she married. You get to work together so you have a lot of positives to work with here!
You sound like you care about your employees so this is a great start. If you are Type A, become Type B. I am Type B which means I listen and observe and I am a follower, not a leader. I enjoy leisurely pace which may mean my house is not always picked up but I enjoy the company of others. try it. My bro can't do that. He is so TYPE A he has to orchastrate everything, even leisure!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Lol are you my brother? Sorry, I know you are in pain right now but my brother is a real go getter who is building his new law firm but has put his R to his wife on the back burner temporarily. Watch out. DBers see all now in other people's Rs!!!
Avoid all R talk. "Where is this relationship, separation, divorce going?" Keep conversation light and positive, great idea about sports and cats. Always be positive and do not offer advice as it may seem controlling. Show respect to all people. Listen twice as much as you speak. Two ears, one mouth. Work out. Try yoga. It will help calm and center you while you get more flexible. Remember why you fell in love and got married in the first place. Show her you are the same fun person she married. You get to work together so you have a lot of positives to work with here!
You sound like you care about your employees so this is a great start. If you are Type A, become Type B. I am Type B which means I listen and observe and I am a follower, not a leader. I enjoy leisurely pace which may mean my house is not always picked up but I enjoy the company of others. try it. My bro can't do that. He is so TYPE A he has to orchastrate everything, even leisure!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
mkulta gave you some good words of wisdom. You wife is harboring a lot of anger and resentment towards you right now. All is not lost, but you will have to do a lot of work, learn not to allow what she says to get to you (you can not control how she treats you, but you can control how you let it affect you, think Buddhist), find patience you never though possible. Get that DR book into your hands and read it. Light bulbs will start to go on in your head. Then start to apply what you learn from the book. For now, until you read the book.
1. Stop talking to her about the relationship (unless she brings it up and then only listen to her and validate what she is saying, you do not need to agree just validate).
2. Work on yourself, focus on you happiness (people like to be around happy people, not miserable people).
3. Do not vent to her, vent you frustrations here (your anger will only fuel her anger).
4. Be as nice and cordial with her as you can, be her friend (she will find it hard to fight with you if you are nice to her, she will try and she may even get irritated by it, but she will stop the anger rampage sooner).
5. Cease any behavior that has placed your R to where it is at today.
More questions. You have mentioned that she does not trust you. Why is that? What has happened for her to feel that way? Also, what are the behaviors she is saying that you have had in the past that have made her feel the way she does today?
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Yikes, hope I'm not yur Bro! Great advise; many, many thanks. I am beginning to see the advantages of working together, which was our downfall. If I 180 on this entire dynamic, and she recognizes it, that could be my in. It is difficult to not be the leader of the company though because someone has to lead it. She doesn't want to, and it is both of ours income.
I just got back from yoga and I also run nearly every day, so health-wise, all is well. Through our shared emails, she sees all that I am doing, so is it good for her to see me having a life? Or should I turn it off so she isn't peering at my every running group gathering?
