I DO want my marriage back. I know I need to slow down, and I don't know why I have such a hard time with that.
Because you really want your marriage back!!! NOW!!!
Slowing down will help you in building a better, stronger, happier marriage. Maybe if you keep that in mind it will help you from forcing things to be like they used to be. (you know hoping for the reaction you want...they sure way to disappointment and feeling discouraged and hurt...)
Slowing down will give you time and opportunities to get it right. The whole communication thing.
You'll get there and at times you might even feel it's too quick
How are you?? I hope you are eating a huge bowl of icecream... Or you took a hot bath...Made yourself some tea...or cocao...
I do hope you will come back...I just read the subject of your post
I'll pray for you tonight and I'll check in tommorow to see how you are doing...
We have folks in from ND this week. So we had Chinese for lunch today. My fortune said something along the lines of "listen to your own wisdom." You got it. Just go with it. Too much thinking is no good. Just drive you batty.
Actually, I went to a Yoga/Pilates class. I think the ice cream sounded better, though.
I cannot explain how I feel after your simple explanations of what I was doing FINALLY sunk in. I have so many emotions. I am happy that I finally "get" it, yet sad that it took so long. I am hopeful that I will continue to communicate better. I also feel guilty because my H tried to tell me many of the same things but I just wasn't understanding. So, you see, I have a lot going on in this head!
I am seeing that I have had one goal in mind for so long (saving the marriage) that I didn't even stop to think what that would look like. I can see that him asking to come back isn't it. Communicating better would be the first step. I just wanted to jump over that all of this time. I guess I thought that I needed to get a committment to save the marriage first, then I would work on the communication. Ugh. No wonder I have been spinning for so long. No wonder he is so frustrated with me.
I do see, also, that I wasn't getting this whole detaching thing. It felt very unnatural to me, yet I was doing it anyway. It wasn't that I was doing it for a reaction from him, which would be totally wrong, but I was partially wrong in that I was doing it instead of continuing to try other methods.
Anyway, I set up a new email account if you would like to email me. It is: DB_CMNM at yahoo.com I understand about not wanting to put some things out there. I still feel that way, a lot. I think that I am as open as I am now just because I knew that something had to give.
Thanks again for taking an interest in my story. I feel very blessed right now that there are people out there willing to help me through this. (That means you, too, IMP!)
I am seeing that I have had one goal in mind for so long (saving the marriage) that I didn't even stop to think what that would look like. I can see that him asking to come back isn't it. Communicating better would be the first step. I just wanted to jump over that all of this time. I guess I thought that I needed to get a committment to save the marriage first, then I would work on the communication. Ugh. No wonder I have been spinning for so long. No wonder he is so frustrated with me.
I think you saying this has made me realize that this is the way I have been looking at it the entire time. Wanting that committment. I feel so dumb not seeing that this was keeping me from communicating with my own H. No wonder he said this wasn't the way he wanted it to work.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Jesus, Meredith. Do you really f'ing think that I know any of those answers????
I will give it the old college try. What is the goal? To be able to communicate with my H. What are the steps? Obviously not the ones I have taken! What are the pitfalls to be avoided? Everything I have done to this point.
Isn't it odd how something will just finally sink in? That is where I have been these last two days. Let's keep working at this. I don't have hopes of doing anything more than building communication with my STBXH (ugh, I hate to type that), but maybe you have a brighter outlook. Still, I do want to solve this communication problem of mine. I do not want to be doomed to repeat it.
Hi CMNM, How are you today? Great that you see what I saw yesterday!! Did you congratulate yourself already?? ! Just wanted to say hi. I just returned from a sculpture class and it's really late overhere...so just a quick hello!
Originally Posted By: CMNM
I don't have hopes of doing anything more than building communication
Why?? I know it is hard to put yourself on the line and it feels safer as to not get hurt but if this is what you want: JUST DO IT! And if to do means getting a bit of hope up. Why not? Maybe if you try to look at it differently. Like how exciting I'm going to build a brand new marriage with the man I love.
Quote:
with my STBXH (ugh, I hate to type that),
Then don't!!! It really is surrounded by a negative feeling, as you say so yourself. And everytime you think about it it adds up just a tad resentment to the pile which is already there. This is how I see it. I believe RCR wrote a great post on this once. It was on why she kept calling her husband sweetheart while he was really acting out towards her. I always refer to my H as DH but I'm thinking of calling him a sweeter name. Just to keep the love flowing!!
