Been thinking 'bout you, my man. Smell the burning of brain cells?
Okay. I think I see where you and I got off track. I was being theoretical using real life situation... and you were just being literal.... and probably feeling attacked by me in the process.
So. If you don't mind... I'd like to try again. Understand that I am coming at this from a philosophical/theoretical sense. I may make statements that sound absolute. Please understand... I am talking out loud... and if you find anything I say to be inaccurate, just tell me.
So. When I asked you why you didn't discuss your day with Mrs. Cac... you gave me the whole example of what happened that day, yes? Now... what **I** heard you saying was... I don't like to bring my negativity home. Good. And then I asked in my Corri brain... why did he see/feel his day in a negative light? I asked you to further clarify, and you told me what happened...
However... in TELLING the story, YOU put it in a negative context, because the frustration you seemed to be feeling was all based on the fact that you are NOT a programmer... and if you WERE... there would be no dam problem. (yes? no?) END THOUGHT.
So I'm thinking... well... you aren't a programmer, so why tell the story in the context of "I'm NOT a programmer? That's a negative. Everything you say after that will be negative (i.e., The program WON'T work and I CAN'T fix it. I WON'T feel better until those crappy software writers do their job... the RIGHT WAY!)
That's a truth, but a negative truth.
If you said... "I'm a network engineer. I ran into a problem today that I'm having trouble solving... I think I have pinpointed the problem, and I have asked for help. I feel frustrated that I have to wait, because I have work to do."
See the difference?
So when I brought up the whole pilot thing... and this is just a guess on my part...
I think if I said to Cac, who are you? I think, at the very core, you would say to me... "I am a pilot. But I am a pilot that CAN'T fly.
And because you hold THAT in your heart... everything that comes after that sentence, no matter what you say, think, feel, or do... is going to have a negative truth in front of it. It will color your entire existence that way.
So. When I asked you why you didn't discuss your day with Mrs. Cac... you gave me the whole example of what happened that day, yes? Now... what **I** heard you saying was... I don't like to bring my negativity home. nope. I was merely trying to give an example of some technical obscurity, and how it is difficult to have a discussion with someone that has no basis for understanding that obscurity.
I used to run into this with my cousin, the pH.D-candidate chemist. I'd try to get him to explain to me what he was doing, and he just couldn't. I have no basis for understanding. I'd have to go get a bachelor's degree in chemistry before I could even begin to understand. So, I had to settle for: me: how's school going? him: um...good! And then we'd talk about his latest coltrane CD...something we both understand. its got nothing to do w/ the married relationship, or even a he/she thing. ahh...but in THIS group {it figures}, there IS some understanding of the example I gave, and we got off on a tangent about "fixing the code"..."why is the code doing that? you're telling the code the wrong thing. fix the code". and I say, "I am not a programmer". That's not "being" negative, a-la "the glass is half empty". that's speaking in a negative tense, but its not "being negative". Its using 5 words to describe a situation, instead of the 5000 or more that would be needed to describe all the things that you ARE, but don't include the skillset neccessary for this particular problem, and let the listener do the math. This is "Strunk and White", not "Stuart Smalley". Reminds me of the tv commercial where the surgeon is on the phone, talking to this poor guy who is sitting at his kitchen table, holding a butter knife, with a confused/horrified look on his face, while the surgeon describes how the guy should go about cutting out his own appendix. The guy says, "um...shouldn't you be doing this, doc?". I don't believe that sentiment is indicative of a bad attitude.
I think if I said to Cac, who are you? I think, at the very core, you would say to me... "I am a pilot. But I am a pilot that CAN'T fly.
And because you hold THAT in your heart... everything that comes after that sentence, no matter what you say, think, feel, or do... is going to have a negative truth in front of it. It will color your entire existence that way.
well, that may be. I do feel like an imposter at times...I've even used that exact term, but not because of what it said in that article.
THANK YOU for explaining. THANK YOU for being willing to go there with me, so **I** can understand. THANK YOU. Don't disagree with anything you said. I JUST want to be on the same page. I feel like I am there. Thanks. Woman Muttering In Her Private Brain: (Fer chrissakes, that was painful. Jesus H. Christ, Josepsh and ALL the saints... muttering, muttering, muttering... not at you... just, jesus, what a pain in the ass... to go through all that... but good... necessary...)
Quote:
well, that may be. I do feel like an imposter at times...I've even used that exact term, but not because of what it said in that article.
Fck the article.
"That may be...." is what I am interested in exploring. Can you, do you... have an interest in exploring it. If not, cool. If so... I am oh so willing to HELP. Seriously. Really. And... quite honestly... I will help... until you feel you can or will let Mrs. Cac do the honors.
Let us set aside for now... what you are or are not. What you want to be or what you can't be. Still operating in the theoretical mode. With me? Let's start here.
Answer for me this... and let it go, don't hold back.
Imagine yourself as a pilot. Flying. What do you feel? What does that give to you that nothing else can?
Imagine yourself as a pilot. Flying. What do you feel? What does that give to you that nothing else can?
its actually very hard to describe with words. I don't know if I've seen anyone actually describe it, and lots and lots have tried. much better writers than me! I think thats why, in aviation circles, its simply referred to as "the bug". People who have it, know what it is. People who don't...I don't know if they could ever understand. maybe GGB would know what I'm talking about.
Not too long ago, you mentioned the exercise of "if you had a day or an afternoon all to yourself, what would you do?". I don't think I participated on that thread, but I thought to myself, "thats easy. I'd go flying".
Well... the way it has been described to me is... it is like touching the face of God. And living to tell the tale. ETA: Except... there is nothing in the spoken or written language that can express it.
Close?
So... can you fly at all... on a commercial airline... or can you just not pilot a plane?
For me it is a lot of things. For one, it is a simultaneous mastery of several disciplines. When I fly, it is all about the flying, all the other clutter in my mind is set aside, and that is well, refreshing and cleansing. Then there is the beauty, you see things from a perspective that few others see things. How many people out there can skim across the tops of clouds that are just a few feet away, how many have seen the 'glory' on the clouds right below them (a circular rainbow that circles your shadow on the clouds). There is also the risk and the skill required to minimize the risk, which leaves you with a good feeling when you are successful, and gets a lot of adrenaline pumping when you are not so successful. There's also the freedom (at least here in the US for now) to go more or less where you please how you please. There's nothing else quite like it.
MrsGGB calls it "the disease", with one of the most recognizable symptoms being a propensity to drop what you are doing and look up in the sky when the unmistakable sound of an airplane engine is overhead.
yeah, everything GGB said. ('cept, I thought i'd get yelled at if I didn't say more about 'feelings' in there. ;)). I was going to say "peace" ...but that isn't really quite right. even on a casual joy-ride on a calm, clear day, you're always subconsciously "on your toes", never truly relaxed until its over. Then I have the overwhelming urge to light up a butt, and take a nap. (hmm...whats that sound like?) but anyway, yeah, there's this "zen-like" groove that you get into, when everything is right. Now, don't get me wrong--I don't want to sound like I have this overly-romantic image built up in my head. I've spent enough time in the cockpit to know that it ain't all peaches 'n cream, and there have been plenty of times when I've wanted nothing more than to get my a$$ back on the ground. but mostly...not.
and speaking of touching the face of God....(if you're into that sort of thing...)
Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew. And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untresspassed sanctity of space, Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
Seriously. Really. And... quite honestly... I will help... until you feel you can or will let Mrs. Cac do the honors.