Hey KS, What a great post, up there a little bit. Great attitude. It can be tricky keeping it, but once you've found that place, and that strength, I think it's yours forever. You'll show peanut how an adult lives, loves and laughs (as well as cry, but never breaks).
I hate that your exH gives all men, and fathers, a bad name. I'm glad you see we're all not like that. I still don't understand how any parent, let alone father, would not take care of his kid, emotionally, monetarily, every way.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
You know....a few nights ago my D was asking me if I'd ever take him back. I told her we weren't having that discussion right now but she pressed on. Told me Daddy said he'd probably take you back (what a saint he is!), that I was "beautiful like spring" and had "pretty eyes"....
Now - WHY would he drag her into that kind of BS? I really don't know. The next day she said I told OM to shut up. Question - WHY is he continuing to talk to her about him - and by name? BLECH!!!!!
So I sent a text - to the point. Please don't discuss our past or who I've slept with with our daughter.
That started a barrage of texts. The first one I got said "You looked really pretty last night. I should have told you that more when we were together" (which was obviously before he read mine LOL
Then a few more, telling me to get my facts right, that he doesn't bring it up with her, she does and he tries to shut her down. (Funny but she rarely brings it up with me and my seven year old has an honest streak.....which he seems to be lacking......so who would I believe?)
Later he told me he doesn't blame me and om for everything, that if he'd been better, he could still have me, blah blah and he does miss us but he's moving forward......and then - "I'd like to do coffee sometime"....
So many replies floating around that I could have used - such as "well I don't have the money to go to coffee..." or "why don't you take MAGGIE to coffee?" or "I'm sorry, I've lost so much respect for you, I can't be in public with you."
But I chose "maybe one day we could do that. I'm not ready to be social with you yet - I'm still very angry"
Of course I'm assuming that he assumes I'm angry because of Maggie but honestly - I'm angry with him for lying for so long and for the back seat he's taken in his daughter's life......that he's basically just written her off to four days a month. I have zero respect for him, and quite honestly I don't miss US at all. He made me feel like sh*t for too long and I would be absolutely insane to allow him to make me feel that way again. HELL to the NO!
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
But I chose "maybe one day we could do that. I'm not ready to be social with you yet - I'm still very angry"
Of course I'm assuming that he assumes I'm angry because of Maggie but honestly - I'm angry with him for lying for so long and for the back seat he's taken in his daughter's life......that he's basically just written her off to four days a month. I have zero respect for him, and quite honestly I don't miss US at all. He made me feel like sh*t for too long and I would be absolutely insane to allow him to make me feel that way again. HELL to the NO!
I love your reply to him, girl.
I wonder if you should expand on why you're angry, instead of letting him assume it's about Maggie? If only for your peace of mind, but I kind of feel like he's getting off easy if he can "blame" it on that, instead of looking at his own actions/inactions.
I really don't have anything to say to him anymore. I've told him I felt like he lied to me for this past year. That blows past him. It's not my job to make him see anymore. Besides, that was about a week ago and he's decided to ignore my texts as of late. I asked if he could check to see if his check cleared yet and if he could pay half the dentist bill (ignored) and what we were doing about the holidays (ignored) so I'm done.
He will mess his relationship up wtih his daughter and won't be able to blame anyone but himself. Selfish @$$.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
KS, A friend told me about a study where they had people write out how they feel, especially their anger. They were told to write without editing themselves, to write everything the felt and thought, no matter how horrible. The control group was told to just write about their day. The test group had such great results that they stopped the control group and told them to write theire feelings too.
The idea is to write, uncensored, and get the anger out. I recommend it. How about giving it a try. You'll probably never want to let anyone read it, but it'll work - I think.
I know you've already come a long way, but you've got some anger (who wouldn't?). I think you'll feel better when your past that too.
Just like you're doing, don't have anything to do with him beyond what you legally have to, or have to for your d's sake. I know you're already doing this but, don't bad mouth him to your D, don't play his games, especially if peanut is in the middle. I know you know and are doing this, just some support offered to you.
Not that this is important, but I think that as you get stronger, care about him less, even stop being angry, he'll want you more and more. Don't let him trick you. He may want you just because to prove he can get you. I'm not saying never let him back into your heart (heck, we are on DB boards. It could happen, It could even be good, right?) but don't let him affect or control you.
In fact, I would stop asking about checks clearing, or anything else, and let the lawyers, courts and such do the job.
My 2 cents worth.
M45, W45,S15, D10, Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06, finally ILY 9/07 last thread
KS, I am so glad to see you are in a place that you are not beating yourself up. That is one place I have been waiting and hoping you would get to...and you are there. Yes there are still some anger in your heart but it would not be normal if there wasn't so take it embrace it and know it to is temporary. There are so many good things that have come out of your situation and you are seeing them through clear eyes now. Some days are still hard but for the most part you are standing on your own feet and it feels good!!! Thank you very much for being a rock to all of us especially me whiny all the time. Sorry we all had to meet this way but me for one is very thankful. Keep climbing the hill and you will make it to the top!!!
but I want to thank you for being here and listening to me