So we had S14's party yesterday at the house. We didn't get back to the apartment til 1am. The party was over at 9pm but H and I were talking the rest of the time. Among the things he said:
"I am an alcoholic, Amy" (he has never said the before)
"I miss you"
"Why did you leave me?"
I will update in detail later when I can think straight.
That was one helluva an admission Amy! Hang on honey....be still. WOOOHOOO! Shoot....I can only think of the things you recently told me....uhm don't sleep wait....well you know! I am spinning here......Just be STILL!
This has been going through my mind for weeks now. Ok....the timeline thing. 2 years
You registered during the week my x walked out the door. 2 years. 2 years later your has said something so profound something you have been waiting to here.
I'm just shy of the two years.....and you know whats going on with me and him. Sit back.....shhhhhhh, we will just be still a little longer hon.....just a little longer.
Wow.....has this been some week or what?
I just want to {{Hug}} you so hard.....that your hair will turn blonde!!!!
Don't forget to breathe now.......K?
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I'm still trying to get all my thoughts together about last night so I can update. It was awesome and mind-boggling and I've already been over there once today and now I am about to go back to pick up S14's stereo and cd's. He's been a little different today. Literally like a wall has come down. Softer somehow. I don't know how to explain it. I'll be back later with the full story.
Ok......I know it's hard to put into words. Even harder to understand whats going on and talk about it as we can only believe that something good is peeking out.
Tippity Tap....
Heres to a new and wonderful week!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
The talk got started when my husband was telling me about my stepdaughter (17) who wants to lock up her boyfriend (22). We didn't even raise her and she's a friggin HEADCASE with a baby. Let's not even get into that though. Long story short, H was talking about jail. He said "I spent 7 days there. That boy doesn't want to go there". My head started spinning at "I spent 7 days there". I don't think there has been a bigger shock in this whole mess. There have been many things I had forgotten and have been reminded of since my "emergence from the tunnel" so to speak. NONE have been more stunning than finding out I actually put him in jail for 7 friggin days. I thought it was two...but it was over a holiday weekend... then the attorney his parents got for him dragged his feet requesting a bond hearing (which IS RIDICULOUS and I know that's what happened because that is NOW one of MY jobs as a legal assistant). Nevertheless, the wave of realization just kept washing over me and I thought of DNQ's post about his jail experience. To be honest with you, I can't even tell you what Jeff was saying during that time. I know I was horrified and it took me a while to snap out of that. He did tell me that was in the past. I shook my head no. That's all I remember about that part.
He started talking to me about church which really isn't something I can talk to him about. I haven't been going and he wanted to know why. He kept pushing that until I blew and tears were in my eyes and I couldn't even see but he kept at me (not in a mean way - just trying to talk because he knows how much church meant to me before...). So he pushed and I sorta blew up and told him that before I ever started going to church we had been "fine" (by our "old standards", you understand). Then I started going to church and taking the kids and instead of being able to pray for him like I should have - I was blessed with MLC and then that stupid SOB I had a crush on when I was 19 had crossed my path and got my head turned around ass backwards. I went on even further....through the time I was in crisis to the day I "woke up" and started fighting to save us and - this got heated because it was all just bubbling up and flowing outta me - "I did everything right and did it for all the right reasons and WHAT DID IT GET ME? A more f'ed up family than ever before!Don't you even talk to me about church, Jeff!"
Told you it wasn't pretty.
Anyway once he calmed me down and started talking things got better. I guess.
