Oh, and while I'm posting, the W's birthday is Saturday. I plan to help the kids shop for her (they are still much to young to do it themselves) and will help the oldest, she's 7, bake a cake on Friday. She has invited me over on Saturday morning, we usually eat cake for breakfast when anyone has a birthday. She's having 6-7 people over Sat evening, which I'm not invited to, but didn't expect to be. Do I get her a gift and a card? I was thinking yes on the gift, something small like a book. The card stumps me, how nice of a card, just a friendly Happy Birthday card than anyone would get, or a more romantic card that I would normally get?
Just a few things here, as again, your sitch seems similar to mine. Regarding who files, I have always been of the opinion that is she wants it so bad then let her suffer the indignity of having to file, but more recently I am getting sick of the infidelity and general crazy behavior on her part.
I still believe that things could work in my case, and it would seem they could in yours as well. I have read here many times that it is best to follow your gut and file only if YOU want too. I am getting to that point, as it is becoming painfully clear to me that my WAW has, sadly, moved on and seems to have little care now about throwing away our relationship and that of our many friends and family.
Is your W seeing another man? Have you discussed a MC or Retrouvaille weekend?
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
Yes, she has an EA with a married man in another state, he's the VP in her group at work, how nice that he's there to help.
I guess that's my dilemma, when to suggest an MC. We had one a long time ago, but neither of us liked her and stopped going. At the time I thought things were getting better so I didn't look into getting an new MC, a big mistake in retrospect. A lesson learned there is that even if it seems like things are getting better, that's no time to relax, still need to keep working on all the right things as if the train is still in the ditch.
Now, I think an MC would be very helpful. She seems to have doubts about her decision, or at least she's not happy, a bit lonely, and has been reaching out more to me to let me know about what she's up to.
But, I think some of the progress has been due to my progress at GALing, and acting as if I am all good. If I start asking her to go to a MC, then I am back in pursuit mode, hard to tell when she might like to know that I am still interested, and when it will be perceived as pressure again.
I'm not familiar with Retrouvaille weekend, what is that?
I'm in weekly counseling, I see the need to make changes and am willing to roll up my sleeves and put the work in, as most on this site are, it's getter the WAS to jump in that seems to be the challenge.
Retrouvaille is an intense marriage encounter weekend for couples on the verge of divorce. I would highly recommend it. The weekend is mostly about how to properly communicate.
My W and I went and she really opened up. However, after that weekend she claimed that although I was her best friend she did not have that feeling of love for me.
It is sponsered by the catholic church, but I would say roughly 50% of the couples in our weekend (or 1/2 of the 35 couples in total) were not catholic and there is no push of religion at all. They claim to have a 70-80% success rate of saving marriages. My W thought it would be good if couples actually attended before they got married.
As far as MC, as suggested by others, perhaps go by yourself first and the next time she brings up divorce, suggest again going to MC. Just a thought, but in my opinion if there are EA's and/or PA's it becomes more difficult.
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
My pleasure. Let us know if she is receptive to the idea of Retrouvaille or MC.
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
