I originated on the I am thinking about leaving board and now I found myself here separated. I do not know how to link my post so if anyone does feel free to help me.
I am at a loss right now for what I am going to do. I have gone dark. I am not contacting him at all, the kids are not contacting him, I have given him a time limit to contact me. (he doesn't know this)
I have decided that if he doesn't call me or make any attempt to let me know that he wants to see the kids or make any attempt to be here for us or even let me know if he is alive I will be filing for divorce next week.
I did find out he is staying a lot at the home of the girl he had an affair with a year and a half ago. He says they are just friends but honestly at this point I don't care. He would rather be with her than so be it....... Maybe this is the wrong attitude but at this point it is for self preservation.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
Give him more time if possible. It may actually take three to 24 months! One week is not enough time and there should not be ultimatums in DBing, boundaries, yes, ultimatums, no.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Having said that, my mom and heart told me to give my H 6 months and it has been 5 and I have pretty much given up on the idea that he can get healthy, start eating, end his affair, be nice and return in the next few weeks. We are not suppose to have expectations though.
Last edited by mkultra; 09/06/0705:07 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
It is so hard to live without expectations though. I am working on that but that is the hardest thing for me right now. I so want there to be a time limit on this pain and suffering but sad to say I have realized there is not and I can not force one upon him. I just have to realize that he is feeling it too and he is the confused one so maybe this is harder on him then me since he is causing the pain and knows it.
It is so hard to live without expectations though. I am working on that but that is the hardest thing for me right now. I so want there to be a time limit on this pain and suffering but sad to say I have realized there is not and I can not force one upon him. I just have to realize that he is feeling it too and he is the confused one so maybe this is harder on him then me since he is causing the pain and knows it.
Hang in there and hopefully he will come around. Patience is the key from what I am being told.
It is so hard to live without expectations though. I am working on that but that is the hardest thing for me right now. I so want there to be a time limit on this pain and suffering but sad to say I have realized there is not and I can not force one upon him. I just have to realize that he is feeling it too and he is the confused one so maybe this is harder on him then me since he is causing the pain and knows it.
Hang in there and hopefully he will come around. Patience is the key from what I am being told.
It is so hard to live without expectations though. I am working on that but that is the hardest thing for me right now. I so want there to be a time limit on this pain and suffering but sad to say I have realized there is not and I can not force one upon him. I just have to realize that he is feeling it too and he is the confused one so maybe this is harder on him then me since he is causing the pain and knows it.
Hang in there and hopefully he will come around. Patience is the key from what I am being told.
It is so hard to live without expectations though. I am working on that but that is the hardest thing for me right now. I so want there to be a time limit on this pain and suffering but sad to say I have realized there is not and I can not force one upon him. I just have to realize that he is feeling it too and he is the confused one so maybe this is harder on him then me since he is causing the pain and knows it.
Hang in there and hopefully he will come around. Patience is the key from what I am being told.
I think the reason I put the time limit is I had to do it for me. I have lost 18 pounds in 3 weeks. I can't eat or sleep. I lay at night waiting for him to walk back. I am not as strong as any of you on here and I feel like if I tell myself this is the day it is over maybe when that day comes I will be ok. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I can't let myself get to the point that I cant be a good mother. I will consider your suggestions of time it is just hard very hard. I am not doing well.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
Last night was his night with the kids. He never showed up. My 9 yr old beat his head in the wall crying until I calmed him and my 11 year old threw up all night. I am so tired of the disappointments they are filling. I keep telling them not to depend on him but then he promises he will be there.
I am ok when i am being hurt but hurt my kids and look out.
At 6:00 this morning I was running to dunkin donuts to get the not so healthy breakfast and found he was asleep in his car in his parents driveway. (4 houses away). I lost it.
I told him that he needed to be a better father than that and that if he felt the need to treat me like crap so be it but his kids deserved better. He then followed me home came in and fell asleep in his computer chair. Now he got up and is taking a shower. Of course last week I put all of his stuff out on the porch and made him take it so he asked me to go to his parents and get him clothes and my sorry rear did.
I feel like a puppet and he is the master. I guess this is why I feel I am going to throw the towel in early. My kids deserve more stability and my depression is getting worse and worse. Sometimes you have to know when to let go.
I love you guys for listening. I know I am a rambling bambling (not sure if thats a word) bundle of emotions that I can't begin to figure out so I know there is no way you can.
Hugs to you all and thanks for being there.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
