Phoenix Rising? Maybe.

[Disillussioned]

Polk,
When it is phrased as an obligation it does sound pretty unappealing, but take a look again at her primary LL. Wouldn't this fit into the Personal Service category?

[cpolk]

Just a bit more from last night and this morning...

You know I feel like an a$$ tonight. I totally misjudged my W 'pissed offedness' and distance and shortness as something that had to do with me. Her Grandmother and I knew this, is really struggling healthwise. She's depressed this weekend specifically. Preferres to deal with in on her own. I want to help her deal so much that it clouds my judgement.

In the past I'd have been like whatever you'll pull through. Over the past 4 months (since my return) I've discovered the true scope of my stupidity in my old R. While trying to pull my head out of my a$$ and make this new one work (a challenge) I find that all these new feelings that make it happen are overwhelming at times.

From a guys perspective and it sounds gay to say, these feelings are what is going to make this new R work. But I must learn to use them for good. Its almost like I'm learning to see or to hear for the first time; I just don't know how to handle it.

We got a little heated last night but got things back under control before we layed down.

This morning I feel like a complete jackass. But, to my relief somewhat as I gently woke her to tell her bye for the day (she's so pretty when she sleeps) she said that we just had a misunderstanding and that its ok.

So maybe it is.

I'll press on. Back on the Solution Wagon.

She told me last night that I'm not on probation, she doesn't need any more or less space than she has, and that she's making an honest effort. I know that her Grandmothers health concerns her greatly. She likes her job but doesn't like where she works; cosmetologist politics. Then there's our R; if I had to guess I'd say its 3rd on the list of what bothers her. I think the other two inhibit/delay some progress. But she says she's having some success in dealing with feelings from our past with her IC.

Ok I feel better now. Just curious to see what yall think...

[cpolk]

Dis,
Not sure on that one. Sex between my W and I had been something of a issue over the past recent years. As we became more distant the quality lessend as she became less interested emotionally.

A couple of months ago as we were talking it came out that essentially she had been simply servicing me. Hadn't O'd in some time. I was floored and felt like total sh!t when she said that. I simply had no idea.

Thus the root of why I feel the way I do about this.

I love her and I want her and telling her that I wanted to wait was very hard to do. We have both lost some weight while stressing over the whole R thing. She's flat out HOT again; and its hard to wait on passion.

[Concerned_Listener]

CPolk,
It sounds like you're still in the game. You sound like you've learned some R skills, and are in a different place than before. Keep it up. Keep working at it.

I know what you mean about the difficulty of not personalizing your W's moods. It's not always about us, but we can't tell at the time.

CL

[cpolk]

C-L,
Yes I believe you're correct. She like I seem more settled than last evening. I'm going to try and propose to her a more open line of communication so flare ups like last evening don't get a chance to bubble like it did.

This is certainly the hardest; and I pray daily the most rewarding thing I may ever do in my life.

I put a banner on my wallpaper of the phone today "B True 2 Her_Keep Focus"; I hope to see those words and they'll give me strenth and focus to persevere.