Get me on a smoother ride....need advice - part 3

[LL44]

Sara is brilliant.

Hope you are having a safe drive home. See you tonight.

[Yoyowife]

Sue,
You're doing great communicating with H. Have a safe trip home. I don't envy you with the 5 1/2 trip with a little one!

Hugs, Yoyo

[SueS]

Good morning-

Sara....thank you. I know I should have had the confrontation earlier, but I also know that I just wasn't ready for it. I don't think I could have handled myself in the same manner.

Yes, H has been okay the past few days. I had told H that I'd call him when we left on Friday. We were just pulling away from D3's school on our way out of town on Friday and H called us. He said....I just called to make sure you knew I forgot to pack D3 something to eat and to ask you if you'd stop and get her something to eat. Like I wouldn't know any better?? It was an odd conversation.

I'm a bit anxious to see how things go this week and how he is when we get back.

I know that they're likely still in contact, but I'm hoping so much that he's told her that I know about it, as I asked him to. I'm hoping that the two confrontations have kind of slapped him back into reality. I know I shouldn't have, but I did look at his phone Friday morning. All calls to/from OW had been erased......well, except for one that was very old. She was still in his contacts though. I just hope I didn't push this to be more secretive. I mean really, the phone bill will show me!

Well, my sister just pulled in. I need to spend some more time with her before I leave.

See you all later.

SueS

[SueS]

Yoyo........thanks to you too! It makes me feel more confident to hear you all tell me that I'm doing okay.

Have a good Sunday.

SueS

[SueS]

Hi there-

Well, we made it home safe & sound. D3 slept for 3 hours of the trip, so it was quiet.

H isn't home, but couldn't have been gone for long before we got home. I could actually still smell his cologne in the bathroom.

I did my common courtesy call to H during the trip. I was pretty vague about when we'd left or what time we'd be there. Actually I had to leave a vm. Did not get a call back. Probably shouldn't have, but called him when we got home. VM again. Still no call back.

I have this deep sickening feeling that he's with OW tonight. There was this little piece of paper on the kitchen table. It's like one of those pieces of paper that you'd pull a sticker off of. The sticker was a gold crown & the back of the paper says Hallmark on it. BLAHHHHHH! I haven't bought anything from there in a long time. Plus, H was very inquisitive about when we'd be home and about wanting us to stay until Monday. It just makes me sick. Kind of one of those big huge let downs. You have great conversation with your spouse and then you see that. Anyone else want to punch me in the stomach?? Might as well, I already feel sick!

I can almost guarantee that if he doesn't call us tonight, that he is with OW. VOMIT!!!

Well, not feeling much like talking tonight. Might as well spend some time with D3 to try to get my mind off things.

Have a good night.

SueS

[Kali]

Sue I am so sorry. Lets just hope that is not the case.

[SueS]

Thanks Kali-

I'm hoping it's not the case either. I'm just getting more and more angry about this whole thing. I think it was Trying that asked me if my H had seen anger from me the first time he had an A. I don't recall showing anger. I think I'm angry because he's doing this again.......which just proves to me that he's the weaker one because he's not strong enough to come to me when there are problems. I'm also angry that D3 is involved this time. That burns me beyond belief.

I can't believe that we were gone the whole weekend, drove 5 1/2 hrs (partly in rain) and H hasn't had the common decency to even call once today and check to see how D3 is doing or if we made it home okay. Not once! I'm angry because when we walked in tonight, she ran around looking for him and then started to cry because he wasn't here. I'm angry because she later came up to me and just laid in my arms and said....mommy, I'm hungry and I really just want my daddy here.

Just because I haven't called him with an emergency (not that he'd answer anyway) about D3 doesn't mean he shouldn't feel obligated to check on her. Damn I'm mad.

My mom once told me that although she knew that my H loved D3 very much, she still felt like D3 and I hold H back....that he can't do everything he truly wants because of us. I had an instant of hate in my heart for her saying that, but sometimes I feel like she's right. I think there's part of him that wants this type of life and part that just wants to let go.

I need to check on D3. Might be back.

SueS

[tryingtoholdon]

I am sorry you are having a bad night. ((((HUGS))) I don't think it is you being sensitive either. I think you have a right to be mad tonight. I think many of us would be hurt if their spouse wasn't home to greet them after a trip or even call. That to me just sounds like a very selfish person.

It is so hard sometimes when mothers expecially see something we don't want to see. I have gotten mad at my mom also. lol I think deep down they just want to help.

He didn't leave a note or anything tonight? Oh I forgot he is at the concert right??

[SueS]

Good morning-

H got home around midnight last night. I thought I heard him come home, but fell back asleep.

I did something this morning that I knew I shouldn't have done. I looked at H's phone. No calls in/out to anyone after late yesterday afternoon. However, OW's contact information is in there and he's added a new ring tone for her. BARF!! I seriously wanted to just delete the whole contact.

H was pretty snuggly this morning. He wasn't pushing for intimacy, but snuggling.

I heard H get up and move around and then go back to bed. I asked him why we weren't able to get in touch with him at all yesterday. He said he'd forgotten his phone in his car. I told him that we'd called a couple of times yesterday and that D3 was upset that he didn't call. I told him that I knew he wouldn't be home, but at the least I wished he'd called her. He apologized. I was angry this morning and still am, but I'm also trying to keep positive today. Hard to do, but I'm trying.

When I went back into the bedroom to get ready, I sat down on the bed. H rolled toward me awake and started rubbing my back. I think H noticed that I wasn't myself and maybe heard me crying in the bathroom. I know I should have just gotten up and gotten ready, but I didn't. I missed him. I laid down and he put his arm around me. He kept rubbing my arm & leg. I asked him what had him all wound up this morning. He asked me what kind of a question was that. I said....it's just that you're never awake at this time of the morning. He said...I missed you. I looked at him and he had a smirk on his face. I said.....don't say that again until you really mean it. We just laid there with him rubbing my arm and leg. I said....you know I have to get up and go to work. He said....yeah, this is just the teasing part. I asked if he intended to finish later. He smiled and said he would. I got up, got dressed, gave him a kiss & left.

D3 was still passed out when I left. Sleepy little girl!

I accepted H's affection this morning, but I'm still angry. I'm trying to find something positive to look for. Anything.

Why is H moving toward being more loving to me, yet uploading a new ring tone for OW. I want that affection, but I'd do anythng to get OW out of our lives. There's that little voice in my head that pops up from time to time and says......Just hang in there, be positive, make some changes and he'll come around. But then there's that voice that came out last night that's so damned angry that I can hardly stand it.

Need to get to work. Have a good day.

SueS

[Yoyowife]

Why is H moving toward being more loving to me, yet uploading a new ring tone for OW. I want that affection, but I'd do anythng to get OW out of our lives. There's that little voice in my head that pops up from time to time and says......Just hang in there, be positive, make some changes and he'll come around. But then there's that voice that came out last night that's so damned angry that I can hardly stand it.

SueS

Sue,
I know it all seems like a game right now and it is so hard. I think he is in the stage right now he is coming around to you, but he hasn't gotten her entirely out of his system.

Be the person he wants to be with. Show him that you are strong. That's the stage I'm at and it's difficult at times, but we have to show them what they are losing. Save your tears for when he's not around.

I know it's so hard to not be angry, but right now don't show it to him. You will just push him towards her. She will be the cheerful one that is happy to see him. Make yourself attractive physically and emotionally to him. Let the OW be the one that starts putting demands on him.

Hugs, Yoyo