Thanks yoyo, I totally agree, if only just *I* could be sick, or if I could remain healthy to take care of my sick babies.
ROOT, I just think she will eventually pick up, or OW's H will get tired of the ringing phone and contact my H. That won't be good.
Oh and I don't think OW is tired of the calls. I am sure this is a big ego boost for her, like she can still keep him crawling after her. It angers me.
About the bank account, oh geesh. I know I should probably do this, I know!!! I just don't want to take things 'farther' to drive us apart. We are both so far being trustworthy/responsible with cash.....ugh, I know..I know...
I guess you are probably right about OW not minding your husband crawling and begging. Although I'm kind of surprised OW's husband hasn't answered the phone and told your husband to quit calling and go get a life.
Starting your own separate account is not anything you need to discuss with your husband. Since you are going into separation and can not predict the future, you are entitled to do things for you that you don't need to share or discuss with him. In separating households it only makes sense to also do a little gradual financial separation as well. What this means is you can start filtering a savings for yourself to prepare for any unexpected expenses. Just keep enough in the joint account for your husband's basic needs. I have to warn you that if you do go into divorce there's a chance you may have to pay him child support and maybe even alimony. You need to look very closely at this, and document expenses (if you haven't already done so). A man in separation considering divorce would be doing this. Since you are the main breadwinner you cannot be a wimpy woman. You have to take control of these things.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I think things are going decently enough w/your H. If you want to, an acct won't hurt, but i would advise against active separation of finances at this point. Put a little in there at a time. Hopefully, you won't need it. Then you have x-mas funds!. However, if things do turn around, you are prepared. I think it is impirtant to demonstrate you have faith in your M. As soon as my H started to pull away, I finished by pushing him out, packing his thins, and taking him off accounts. I think I made trhings worse. He felt he couldn't trust me to give space and time. He responded by being more sneaky and covert with money and other things. Just decide if there is really just cause to make these changes before you do anything. I know he's calling OW but unless you catch wind they are in contact, you are just in holding, so just hold on. Limbo sucks, but not as much as ending up farther apart.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Hope you and your little ones are feeling better. I am sure it is very difficult to handle all of this, let alone having to take care of your children while you too are sick. I would have to agree with some of the posts. Get your H to take the kids of 1/2 day on the week-end so you can take a nap. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of the little ones.
As for the finances. Does he put his paycheck into your joint account? I would not separate finances or anything else yet. It is too early for that. I agree with nephartiti and think that it does push them away.
I know you don't want to hear this, but it will take time to get to where you want to be. Yes, it takes longer then we want. Limboland is not a nice place to visit, but it seems that we all go there.
Right now concentrate on getting well and give him some of the responsibility of the children. They are his children too.
Get well and take care of you. Broncitis can be a real bitch and keep you down for a long time if you don't take care of it.
Faith
H 48 W 57 M 15 yrs T 18 yrs No children EA 1/12/06 Moved out 3/10/07 & 8/16/07 Back on 5/18/07 2nd Thread
Familiar territory gives way to unfamiliar ground as the Winged Messenger leaves your sign. You may have been developing an idea over these past weeks, and although it still seems possible, your attitude is starting to shift. As you become more passionate about your life, you may need to set aside an unrealistic goal. If it's truly important, it will return when the time is right.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Something is changing at work, and it may take a while to sort out the mixed messages you are receiving before determining which path will make the most sense. Use the upcoming weekend to consider all your options. Talk to others about the potential problems you see in the near future. A little planning now, even if it makes you uncomfortable to wait, can prepare you for the intensity that's just around the corner.
I do not truley believe all of this but sometimes it is scary
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
