Quick update and cleansing of the soul

[On The Way back]

Last wednesday I shifted my energy and basically took most of the 180 theory as well as taking care of myself. My wife is still confused and emotional with all her so called love and feeling for the OM. I let her be and exercise, write and just try to feel good about myself. I actually am, which probably helps a lot as well.

On friday OM sent an email that perhaps we should meet in person. I know him and we belong to the same athletic club so it made some sense. I honestly had no idea what to expect but I prepared by staying positive and strong.

He was terrified, and nervous. I believe he was as sorry as he said and also the fact that he said he regrets ever taking a friendship and turning it into a romance, I believed that as well. I had a few scripted words that I said and then we just kind of sat there.

He misses our dogs, which he will not see, the dinners all 4 of us had together, the whole real life that exsisted. It was hitting home and it was hitting home with my W as well. I think that for us, this odd meeting brought a lot of reality and some closure to the actual sexual affair.

Their feelings might still linger, but the dimmer switch is slowly turning.

Then in the car on our way home, the first song, literally the first song, was our wedding song.

I just sat silently and drove.

Not out of the woods by any stretch, but surely we are on a positive swing, and I am letting my wife be and sort herself out.

That be all, and thanks for listening.

[theoden]

Henrik,

One word: Beautiful

--Theoden

[On The Way back]

Somewhere I read that a compliment can feed you or keep you going for 2 months, that beautiful comment hits home where it makes me all warm and fuzzy.

Thanks Theoden, and have splendid afternoon.

Remarkable how emotional and caring one can become after being stripped naked figuratively ofcourse. I will continue to do good things to people around me and I know that we will all be better off in the end. I even wrote my first ad copy to my new exercise book, and that one sounds good as well.

I will make you feel better about yourself, both physically and mentally, in literally just minutes a day. I will take you by the hand and show you that we can all make lifestyle adjustments and tweaks that will eventually lead us to where we all want to be, happy, strong and fit, both our bodies and our minds.

A new way to look at exercise, weight loss and general overall well being.

There must be a reason you are looking at this now, and it is because whatever you have tried or has happened in the past has not worked.

You would like to lose a few pounds or perhaps more than a few.

You want feel stronger, achieve a physical goal.

You want to look better and as a result feel better.

You want to play with your children or your grand children.

The reasons can go on and on, but just as one of favourite sayings or signs, what it takes is action today to get moving, to as they say, get your … off the couch and do something. For some of us, that is easy, others will need us to flip the couch over before they see the light.

In the end though it has to be your decision. You are in charge of your body, you brush your teetn every day, bathe, eat and drink. Why then would you not also want to move and make sure that you also take care of your body and your mind. It seems simple, and let me tell you it is. I will show you how simple, and I will show you the steps, but most importantly, I will teach you how you can take charge of your own destiny.

This will not only help you, but it will empower you in ways you might not even understand and feed your mind and body to achieve new things every day.

There was a sign at a club house of an athletic club I used to belong to,

“ Free Beer Tomorrow”

It was obviously tempting for the beer lover in us, but more importantly the lesson was to do something today, since the free beer tomorrow would live on in perpertuity. It has helped me in numerous ways when I, as so many of us, would like to put something off until tomorrow, or a week, a month or a year from now. If you want free beer tomorrow, you have to earn it today.

Taking care of our physical shape and our bodies is directly connected and tied into taking care of our mental state and our happiness. If we can combine the 2, we can reach a new level of wellbeing and comfort.

I started out as most all of did with my assorted gadgets, weights and beliefs in isolating certain muscles, taking days off, turning exercise into a task or something that had to be done, rather than accepting movement as part of life and that exercise can be a joy and daily pick me up instead of part of the to do list.

There is always a little time, and I will teach you ways of turning standing in line into a more effective way of working your abs than 100 sit ups. Walking the dog, or just walking can work your abs, arms, and chest, as well as clearing your mind with deep breathing and happy positive imagery.

As is the case with anything else, we are all by nature impatient and we want results fast. The extra pounds you might want to lose did not appear over night, a weak muscle did not get weak in a day so it is important to set realistic goals and accept that movement is a part of life, for the rest of our lives. We will not stop moving when the pounds are gone, and we will stop when the muscle is strong. I will guide you and allow your mind to enjoy the process and to make it as enjoyable as any other activity we do in life.
We can look at as when we were young children, we would wake up in the morning, look out the window and could not eat our breakfast enough in our anticipation of the day ahead, a day which would full of movement. Not isolating certain muscles, or doing a set amount of time on an exercise machine, but just movement for the simple enjoyment of doing things and having fun.

I can show you how to bring back the inner child and move with passion and joy.

Is there a reason why this program or guide is different than say joining a gym, or hiring a personal trainer or buying any of the thousands of other programs and guides on the market. The basic exercises are probably the same in most instances, but it is the mind set and finding ways of exercising not just our bodies and muscles, but also our mind.

- No equipment required

- No Gym membership

- No pills, or special diets

- No outfits, shoes or other things to buy

- Animals never spot train, take days off, or stop moving. It is also interesting to see how few animals have physical injuries and when they do, they recover faster than anyone can believe. My dog can come home limping or not even putting any pressure on one paw and a few hours later can be running as if nothing happened. It is quite remarkable.


What is needed then

- A mind that wants to get better

- A body that can walk a few steps, and I will guide you to allow you take the next steps and keep moving for the rest of your life

- A belief that there is no “Free Beer Tomorrow”

Come and join us now for a journey to make the rest of our lives better and more enjoyable,

You have nothing to loose and I offer a full money back guarantee if you are not totally satisfied.

In case you are still wondering, in case you carry some extra baggage in terms of past times when you have tried to make some changes and made an attempt to start moving. You have started with gusto, celery sticks in the fridge, a battery of water bottles, head phones with fresh batteries, everything was there, yet now you are here and thinking about doing it all over again.

This is the secret, the other attempts or gyms, or personal trainers focus on the task of exercise. The goal can be to lose some weight, and once the weight is lost, the belief is that the task is done. Sadly, in most instances we don’t even make it to that stage before we fall off the wagon.

What we need is a slight adjustment in our thinking to look at movement in a new way.

I was going through a hard personal crisis, and initially I fed of the energy of the crisis with all its negative connotations. I realized that it was getting me nowhere, I was actually spinning deeper into a hole. As a wise man once said.

“If you are in a hole, stop digging”

I literally changed my thinking in a day, and decided on a few effective triggers to keep my positives active and dominant. It not only improved my situation, it also made me a better person.

I will teach you many little ways of becoming a better person, which also will help you keep moving, it is all connected, the happy mind is full of energy so by definition will find movement much easier.

Little triggers and little reminders, just like a friend who is looking after you, I will give you the little nudge and encouragement so that you can take charge, feel in charge and move on.

[BeingMe]

I have not been on any of your threads before, but I think things are going well for you. The 180's and GAL track was such an eyeopener for me in my sitch. I still use these same methods in other areas of my life. It still amazes me how the WAS's think that the grass can be greener on the other side, and once the blush of early lust and romance wears off, they see that, in fact, the grass on the other side is full of weeds.

BTW, are you a personal fitness trainer, Henrik? I am trying to study toward a certificate in that field ... more for myself, then as a career, at this point. I want to do a life skills coach course next year too.

Take care.

[On The Way back]

Good Morning,

It was another good night I believe, funny story is that soon after the discovery, when I was in shambles and blaming everything about myself, I also ordered some herbal viagra pills. So last night as I am doing Soduko the phone rings and my W answers, It is the herbal company looking for feedback, we actually chuckled and she said not to try out it tonight. Life's small victories.

I am not a certified personal trainer, but I am a logical moving man, and I think and wonder why it is so hard for others to do it. I guess the real wake up call was this affair in a way. It is quite similar that we wake up only when the hammer smacks us, much as we probably wake up to our inactivity when the emergency room has us in it.

Life lessons both of them in a way and if we make ourselves better, it will be a ripple effect way and far beyond of our marriages.

We are heading to couples therapy tonight, and having been the "target" of much of it in the past, tonight I am going in saying things are pretty good, I think we can move on to some happier tasks and also I think for my wife to realize that she has a pile of stuff and demons, much of it which she initially blamed on me or our marriage and the more I see through the fog, the more I see that it is really her running away from herself. It is time to come back home, not that I am rushing, I am patiently waiting. She actually said yesterday that the affair can never be forgotten and that she will have to live with the fact that she was unfaithful. It was the first time she expressed openly this fact or anything close to it. I think her denial and such has been ruling and also the fact that she sees the light and the fact that the affair was not right, and it really had very little to do with me and if I had a beer when I came home instead of the vacuum. Not that I am saying, see I told you so in any way. I actually feel quite sorry for her and wish I could do something to help, so if there are any thoughts or ideas, just let me know. Perhaps I should continue to give her the space as I go about my own journey.

On that note, since I have been known to be a little impatient, I actually went to excel and did a timeline spreadsheet ot my life, my life with my wife, my married life, roughly the affair, and then the post affair time. In addition I added the expected life expectancy based on a Portugese fortune teller some 10 years ago. This really shows why and how easy it is to slow down a little and a day or a week does not appear to be that big a deal in the really big picture.

I am rambling on, mostly because I have not written in my notebook or journal since sunday so you get my musings instead.

I will keep you posted on how we, my wife and I do as we embark on what I call my new life. If I feel the urge I will write some more, but this is it for now,

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.”
—Sir John Lubbock

[Hope_11]

Henrik,
I just wanted to stop by. I saw in someone else's thread that you mentioned infertility problems. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart that you not only had to deal with the frustrations of infertility but also an affair. XH and I faced infertility problems for close to 3 years before he started his A.

[NoCodeBlues]

Hope, Henrik,

Going through fertility treatments is indeed far more traumatic to the health of the marriage than people realize. W and I went through treatments for both S's (she has a pinched fallopian tube on one side -- and her ovary on the other side doesn't/didn't fire so well.) The odds of us conceiving the first time was a bit of a long shot, let alone a second time. Not only did our finances get clobbered in the process, but so did our morale and our patience with each other.

Hindsight is 20-20, but I would strongly urge any couple going through such treatment to seek MC, even they believe everything else is okay.

[On The Way back]

Not just councelling, setting a plan for lovemaking, sex and as I discovered something to deal with the coming of a period. That is a huge thing, or was for us.

Also, lovemaking or sex became a clinical task and later just a petrie dish or test tube in a way. Huge strain, and even if the affair cannot be blamed on the struggles as you say it impacts greatly and probably as is the case with having children so is the struggle to conceive for years on upon years a relationship changing experience.

I know I was not perfect and sometimes cynical when I saw all the procedures and percentages, I had a dream that my father said it will happen the natural way, and I shared that with my wife who said that I don't believe in any of the clinical stuff. Lots went on, and if anyone reads this, at least let your friends know that it is beyond traumatic and better to be pro active than part of this discussion forum if you know what I mean,

Lunchtime,

Henrik

[NoCodeBlues]

Henrik,

I know just what you mean -- W could not understand how degrading it was to be treated like a circus animal expected to perform a regular show against a very tight schedule. The spontaneity and passion get drained from the experience over time. What should be a glorious soul-binding physical act of intense passion gets diffused into a perfunctory mechanical task with little heart left in it. A "duty" and nothing more. It just doesn't elicit the same level of ardor when your spouse is busy looking at her watch most of the time. Maybe I'm odd for a male of our species, but I don't want to just get my rocks off when I ML with my W -- I want the heat, the fireworks, the soul-melding, the whole package.

Trying to conceive S2 through fertility treatments, in particular, was just so discouraging. God had the last laugh on us however. For all the stress it caused us in our marriage, those treatments never even worked -- only months later, after we had all but given up hope of being blessed with a sibling for our firstborn, when we were resigned to being parents of an only child, did we really relax and He blessed us with our second child.

(I thought that with the birth of S2 that, finally, we were now past the rough spot in our marriage, but I was so very wrong.)

The good news though is that the struggle to have our children and the worry that it would never happen, has made me truly appreciate them for the miracles they are. It also is a great source of pain to realize that the possible dissolution of my marriage, contributed to in no small measure by these early difficulties, now threatens the very family we have worked and prayed so hard for.

[Hope_11]

I completely understand. However, XH and I were never blessed with children. In hindsight, I believe there was a reason. I blame the breakdown of our marriage on our infertility problems. XH did not deal with it and in return he turned to an affair and then actually got OW pregnant while we were still married. It is still so surreal...my life is out of a soap opera or movie.

Here is excerpt from an article I read a while back...
A diagnosis of infertility can affect a marriage relationship. Often the spouse with an infertility factor fears that the other partner will leave and find someone who is able to have children. Sometimes, if only one partner is infertile, he or she will even try to persuade the spouse to get a divorce. Once infertility treatment has begun, one spouse might feel that the other is less motivated to succeed. This creates tremendous anger. Sometimes the stress on the relationship is so great that one spouse will have an affair to prove his or her self-worth or even to demonstrate fertility with someone else.